To find this statement from DP strange

And his child? Maybe he/she is happiest with mum and dad too? Or does a child(and actually child, not a fully functioning adult who is a parent himself) not count? Honestly, let him go. Selfish prick.

Another dickhead man child mummy’s boy. So many of them about.

Happiest with his mum and dad? Not with his partner and child?

He can fuck back off and live with mummy and daddy then can’t he?

It is strange. Nothing wrong with being happy when you are with your parents, they are in most cases safety and security. Strange thing to say when you are a new father and been in a relationship for a decade. Is he scared he won’t measure up as a dad or does the new responsibility terrify him? I think you need to tell him how hurt you are by this and have a really good talk. He should be prioritising you and your new baby

There’s an amazing book which sets out the dynamic from everyone’s pov that you might find helpful befire going further with discussion

i lost my relationship with sons dad partly because of MIL issues so I feel you, it can be impossible. But I think worth remembering how devastating it can be for the father who wants everyone together and sees his family split in half and doesn’t have the skills / tools to deal with it, it can make people malfunction.

ultimately, it sounds like your MIL is being a dick and there may be a limit to what you can do, but you have to remember everyone has their hurt feelings and thinks they are right and you may find you can navigate through it with a bit of understanding

amzn.eu/d/7Y2575j

I hear you op can you give us some examples of the interference? I'm going through similar

I used to have a mummy's boy partner and they never change. Do consider what you want for your future, OP. sometimes it is easier to go it alone when your child is very little.

His not a man in his 30's his a boy in his 30's ! What a hurtful and strange thing to say . You are better off without him . Sorry , you are going through this .

Sounds like he hasn’t adjusted to not being ‘the baby’ and centre of everyone’s attention. Your attention is on the baby now and he feels neglected I.e. no longer the centre of your world.

It’s a classic lack of adjustment to fatherhood / exposure of deep-seated self-centredness. Which one is the question. Will he adjust, or not?

If not, the resentment both ways will kill your relationship. If he’s saying he’s always felt this way, it’s already dead.

So did she become overbearing when the baby arrived? If so, maybe at least consider that "keeping quiet" and not seeing her aren't your only options. There's the third, which is to set some boundaries, stand up to her when necessary and reset the nature of the relationship. Make it clear that you'll be making the decisions regarding your baby, aren't looking for advice etc. There's lots of threads on here with good scripts.

This is really tough. I hope you’ve managed to get some sleep.

I’d suggest trying to talk to him again and get to the bottom of it. What exactly does he mean? It’s unfair to leave you in limbo, pondering over every detail of the conversation and not knowing where you stand.

Early Postpartum life is hard and you really need to communicate well to get through to the other side. Nothing can prepare you for parenthood and some times, it separates the men from the boys.

I hope you can find a way forward together, however that looks.

He's happiest where he's adored and catered for, and needs to recognise the behaviour of his parents towards him is now what he needs to replicate as a parent himself.

If he feels safe, loved, relaxed with his parents, he needs to create that environment for his child. Not be a manchild himself for the rest of his life. A baby is hard and the transition is very sudden and a shock to the system, especially when you've been together so long before having a child (my husband and I were together 12 years before having ours and what a shock to our relationship that was 😆)

Needs a really serious talk or it'll be a problem for all the time you're together and he'll let down his own child while worshipping the parent child relationship he values in his own parents.

Just throw in a different prospective.

when my MIL died (years ago now) my DH commented that he was now an orphan and even through he was in his late 40’s he was feeling lost. I understood as I had lost both my parents.

but he then went on to say that he felt he lost his safety’s net, that safe place he could go to and the world couldn’t touch him. Again I understand that he sort of felt the same, your parents and their home is the one place where you don’t have to be a full on adult. Yes if you have children you still have their care but tbh your parents normally help out with that. But just for as long as your visit lasts, you don’t have to worry about the bills/dinner/housework/or anything that being an adult requires.

maybe being a new parent, that’s what he’s finding at his parents, it’s not that he doesn’t want you or the baby, just that sometimes he just needs to have all that responsibility lifted for an hour or two.

