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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this a good result?

109 replies

underthetrees1234 · 07/11/2025 18:14

New poster. DD (21) plead guilty for perverting course of justice. Three charges, concurrent etc. First offence, MH issues etc and she got 18 months suspended for 18 months and 12 month Mental health treatment requirement. I didn’t have chance to ask solicitor/ barrister what he thought on result but I just think this seems a little harsh? I thought a community order. I won’t go into much detailed but she told multiple lies etc to police. NO one was arrested as a result of her lies. she had MH issues. Probation recommend community order so I I think this seems harsh tbh. Any one any experience.

OP posts:
Original poster
underthetrees1234 · 07/11/2025 20:53

Foxesandsquirrels · 07/11/2025 20:52

Again, you are treading on thin ice. Be careful. It is illegal even if she doesnt benefit financially. It is lying and all of it is bad. And you are involving yourself in ti. You are treading on thin ice OP and you will get dragged under with your kid if you don't give your head a serious wobble. I say that with a lot of love.

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Thank you again. The police are aware she lied and no action was taken.

OP posts:
Elliania · 07/11/2025 20:52

underthetrees1234 · 07/11/2025 20:50

Thank you for this. I did not know about DD crime until it all came out. I know the cancer lie is bad but it is not crime to lie about cancer unless she benefited financially but she didn’t etc. she got no money time of work etc etc.

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It might not be a crime to lie about having cancer but it's disgusting. Think of the sadness and worry she (and also you by backing up her lie) could have caused in family members, friends etc. And think how people who actually have cancer might feel about someone lying for attention. It's totally reprehensible.

Foxesandsquirrels · 07/11/2025 20:52

underthetrees1234 · 07/11/2025 20:50

Thank you for this. I did not know about DD crime until it all came out. I know the cancer lie is bad but it is not crime to lie about cancer unless she benefited financially but she didn’t etc. she got no money time of work etc etc.

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Again, you are treading on thin ice. Be careful. It is illegal even if she doesnt benefit financially. It is lying and all of it is bad. And you are involving yourself in ti. You are treading on thin ice OP and you will get dragged under with your kid if you don't give your head a serious wobble. I say that with a lot of love.

Original poster
underthetrees1234 · 07/11/2025 20:51

Foxesandsquirrels · 07/11/2025 20:50

The other thing worth remembering OP is that dealing with a person like this makes you used to their behaviour and their behaviour becomes less shocking the more conditioned you get to it. So rationally you know the lies are shocking, but because you're almost immune to their severity, it sounds like you're shocked yourself that she has got this sentence. You're just so used to her lies you don't even realise their severity. You would be wise to get some professional help yourself, before your child drags you into another situation where you become an accessory to her lies and get yourself a criminal record and lose friends.

Thanks for this. It’s just so difficult as she is my world and I love her endlessly and as a mother I just help but feel it’s my fault. I raised her didn’t I.

OP posts:
Original poster
underthetrees1234 · 07/11/2025 20:50

Foxesandsquirrels · 07/11/2025 20:42

OP please get yourself the therapy instead. Theres a lot of shame and guilt that comes with having a child like this and you need support. You can't help someone else when you're not doing well yourself. Ask for a referral to your mental health services, talking therapy can help a ton. If your DD has those diagnosis she will already be known to a mental health team and would need to engage with them, which she clearly hasn't been and you can't change that.

Thank you for this. I did not know about DD crime until it all came out. I know the cancer lie is bad but it is not crime to lie about cancer unless she benefited financially but she didn’t etc. she got no money time of work etc etc.

OP posts:
Foxesandsquirrels · 07/11/2025 20:50

The other thing worth remembering OP is that dealing with a person like this makes you used to their behaviour and their behaviour becomes less shocking the more conditioned you get to it. So rationally you know the lies are shocking, but because you're almost immune to their severity, it sounds like you're shocked yourself that she has got this sentence. You're just so used to her lies you don't even realise their severity. You would be wise to get some professional help yourself, before your child drags you into another situation where you become an accessory to her lies and get yourself a criminal record and lose friends.

Aligirlbear · 07/11/2025 20:49

underthetrees1234 · 07/11/2025 18:25

Yeah, I’m not defending her. She has serious MH issues and previous abuse. But she’s my baby and I’ll always stand by her. I just thought as no one got arrested due to her allegations she’d be community order.

Just because no one got arrested doesn’t mean that they weren’t spoken to by the police / put under stress due to the allegations and possibly caused problems with family / friends / their work place. Your DD although ill made serious allegations against these people. The good news is that your DD has been given a suspended sentence and MH support so will be getting help and providing she doesn’t repeat this behaviour won’t be called to prison.

