Is this too long a commute?

I have had exactly the same commute for 5 years OP, as it’s the only way to live near family and earn a higher wage.

For me, at 2 days a week it’s manageable and worth it for the significantly higher pay than I’d get for the same job locally.

I am mindful that when we have children, we will need wraparound care (DH is in a senior and sensitive role so can’t just drop things to do childcare at 5pm). So I can’t comment on how you’d manage it with children and any childcare you might need, but otherwise it’s fine.

But that includes exercise, some 'self care' i.e. time without being asked to make breakfast and you can just sit on your own with a coffee listening to an audiobook or something. Bliss!

Two days a week seems fine.
The morning will be covered by partner and you'll get back in time to help with bed.
Assuming the one hour is one train and doesn't involve a change you can nap a bit, relax or get some work done.

Every day, absolutely not.

1-2 days a week for my ideal role, yes.

I pretty much do this commute and it’s tough going but my boss also says that if I want to work on the train etc then it all counts. I am senior though so I have more flexibility over my hours. I would consider if that’s an option to you?

I Like my job but even though I can hack the commute, I wouldn’t do it again for the next role.

edited to add: two days a week

I used to do 4 hours (3 hour coach, 20 mins one end, 40 mins other end) starting when my kids were 4 and 2. It’s doable but exhausting after a few years and more than 2 days is a killer.

DH still does 3 hours (1.45 train plus travel both ends) including five days a week when on nights and its possible. Most weeks he does 3 or 4 days. You get used to it fast.

I do this twice per week at the moment (1 hour on the train 30 minutes walking). I won’t pretend I’m not frazzled but I have 3 young kids and by the looks of it everyone with young kids is frazzled as there’s lots of people telling you they couldn’t do it.

I find the train journey productive so not wasted time (I get a seat - that’s important). I do my school admin, catch up on WhatsApps, shop online for the things kids need.

I’m actually less tired on commuting days as I leave the house before the kids are up and get home when they’re in the bath. My DH usually goes to bed early with a headache those days!

I wouldn’t want to do more than two days as I need the flexibility of being at home to attend things at school, facilitate clubs after school, to stick a washload on, but two days works. I do have a DH at home who after several years of training is competent to manage the kids and evening put a washload on. He WFH on the days I have to be in the office.

Huh?

surely you still leave the house with the DCs on the other days??

It’s only 2 days? I mean i think that sounds fine. You’ll probably enjoy the train journey.

I think 2 days a week could be manageable, might take some time getting use to and you need to factor in time to get up and shower and do hair and makeup plus if you're up during night. Id have to be certain that dh would be doing the night wakes the night before.

1.45 x 2 = 3.5 hours. 3.5 x 5 = 17.5 hours a week. 17.5 x 4.5 (roughly a month) = 78-ish hours. 78.75 x 12 = 945.

945 hours a year spent on commuting.

That's time you're never getting back. So the question becomes "Are you happy with this chunk of your life (excluding hours spent actually working) being traded off for money?"

Do you think your time is worth the salary being offered?

Slightly different but I work compressed hours 4 days per week and most weeks 1-2 days I am on site visits which can be 6.30am (or earlier) start and home 6-7pm. Usually driving, occasionally a train journey. Sometimes it is an overnight too, I've just finished a 5 month project where I was doing 1-2 days pw in an office 3 hrs away from home (driving). I did 1 day 1st week, 2 consecutive days with an overnight the 2nd week.

I agree with a PP, it gives you the chance to be 100% at work in the way you were pre kids and I actually quite like it. I plan these days around DPs shifts so she is home for the children and then I don't need to worry about them.

It does mean the house gets neglected on those days, which is part of the reason I do 4 days compressed hours so I can use the 5th day to get on top of life.

I wouldn't.

It sounds exhausting and you also need to consider the fact that trains are not always reliable.

If it was once a week maybe.

Also you have to remember that employers can change hybrid arrangements so you might end up being asked to travel more often in the future.

I do 1.5hrs to work each way, 3 days a week. Combination of bus, train, tube. It doesn’t bother me at all, and in fact I can appreciate the downtime. I’ve been doing it for 7 years. Though I’m only out the house 7:30-6:10.

Each to their own.

I have 8yr old twins.

I used to do long distance travel (2.5hrs a day/3 days) to work for over a year, the exhaustion slowly crept in mainly due to being diagnosed with over-active thyroid and I started hating the job because I was exhausted all the time, eventually decided i can't do it anymore. My thyroid is under control now and I still won't try long distance again.

I did 1.5 hours each way for a while. It was a total killer. I was exhausted more because of the commute than the actual job. I wouldn’t do it again.

I leave at 4/4:30 and walk though the door at 6/6:30. Having an evening at home makes a difference to me. If I’m home at 7:30 I make dinner then think it’s nearly bed time!

2 days a week only, then maybe, if the train journey was a good one, with a guaranteed seat. If you have small children, an hour to yourself to read or chill can be very welcome.
However, I'd talk to other people using that train service - is it reliable? For example, I had a friend commuting in from Colchester to London, and on paper the commute was doable, but in practice she often wouldn't be home to 8pm due to cancellations and delays. The whole journey, including hanging about at the station getting increasingly frustrated, often took twice as long as the advertised train trip.

Will you be unemployed if you don’t do it?
Will you get a seat on the train?
Will it only be 2 days a week?
can your OH step up on those days and be totally in charge at home (everything / the whole mental load - packed lunches, dinner, school uniforms, laundry, school notices, bake sales, PE kit etc?)

it is do’able but don’t get home in time for bedtime on those 2 days as that could be a disaster. Tired parents and tired kids is not fun!

Do you get to chose the days? If so you could do two days together and stay in a B and B or hotel for the night in between.

Also what are the trins like, if it is standing room only that's not very helpful, if you can get a seat and read / work then it is less stressful.

Do you get to chose the days? If so you could do two days together and stay in a B and B or hotel for the night in between.

Also what are the trins like, if it is standing room only that's not very helpful, if you can get a seat and read / work then it is less stressful.

Mine is 1hr 15 mins each way, 3 days a week. I used to do a slightly longer commute 5 days a week, pre-Covid and pre-DD. We manage, DD is in reception and she does 8am breakfast club to 6pm after school club on those days. I quite enjoy the 45mins of peace on the train

I think it would be ok for 2 days a week if your partner was home. You would need to make sure your days in office are watertight as that wouldn't be sustainable 5 days.

I do this 2 days a week and have done for 4 years. You do get used to it. My husband is at home on those days and my kids were older than yours when I started (10 and 12) so no sleep issues etc. I did it for a while 3 days a week when my oldest was around 18months and that was tough!

I quite like the down time of the train journey to read a book, listen to music etc. I also commute into a busy city from quite a rural location and like the buzz. I sit and have lunch by a landmark and soak up the vibes. You have to try and embrace the positives!