Is this too long a commute?

I did this 5-6 days a week (with 4 days off in between) with a 5 year old child at home for a year. It nearly killed me off tbh. It does skew my perspective though as I see 2 days a week as manageable…but you will have to look at it as writing off 2 whole days a week with your children- it’s easier said than done.

What sort of work do you do? Do you have flexible hours?

I have a 2hr commute each way. I do shorter London days and work on the train to make up hours. I also do slightly longer wfh days. Being home at a decent time is a real game changer for me!

Also is there anyway you can quicken the 20min walk leg e.g. bus or fold up bike

For the right job I definitely would probably up to 3 days a week. If you have a seat on the train it’s not like you’re on the job for the full 3 hours

If you get a seat on the train that's absolutely fine. Totally different to a driving commute.

I do this exact commute twice a week and it’s fine! Meal prep and prep kids stuff the night before. And if you can space the days out!

Yeah, 2 days a week that’s fine!!…with the caveat IF it’s a job you want. I thought you were going to say 1.45 each way driving and thought it’s doable if you like & want the job (I used to often drive 4+ hours a day but I wasn’t doing manual labour/anything physically strenuous so it was doable😆!). If it’s career progressing do it!

Yes - I cook double amounts on the nights before I commute so it is just a case of reheating on those evenings. DH is ferrying DCs to clubs etc. so no time to so substantial cooking. As long as you are on it with planning it works. My DCs have hot lunches at school so less pressure to make a big meal for them in the evenings.

I do 20 mins walk to station, hour train ride, 20 mins tube and walk to work. I do that 1-2 days a week. Some weeks I might have to do 3 or 4 days.

It's fine. I listen to audiobooks on the walking bits and work on the long train journey. It's my only bit of 'me' time so I quite enjoy it.

The biggest issue is batch cooking all weekend to cover the evening meals (otherwise dh will just order takeaway for dc) and I try to time my return for after dc have gone to bed otherwise I walk through the door straight into homework. teeth brushing, stories, baths etc. which is exhausting if I've left at 5:30 am and worked all day.

Would you get a seat on the train? That’s a pretty important consideration I think.

I wouldn't do it. My current commute is 50 mins to about an hour and 15 depending on traffic and that's about my limit, it's exhausting.

Although I think I'd find it easier if I was going by train rather than driving, at least then you can read or doze.

I currently do this although my kids are older primary and secondary aged so a slightly different phase of life. Two days a week works absolutely fine for me; but it's a really good job that I am really motivated to stay in and I also have a very hands on involved DH. I would say it is doable with a supportive partner and also flexibility in terms of WFH in an emergency.

No. If there was an emergency at school, what would happen?

Way too much particularly with commitments

when it’s broken down in to 10 minute drive, 1 hour train and 20 minute walk x 2 it doesn’t seem so bad.

However when you say 1.45 hour each way it seems so long!
is it a great job OP? Factoring in the additional things such as train fares/parking/the travel time etc?

For two days a week, I think it’s ok. My daughter had a much longer journey to work when she was living with us last year, and she really enjoyed the long train journey. She left home to catch the first bus at about 5 am, had a two hour train journey, and then a bus to the office. She was homw at about 8.30. It was tiring for her, she felt it was worth it for the job that she wanted.

I think I'd do it if I had a supportive partner who'd look after the kids.

I used to do a job where the shift pattern was 13.5hourx 7 days shifts. Not every week but some weeks. I don't think I could have done it if my partner hadn't taken responsibility for kids and house during those weeks.

2 long days doesn't sound so bad.

That is pretty much my commute into London 3-4 days a week.
I don't really mind it at all apart from when the trains are cancelled.
I wouldn't have done it with nursery/primary age children though.

Loads of people work 12 hour shifts (me included), and they're not sitting down reading for a few hours during it. And then they have a commute at each end

It's no big deal but if you don't want to to do it, don't.

It's doable, if you really have to, but if there are other options, I'd feel this was too much. I used to commute 2hours each way, 5 days a week. I did it for a year (pre-kids) and would never do it again. I'd also think about where your kids will go to nursery/school and whether there's someone else who can reliably pick them up if they need to go home early or your train is delayed/cancelled.

I did similar, on a train at 6.50 a.m. home around 8.00 p.m.

But I was single, in my 20s, and child free. I bought breakfast on the walk to the office, ate a hot lunch in the canteen, and didn't bother with anything more exciting than toast in the evening.

But doing it with children? No, I personally couldn't have made that work for me.

If the family income stretches to a live-in nanny, then that would be different.

Millions of people living in the surrounds of London do similar. 5 days a week is unfathomable to me now post-Covid, and I absolutely wouldn’t be comfortable doing that at all if I was a lone parent (would want one parent local to the kids for emergencies). But I know many people who do that commute a couple of days a week.

If you have a good podcast or music to listen to, then go for it and embrace the commute!

It would be too long for me personally, especially with young kids and especially because I’m assuming it’s 6:30-6:30 if absolutely everything runs totally smoothly which is shockingly unusual at least where we are. One missed train, delayed train/cancelled train could turn that 6:30-6:30 into 6:30-8:30 pretty quickly.