Rose213 · 07/11/2025 20:49

Just be happy she's not behind bars.

themerchentofvenus · 07/11/2025 20:44

underthetrees1234 · 07/11/2025 18:31

Never questioned. One was aware others were not. One was in a position of authority.

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Then her sentence was very fair as her actions could have had very serious ramifications.

Foxesandsquirrels · 07/11/2025 20:43

Whaleandsnail6 · 07/11/2025 20:42

You are doing her no favours at all in colluding with her lies.

She needs to take responsibility for her own actions and consequences.

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Tbh OP also needs to tread carefully with this, otherwise she may end up with a suspended sentence for colluding with this person's lies.

Whaleandsnail6 · 07/11/2025 20:42

underthetrees1234 · 07/11/2025 20:13

No, as soon as I found. I said gone into remission. I know that’s wrong but I couldn’t say she lied.

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You are doing her no favours at all in colluding with her lies.

She needs to take responsibility for her own actions and consequences.

Foxesandsquirrels · 07/11/2025 20:42

OP please get yourself the therapy instead. Theres a lot of shame and guilt that comes with having a child like this and you need support. You can't help someone else when you're not doing well yourself. Ask for a referral to your mental health services, talking therapy can help a ton. If your DD has those diagnosis she will already be known to a mental health team and would need to engage with them, which she clearly hasn't been and you can't change that.

Whaleandsnail6 · 07/11/2025 20:40

I think she's been very, very lucky and hope she manages to get the mental health support she needs.

I work within the prison system and know people who have custodial sentences for perverting course of justice and false allegations

Wolfiefan · 07/11/2025 20:36

Then stop lying for her. Adults need to face the consequence of their own actions. Her MH problems are hers to deal with. She needs professional help not you covering for her.

rainbowunicorn · 07/11/2025 20:31

underthetrees1234 · 07/11/2025 20:13

No, I’m not lieing about the cancer. She generally has physically health issues just not cancer. When I found out she didn’t have it I told family members she’s gone in remission.

Yes you are lying about her having cancer. Telling people she has gone into remission is a lie if she didn't have it in the first place. You need to wise up. You have lied on her behalf to your family.

Elliania · 07/11/2025 20:26

If you love your child then stop enabling her lying. Speak to your GP about getting some therapy for yourself to help you be an more effective person in her life rather than just petting her and endorsing her lies. We just lost my Dad to cancer, my Mum is soon having surgery to remove a cancerous lumpa dn it's been hell. The idea of someone lying about that makes me sick.

winterbluess · 07/11/2025 20:26

underthetrees1234 · 07/11/2025 20:17

Yes. I said she had gone into remission ok.

So that's lying about cancer... you're really not helping her to be honest

Tryingtolikeyou · 07/11/2025 20:25

If it`s real you both sound like a pair of attention seekers.
And Lying about cancer is just awful.
See where she gets it from.
Are you both that lonely you have to lie to people.
You and your daughter need help.
And stop blaming the past and MH for what you and her are doing and have done.
Disgusting think of the ones your daughter has hurt over lies and you petting her up for it.

WeCouldBeNiceToEachOther · 07/11/2025 20:22

I’d have said she’s incredibly lucky.

Original poster
underthetrees1234 · 07/11/2025 20:20

Yes this is real. Don’t know how I’d prove it but it’s real. I am not a troll.

OP posts:
DinaofCloud9 · 07/11/2025 20:19

underthetrees1234 · 07/11/2025 20:17

Yes. I said she had gone into remission ok.

That is a lie.

Is this even real because its sounding a bit sus?

PeachyKoala · 07/11/2025 20:17

underthetrees1234 · 07/11/2025 20:17

Yes. I said she had gone into remission ok.

Well it's clear where she gets it from!

Original poster
underthetrees1234 · 07/11/2025 20:17

Yes. I said she had gone into remission ok.

OP posts:
McSpoot · 07/11/2025 20:17

underthetrees1234 · 07/11/2025 20:13

No, as soon as I found. I said gone into remission. I know that’s wrong but I couldn’t say she lied.

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You mean, yes, you did lie. She cannot go into remission from something she never had. You seem to keep minimizing what she does and try to protect her from any consequences.

McSpoot · 07/11/2025 20:15

underthetrees1234 · 07/11/2025 19:30

i need some more advice. She doesn’t seem to be able to stop lying. I really don’t know what to do. I had to tell family members she’s gone into remission with cancer etc. is this something mental health team will address?

So, you also lie? Which shows her that it is a good thing?