To find this statement from DP strange

@JadeSquid You don’t choose your parents but he chose a partner and to have a baby. His choices mean less to him than those who were formative in his childhood. N. B. Childhood. He’s an adult FGS. Presumably fully fledged.

Yes but that could be because his relationship is so shit. It would be like me admitting that I am happiest at work. All it says it that my home life is miserable and I need to change that. It doesn't make it untrue that I am happiest at work. It just makes my reality quite sad.

@JadeSquid
Have you missed the words AT HIS HAPPIEST?
He has a new baby, a partner of 10 years but is at HIS HAPPIEST with mum and dad.
FGS we teach our children to become independent of us. He hasn’t learned this, hasn’t grown up, gone through the usual “my parents are irritating” “I can only take them in small doses” which is healthy. If our AC preferred being with us than with their new families we’d be horrified and worried.

We don't know if it is the case. We don't know why he is saying he is unhappy. He may have very good reason. You've assumed he has absolutely no reason not to be happy with the OP. You have filled in blanks too.

I'm simply saying that it could be the case. OP could be outright abusive. We don't know.

Why would be horrified and ashamed to admit that the relationship isn't making him as content as it should?

If you're in a relationship and you realise that it isn't meeting your needs, you shouldn't feel ashamed about that. It's okay to realise that and do something about it. You don't have to stay in an unhappy relationship just because you started it.

You have just made up a backstory that we haven't even been told is the case. Well done!

he has recently told me that he struggling to see a future for us as HE IS AT HIS HAPPIEST WHEN HE IS WITH HIS MUM AND DAD.

This sounds like blackmail to shut you up.
Has he not realised he has his own family now?
Why isn’t he horrified and ashamed to admit he’s happiest with his mum and dad?
For his own benefit, their benefit and for your relationship to flourish the ties should be cut. Her ridiculous over involvement had exposed that he had failed to grow up.
Don’t back down. YANBU.

Yes they'd be concerned they are in the wrong marriage.

It's only strange in that their relationship should be better.

For instance, if there are several aspects to this relationship where he isn't heard, respected or cherished, then it really isnt strange that he feels happiest with his parents. That would be normal.

What is it with these useless bastards...

Love this!! 👏👏👏👏

That’s a massive ick for me, and I’d be side eyeing him, one thing to enjoy spending time with your parents, but to be your happiest with them and want to end your marriage as your spouse only wants to spend less time with his mum is very concerning, and any decent parent would be concerned about an adult child with a family who felt that way.

I can see the word police are out today... The man has said this in direct response to op telling him she wants to (not him) see mil less. His reaction to this is STRANGE even if its a 'true statement'

So why say he didn't see a future for them together?

Or at the sign they will be isolated from their loved ones, they want to retreat to safety...

But he said that he doesn't see a future for them together. That's a statement. The stuff about his parents is just an add on so it's not the same at all.

What is it with these useless bastards, at the first sight of responsibility they want to crawl back under their mother's skirt?
Obsolete, replaceable on so many levels.
OP, if you can practically live just with your child, do it.
Better for both of you, in the long run.

Perhaps he’s a bit lost new baby more responsibility your attention is naturally on the baby When you say overbearing mother is it more than helpful grandma. ask him directly what he means and if he’s happy. men are more likely honest when you take the direct approach.

First child typically rocks the relationship.

Have another conversation about what you’d like to happen practically speaking.

For example at the moment they come over every weekend. I’d like them to come over once a month maximum. But you can take the baby over by yourself on Saturday mornings because I understand you want to see them.

I wonder if he meant the statement as 'I'm happy with the level of involvement my Mum (parents) have in our lives'? You've told your partner you are finding his Mum overbearing and she's interfering. Yet, his statement says to me, that he doesn't think his Mum is overbearing or interfering and he's happy with the level of contact there currently is. Whatever happens going forward, your in-laws will be involved at the same level as they are now. Your husband has made it abundantly clear, that he's not going to cut back on contact or stop them coming to your home whenever they want. He doesn't see or doesn't want to see what you do, so therefore he's not going to do anything about it. What is your MIL doing that you are finding too much? Telling you how to parent? Wanting to be at your house all the time? Taking over when she comes around? Your husband isn't going to support you here. So the question is: what are you going to do, to protect your own sanity? Is your husband a 'Mummy's Boy'?

Sounds like he is saying "I realise that I am happiest when i am with my parents, and not happy enough with you alone. So if you limit their involvement in our lives, I will find this relationship intolerable because it doesn't make me happy enough".

Yes that isn't ideal that their relationship isn't happy enough to be sustained without that input from his parents, but they are where they are and the truth is inescapable.

I haven't read the thread and maybe the OP wants to get married and that's why youre saying that, but generally speaking, it might really be the woman who doesn't want to marry. They may have decided long ago marriage isnt for them as a couple. I hate when people assume the woman is desperate to marry and the man just won't.

It sounds like he wants a life where his mother has this level of input into his family life. That is what some people want for themselves and they can find people who are compatible with that need. I'd say white British culture has moved away from that type of extended family dynamic though.

Now you've expressed that life isn't for you, he is wondering about how suited you really are over the long term.

I have a very, very close relationship with some members of my family. It's probably a but unusual. However, it is what I want and I wouldn't choose any man at any stage of our relationship over that.

People who make a commitment usually get married first - did you not realise he was not committed - a decade of 'partnership'? Why not a marriage and therefore a contract/promise before everyone - your families, friends, authorities? I am a freelancer, I learnt the bitter way that you should not do anything, and I mean anything, without having a signed contract first. He is not a husband to you, you can't make the same request of a partner - 'that he shall leave his parents and cleave to his wife'.

Just leave this person, you made a proper commitment to him, you think he is your husband, but it is not clear to him, he thinks he is a son first and foremost, he has not made a transition to 'husband' in his mind.

If you don't leave him and the situation remains the same, you are setting yourself and your child up for a life with the person who is not committed to you both, which is awful. Ask him to marry you properly and explain what marriage means, if he refuses, leave him.

I’m honestly not usually one of those mumsnetters, but is it possible he’s having an affair (physical or emotional) and is using the fact that you initiated this conversation about his DM as his excuse?