Man-baby is realising he isn't the baby anymore, & he doesn't like it. You have the beginnings of what could become a big problem, & you need to get some couples counselling booked.

I’m apparently the outlier here, but if my partner told me my mum was having a negative impact on their mental health and they didn’t want to see her as often, I’d probably struggle to see a future with them as well.

I’m really close to my mum and I’d be absolutely heartbroken if DH didn’t want to see her.

Picking over his words matters less than the underlying message. The relationship you want to have with his parents doesnt work for him. Their involvement in your life doesn't work for you. There needs to be compromise or your relationship will fail.
Sit down for a conversation where you try to thrash out something that works for you both. It's more helpful to speak in positive factual terms rather than emotional blanket statements, so not "your parents are overbearing I need to back away" but "can we ask your parents to come on Sunday rather than drop in whenever they want to in the week, as I prefer to plan for it?"

Its very weird and frankly offensive.
I would be deeply deeply concerned.
You need to go back and unpack this.

How is he adjusting to fatherhood?

When you are with mummy and daddy very little is expected of you. Especially if you have a penis.... it is escape from responsibiliy? Does he want a simplier easier lfie where less is expected???

Is he jealous of the baby? (More pathetic and common than most women realise)

Does he see them as his "real" family?
(You arent married)

The least bad option is still really quite bad qnd will take a lot of work to fix even he wants to fix it, which he may not...
You need to get to the bottom of what it means but its very troubling...

you are in deep denial. It is bad. He’s happiest with his parents after having a baby. That sounds all normal to you?
his mother is overbearing- she won’t get better AND he will side with her

you lost already sorry op

He’s saying he’s too immature and pathetic to look after his family as he’s the one who wants looking after.

If he has a close relationship with his parents it’s not surprising that he’s going to defend them if he feels you’re being overly critical of them. Maybe he thinks you’re trying to manipulate him into backing off from them, and is just making it clear that’s not going to happen. As long as you confirm that it’s just you who is taking a step back, and that you’re not trying to pull back your dc and him from having a relationship with his parents, then I guess it might calm him down. Good for him that he’s not going to let himself be in a tug of war between both sides.

Maybe what you find overbearing about his mum seem normal to him. I also find my MIL overbearing especially when we had DC1 and FIL had to tell her to stop being rude and overbearing at one time, thankfully they live far away so we don’t see them often but at the time, DH and I would talk before the visits and just bear it till they leave as he also found her overbearing. Over time, she now behaves herself.
However, I don’t think if I told DH at the time that we need to go low or no contact with her that it’ll bode well for our relationship. Same as my mum, she’s not perfect, also overbearing in other ways but if DH is telling me put a distance between us, etc, I’ll find it extremely controlling. When there’s no abuse involved on my mums part, she’s made mistakes just like we all do. But at the end of the day, we don’t have to agree with everything they’ve done, I’ll correct her when I can but I won’t just stand with a man telling me to just discard her so I feel what your partner is saying.

Ew. Ridiculous little mama’s boy - send him back there.

Oh dear, don’t give up your job OP and make sure you stay financially independent. It could be this is just the stress of a new baby talking though.

If he wants to see her he should but you can always decide to take a step back. If he’s going to try and threaten your relationship then let him go. Make sure you financially safe and can go solo if needed.

He's made it clear what he thinks. Fair enough if he's not happy as a couple, but he's choosing his DPs over his own child too, that's awful. However, expect a lifetime of her influence if you split. DH will go running back there. He's shown you he's a mummy's boy and thinks there's nothing wrong with MIL being overbearing and intrusive already.

Are you sure this isn't down to all the stresses and strains of having a new baby? When you're both sleep deprived things can get massively out of proportion, and it may be that he thought back wistfully to the days when he didn't have these responsibilities.