Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

lost friend of 17 years over loan

262 replies

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 13:19

My closest friend from 17 years borrowed money from me 2 years ago, close to 10k, i didnt ask her much about the particulars and i trusted her when she said she would return it 6 months later. 18 months went by, i needed the money as i was going through custody issues with my daughter and had taken out credit cards to pay for solicitors, plus i got a new job and my pay dropped significantly. She did not talk about paying me back i bought it up with her a few weeks ago, the first time we spoke, she gave me a plan that she was goign to sell her house and look for a job abroad (i found this odd but didnt question), then her circumstances changed, she got pregnant and told me she didnt know when she could pay me back, and didnt have a plan and couldnt even offer a monthly repayment plan. My mum was aware and called her to gently ask her what was going on and she gave my mum more random excuses. She then called me to tell me my mum had spoken to her and i wasnt sure why she was telling me because there was still no plan. I got very upset as she told me i was not allowed to discuss with anyone (our families are old friends) and she would not involve her husband or family as she didnt want to cause them stress. She asked me to ask my mum not to discuss with her family either. I felt betrayed as she had watched me suffer due to getting into abusive relationships and be expolited and felt she was treating me the same. She told me that was my 'perception' and i had to tell her i didnt want to talk until she had a plan.

A week later, her mum repaid the loan (surprisingly) and told me i has caused her too much stress and she was bleeding as a result and asked me not to contact her again. my friend blocked me on all social media and then i found out her daughter had unfriended my daughter online (these girls are aged 7 and 8). This hurt the most as i felt it was petty and unnecessary.

Was i wrong to ask her for a plan about repayment?

OP posts:
SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 07/11/2025 15:42

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 15:41

i've been thinking of getting rid of the ipad all together tbh, and keeping just TV screen time

A struggle we all have, I would do.

Sorry didn;t mean to go off on one but to find someone actually grooming him blew my mind, terrible thing.

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 15:41

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 07/11/2025 15:40

Yeah thats what I was doing. Get Roblox off all devices. It's an absolute pox.

i've been thinking of getting rid of the ipad all together tbh, and keeping just TV screen time

OP posts:
EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 07/11/2025 15:40

She was NEVER going to pay you back and it’s only happened because people knew about it. No class of person and no friend

Purplebunnie · 07/11/2025 15:40

TBH your "friend" is lucky you didn't take her to the small claims court - now that really would have given her stress

And I think I would have responded to the mom that it has given you stress to be out of pocket to the tune of £10K with no apparent urgency/plan from her DD to repay you. What about all the interest you have lost over the period of time

You are better off without these people

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 07/11/2025 15:40

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 15:39

Its supervised and she has limited screen time

Yeah thats what I was doing. Get Roblox off all devices. It's an absolute pox.

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 15:39

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 07/11/2025 15:37

thats literally worse. Roblox has less than zero parental controls, my 8 year old was honestly, not mucking about, groomed on there.

Edited

Its supervised and she has limited screen time

OP posts:
uk1990 · 07/11/2025 15:38

Enrichetta · 07/11/2025 15:34

Or even better, instead of relying on family etc for advice, become financially literate. Get a couple of books from the library. Start with a simple financial management book, then look at investments (ISAs, pensions), including equity funds and long-term goals. You’ll feel much more secure if you know what you’re doing and are in control.

I'm actually in the process of now doing this and have got my shit together in the last 3 to 4 months! I used that money that she repaid to pay of the cards and have invested some as well 😄with the help of family.

Coming out of a relationship with a man who was not treating me well and their family who groomed me for months, and then also proceeded to financially abusing me was very incredibly difficult to recover from.

I have contact with my daughter again and things are slowly improving

OP posts:
SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 07/11/2025 15:37

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 15:29

its roblox, not tiktok or insta

thats literally worse. Roblox has less than zero parental controls, my 8 year old was honestly, not mucking about, groomed on there.

Nsky62 · 07/11/2025 15:37

Kimura · 07/11/2025 13:46

Was i wrong to ask her for a plan about repayment?

