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lost friend of 17 years over loan

262 replies

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 13:19

My closest friend from 17 years borrowed money from me 2 years ago, close to 10k, i didnt ask her much about the particulars and i trusted her when she said she would return it 6 months later. 18 months went by, i needed the money as i was going through custody issues with my daughter and had taken out credit cards to pay for solicitors, plus i got a new job and my pay dropped significantly. She did not talk about paying me back i bought it up with her a few weeks ago, the first time we spoke, she gave me a plan that she was goign to sell her house and look for a job abroad (i found this odd but didnt question), then her circumstances changed, she got pregnant and told me she didnt know when she could pay me back, and didnt have a plan and couldnt even offer a monthly repayment plan. My mum was aware and called her to gently ask her what was going on and she gave my mum more random excuses. She then called me to tell me my mum had spoken to her and i wasnt sure why she was telling me because there was still no plan. I got very upset as she told me i was not allowed to discuss with anyone (our families are old friends) and she would not involve her husband or family as she didnt want to cause them stress. She asked me to ask my mum not to discuss with her family either. I felt betrayed as she had watched me suffer due to getting into abusive relationships and be expolited and felt she was treating me the same. She told me that was my 'perception' and i had to tell her i didnt want to talk until she had a plan.

A week later, her mum repaid the loan (surprisingly) and told me i has caused her too much stress and she was bleeding as a result and asked me not to contact her again. my friend blocked me on all social media and then i found out her daughter had unfriended my daughter online (these girls are aged 7 and 8). This hurt the most as i felt it was petty and unnecessary.

Was i wrong to ask her for a plan about repayment?

OP posts:
grimupnorthnot · 07/11/2025 14:43

YANBU - but as a rule, I never lend money I would expect back - if I'm happy to lose it, then I'll lend it, but that would only be to close family - would never lend to anyone else

NimbleDreamer · 07/11/2025 14:41

This is why I never lend anyone money.

Sorry your friend turned out to be a user. I'm glad you got the money back though 👍

NewsdeskJC · 07/11/2025 14:41

In your shoes, be glad that you got the money.
Fair? No
Just? No
But just move on

Raindancer411 · 07/11/2025 14:41

As others have said, you are better off without her and her dramas and at least you are whole ago now

AquaForce · 07/11/2025 14:41

The only surprise here is that you got the money back - not from her of course but at least you have it. I knew she wouldn't pay you back and she didn't. You've learned a lesson and were very lucky to not be out of pocket.

This is what I think.

A person who has no money/savings is someone who has spent every penny that has ever passed through their hands. This is their relationship with money and they will treat yours the same. They don't care.

There's a reason banks won't lend to them. It's the same reason you shouldn't. If big banks that can take a hit now and then on a bad debt won't even lend to them, you shouldn't either.

Viviennemary · 07/11/2025 14:40

She has treated you abominably. Absolute lowlife. Be grateful her and her family are out of your life. If anyone asked why the friendship has broken down tell them to ask her.

Bulldog01 · 07/11/2025 14:38

Feel sad,that you have been treated this way! You borrowed a large amount of money,which she should of let you know when & how she was going to repay.Thank god,her Mother repaid the debt.No way should you question how you approached this friend,regarding payment! Who needs Friends like that? You had not done anything wrong! Life is too short to have to deal with these kind of people!

MrsBobtonTrent · 07/11/2025 14:37

It's great she has blocked you - your social circle is self-cleansing. No one needs people like this in their lives - a genuine friend would not treat you this way.

Your daughter has another friend to play computer games with, and hopefully some other friends in the real world - she will move on. It sounds like the friendship between your DD and your ex-friend's child was more a convenience for both families rather than a genuine connection in its own right.

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 14:37

i informed my family that i had leant her money, they all knew her from childhood and they did ask me when she was going to pay it back, i told them 6 months and they knew she had a good job. I did get a lot of flack for not knowing the specifics but by that time, i'd already helped her. I had hope and trust that surely she wouldnt let me down like that

OP posts:
WheresthesaladTheresthesalad · 07/11/2025 14:36

Cosyblackcatonbed · 07/11/2025 14:31

She wasn't a friend. She was a thief who was planning to steal £10k from you. Sounds like she is now manipulating her mother for money rather than you. I wouldn't give her another thought. So pleased you got your money back!

This.

So pleased you've got your money back, OP. Block this CF from your life - she is no friend.

Addtosignup · 07/11/2025 14:33

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 14:32

definitely not financially literate to lend a friend 10k but i was so worried and scared for her when she asked me, didnt really run through the risks

And you didn’t have an “open conversation” with your family?

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 14:32

Addtosignup · 07/11/2025 14:27

On the basis of this thread Op, I am afraid you’re mistaken

definitely not financially literate to lend a friend 10k but i was so worried and scared for her when she asked me, didnt really run through the risks

OP posts:
Cosyblackcatonbed · 07/11/2025 14:31

She wasn't a friend. She was a thief who was planning to steal £10k from you. Sounds like she is now manipulating her mother for money rather than you. I wouldn't give her another thought. So pleased you got your money back!

whatcanthematterbe81 · 07/11/2025 14:30

Apologies, just saw your response to the SM after I posted

whatcanthematterbe81 · 07/11/2025 14:30

You’ve done nothing wrong! She got herself stressed not you. 7 and 8 year olds on social media is a bit strange to me but not the point of the thread

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 14:29

CausalInference · 07/11/2025 14:28

You got your money back, job done.

Why does a 7 year old have social media? I think you need to be addressing this before you worry about anything else.

she's on roblox and only has two friends that we know since birth! she is not on social media otherwise and i am anti social media. she plays games with these two friends

OP posts:
housethatbuiltme · 07/11/2025 14:28

Never lend money.

If you lend money you most often lose both the money and the 'friend', If you say 'no' upfront then you only lose the 'friend'.

CausalInference · 07/11/2025 14:28

You got your money back, job done.

Why does a 7 year old have social media? I think you need to be addressing this before you worry about anything else.

Mizztikle · 07/11/2025 14:28

She's upset because she had no intentions of paying you back but now you've tackled her she's had to get the money from her mom, which she will definitely have to pay back. she saw you as a meal ticket and she thought you were too much of a coward to ask her for the money back.
Good on you for not letting her use you any longer, now block the whole family and move on, good riddance.

OriginalUsername2 · 07/11/2025 14:27

Definitely no apologies. Nothing to apologise for here.

Linenpickle · 07/11/2025 14:27

They are seriously entitled… no loss to that very poor one sided friendship. You’re better off without them.

WhatDaHell · 07/11/2025 14:27

The guilt tripping about the bleeding is awful. I really can't imagine a scenario that I would ever insinuate something like that.

Addtosignup · 07/11/2025 14:27

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 14:24

I dont spend on myself or a lot in general, not really an investor or know much about savings accounts etc. I'm quite successful and compared to my family, i would say im not financially literate. However compared to the average joe, i probably am.

On the basis of this thread Op, I am afraid you’re mistaken

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 14:26

Thank you all so much for your reponses. I have been living in perpetual guilt wondering she is ok in her pregnancy and whether i should reach out to apologise but i think i will let this go now. I have definitely learnt my lesson the hard way and now i know to only hand out money that is a gift ad not a loan

OP posts:
theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 07/11/2025 14:25

your pal has had a bollocking off her mother who has had to pay you back and your friend has spat her dummy out.

She is spoilt and entitled and you have had a lucky escape.

This is a her problem not a you problem, you are a good friend. It's her loss not yours