lost friend of 17 years over loan

That's utterly ridiculous. Op is in no way responsible for this women's miscarriage or money troubles. What a crazy take. Look at all the stress op was put under.

Please take the learning but don't feel like an idiot. Scammers and con artists get away with stuff BECAUSE THEY ARE EFFING GOOD AT WHAT THEY DO.

Her mum was probably really embarrassed that friend had firstly borrowed such a large sum of money of you, and secondly she hadn’t paid it back! For whatever reason, Friend didn’t want anyone to know about the loan.

You did nothing wrong. (apart from loaning the money in the first place, but you did that out if kindness).

Your friend and her mum are horrible people. Totally immoral and selfish. Please don’t torture yourself, I hope this thread helps you see this is her fault, not yours.

Sorry for all the stress you're going through op. Please don't loan money again, you don't have enough of a safety net. Put your own household first. You were a great friend and she doesn't deserve you.

This is just one side of the story, I expect there’s more to it, as you’ve potentially caused a loss of her pregnancy due to the stress. You’re probably just as bad as each other and your 7 and 8 year olds should not have social media!!

You haven't done anything wrong OP. For her Mum to say she's now bleeding from the stress you caused is completely heartless. Where's her proof that it was caused by you? Impossible to prove and I highly doubt it was this, bleeding can be caused by many other reasons and bleeding doesn't always mean miscarriage.

To add, glad she's gone, trash took itself out. Hope you're ok OP.

I was just going to say this

I loaned money (a LOT less than 10k!) to someone I thought of as a friend

She promptly unfriended me and has never paid a penny back

I was so angry but made peace with never getting it back but her smear campaign has to be heard to be believed

Apparently I was so nasty to her,she lost her baby (she wasn't pregnant in the first place),she almost lost her house and relationship because of me (utter bullshit-he spent all their money on weed and she almost lost her house by not paying the rent) and she never borrowed anything from me in the first place! (so why was i asking for it back?)

It's a way of deflecting from the fact they where in the wrong

More fool anyone who believes her lies

This

You sound like a lovely, patient, supportive friend. You have done absolutely nothing to feel bad about. Your ex-friend (and her mother) sounds awful and I suspect you will be better off without her.
I do feel sorry for your daughter but sadly it would seem her actions will always be dictated by the Mum so it’s probably better that happened now rather than in a few years when it will potentially be even more upsetting for your daughter to lose her.

No you were wrong to lend her such a huge sum in the first place.

When you loan people money they are always pretty desperate, otherwise they wouldn't need to loan it from you.

So not surprisingly desperate people find money hard to repay.

Lesson learnt.

In future, consult family before financial decisions ?

"Was i wrong to ask her for a plan about repayment?"

You were wrong to lend her the money in the first place. Shakespeare was right - neither a lender nor a borrower be.
You have lost a pretty worthless friend - you're better off without her.

Of course you are not unreasonable. But -
Never lend money you aren't prepared to lose and
Don't have 7 and 8 year olds online

Fuck her. She isnt your friend. If she was your friend she would have paid the money back in a timely matter. She would have never put you in a position where you had to ask for it. 10k isn't chicken shit it's a huge amount of money. I'm sorry about her stress but she wasn't concerned enough about your stress to pay you back. Why is her stress more important than yours? I'm glad her mum paid you back. Let her mum be stressed about getting it back now.

She wasn’t a friend to you. She manipulated you and guilt tripped you to hide her own shame. You think you are being nice and protecting your friend by keeping their secret but it potentially stops you finding out they already owe others or others from finding out she’s getting multiple loans. When she needed money why couldn’t she have gone to family before you, or had she? You and your DD are better off without. It’s hard to explain to kids but it was your friend who unfriended your DD or told her child to do it. Do you really want your child to have someone like that around? It’s not you, it’s her. You should be angry with her. Her mum should certainly not be angry with you. Concentrate on you and your DD.

She's a cf. She's not your friend. She never intended to pay you back. Im glad you got your money back.

Fuck that, if someone owed me £10k and made up excuses as to pay me back i would be dragging anyone and everyone in to ask them for it back and told anybody who would listen.

People like her get away with it because they rely on us keeping quite, not kicking up a fuss and not telling anyone. She only repaid as the mums got involved.

Exactly why I don’t lend money out anymore - always difficult to get back.

I’m always happy to gift money to friends if they are really struggling but it is small amounts that I know I won’t ever see again - I consider it the same as if I’d paid for say a lunch or dinner out somewhere

You are not in the wrong though - £10k is a significant amount and it seems as though she tried to isolate who you were ‘allowed’ to discuss it with as a further way to minimise her having to pay it back.

Move on - nobody needs friends like this. Sorry about your daughter though - I agree that was unnecessary and it’s a very parent led move.

I would also make sure that our acquaintances know of the difficulties I have had recovering the money she was glad to borrow in case she tries her hard luck stories on anyone else.