Uncle making upsetting comments about my parenting.

I love this.

Your mum sounds amazing. I wish I could be more like her.

Another vote for smile, nod and ignore. Just be sweetly polite and change the subject. Don’t let him get under your skin. He’s a judgemental twat who puts other people down so that he can feel superior. There are lots of them out there.

Beautifully constructed though this is - and I think that sending it is certainly worth a try - all my instincts as an editor and a lazy so-and-so compel me to cut it a bit, especially if it's going as a text. I've put a bit of time into paring it down to a shorter version whilst - I hope - retaining all the diplomatic nuance of @ScaryM0nster's original.

Here it is, ready to be cut and pasted, for immediate transmission to the uncle...

......

Fuck off.

‘I understand you had some parenting challenges, but we’re all good thank you.’

My mother used to shut people up with a short "mind your business" and a stare. Always worked. She gave no fucks.😉

He doesn't sound young, and at 60-odd, he most definitely isn't. He does sound immature though. He also sounds like a rubbish father, given the fact that he seems to have naff-all to do with his adult DC. Seems like he's trying to compensate for that by bossing you about and telling you how to 'parent.'

You need to say 'Get your own house in order and sort your relationship with your own kids, instead of sticking your oar in my relationship with mine!'

The mature person in me says smile and nod and privately disregard anything they say. But I used to get a lot of unsolicited sleep advice with my first, a reflux baby, some of it really quite insulting ("but have you tried just popping him in the pushchair and taking him for a walk?") So I started laughing and saying how nice it was for them that they had such an easy baby. Which tbh annoyed them so much they generally shut up.

Same here, late 50s, when I went back to work after maternity leave DH did four long days at work so he could take a day off mid week to be with our twins. They’re mid 20s now. Not all older dads were useless.

My own dad longed to be a stay at home dad in the early 70s. I think he’d have been better than my mum!

anyway Op he’s out of order giving ‘advice’ like this and you need to speak to him.

ew. Just ignore all of these messages.

Don’t be too judgmental. A lot can happen between little kids and adult children.

Archive his texts so you don't see them. He's a crashing bore.

Why wouldn’t you do it? Next time you see him and he’s giving you unsolicited advice, just say "Mmhmm sure. So how is Barry these days?"

I see you already responded to a text asking about his son. Do it to his face, more of an impact.

I'll tell him to button it now you have made your views quite clear and I am choosing to parent how I see fit not you.

I worked full time from when she was a baby, but very flexibly, so I always felt that I had plenty of time with her.

You're right that I never felt guilty as a working parent. DH and I shared most of the care between us anyway, and we had a wonderful nanny for a few hours each week as well.

I was probably what most people might regard as a very indulgent parent - I will acknowledge that it was easy for us because dd was usually incredibly well behaved in any case, but I do also think that her good behaviour was partly because she always felt absolutely confident that her feelings would be respected and that her needs would be met. I'm not saying that she always got her own way, of course.

Most of my extended family have taken a similar approach to parenting, and their kids have all turned out really well too.

He's not interested in the child though is he？ He's interested in criticising OPs parenting and 'teaching' her how to do it properly.

I had DC very late, and met lots of 'young mums' who were doing a really lovely job of parenting. I also met lots of 'young dads' who were also doing a good job of parenting. I have also met plenty of younger and older parents who were not doing such a great job tbh. I don't think that age is the defining factor in good parenting, it's much more to do with character and effort.

I thought the same @Radiatorvalves.@Bootsandmy husband is late 50’s with 3 children now all in their 20’s he was very hands on in their care and playing, whoever was nearest the baby changed when necessary etc. All our friends and family were the same . Maybe men a couple of generations further back were more hands off but not those raising children in the 90’s and 00’s.

Thank you for your comments which I am sure are kindly motivated - I have taken them on board and will take them further in my own time, so no need to keep reminding me now.

You’re right @MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack but I’m guessing you had lots of time with your DD? The problem arises when parents are time poor and therefore put up with all sorts from their children which other people find unacceptable?

I was about as child centric as you can get with regard to my parenting style. I couldn't be happier with how my dd has turned out as an adult.

You don't spoil children by giving them time, attention, love and respect.

I say yes ok.

Day later uncle sends a text saying ‘hope I didn’t speak out of turn. But you need to set boundaries...

Oh, the irony.