You were wrong to lend it to her in the first place without knowing what it was for and having a repayment plan in place.

At least her mother has some shame. I expect she didn't want you talking to her family as they weren't aware of her money issues, and now it's all come out in the wash.

You needed a written agreement, none in place, signed by both

Enrichetta · 07/11/2025 15:34

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 15:01

lol most definitely

Or even better, instead of relying on family etc for advice, become financially literate. Get a couple of books from the library. Start with a simple financial management book, then look at investments (ISAs, pensions), including equity funds and long-term goals. You’ll feel much more secure if you know what you’re doing and are in control.

DiscoBob · 07/11/2025 15:34

What a couple of arseholes. You caused her stress by asking for your own money?!

Good riddance.

And please don't ever lend money to friends again. I mean buying eachother a pint or a coffee is fine but anything more and it's asking for it to end in tears.

At least you got it back.

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 15:32

Invinoveritaz · 07/11/2025 15:31

Why are your 7 and 8 year old daughters on social media?

they play games on robox together, you know the silly colour block and spelling tournament ones

OP posts:
Invinoveritaz · 07/11/2025 15:31

Why are your 7 and 8 year old daughters on social media?

TesChique · 07/11/2025 15:30

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 13:19

My closest friend from 17 years borrowed money from me 2 years ago, close to 10k, i didnt ask her much about the particulars and i trusted her when she said she would return it 6 months later. 18 months went by, i needed the money as i was going through custody issues with my daughter and had taken out credit cards to pay for solicitors, plus i got a new job and my pay dropped significantly. She did not talk about paying me back i bought it up with her a few weeks ago, the first time we spoke, she gave me a plan that she was goign to sell her house and look for a job abroad (i found this odd but didnt question), then her circumstances changed, she got pregnant and told me she didnt know when she could pay me back, and didnt have a plan and couldnt even offer a monthly repayment plan. My mum was aware and called her to gently ask her what was going on and she gave my mum more random excuses. She then called me to tell me my mum had spoken to her and i wasnt sure why she was telling me because there was still no plan. I got very upset as she told me i was not allowed to discuss with anyone (our families are old friends) and she would not involve her husband or family as she didnt want to cause them stress. She asked me to ask my mum not to discuss with her family either. I felt betrayed as she had watched me suffer due to getting into abusive relationships and be expolited and felt she was treating me the same. She told me that was my 'perception' and i had to tell her i didnt want to talk until she had a plan.

A week later, her mum repaid the loan (surprisingly) and told me i has caused her too much stress and she was bleeding as a result and asked me not to contact her again. my friend blocked me on all social media and then i found out her daughter had unfriended my daughter online (these girls are aged 7 and 8). This hurt the most as i felt it was petty and unnecessary.

Was i wrong to ask her for a plan about repayment?

of course you weren't wrong

her mum knows this too, or she wouldn't have repaid you

LBFseBrom · 07/11/2025 15:30

You did nothing wrong, you had the right to know when you were getting your money back, especially as you needed it.

The only thing I will say is it was not a good idea to tell your mother. Even if both families were friends, things like that should be kept confidential.

However what's done is done, I am sorry this has soured your friendship but such things often do. It was a lot of money and your friend was in the wrong not to discuss repayments with you.

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 15:29

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 07/11/2025 15:13

came here to say that...

its roblox, not tiktok or insta

OP posts:
chattyness · 07/11/2025 15:28

It sounds like she had no intention of paying you back, so you're well rid of her now. I'm glad her mum gave you the money back at least.

Strwpaste · 07/11/2025 15:25

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

AlexisP90 · 07/11/2025 15:24

You totally did the right thing. She wasnt even trying at the end to even talk about how she may pay it bac
Didnt even offer £20 a month.

Better off without her. Its sad her daughter blocked yours but that will be her mum spreading poison. When shes a bit older she will see the truth.

luckylavender · 07/11/2025 15:19

Why on earth are 7/ 8 year olds on line?

Devilsmommy · 07/11/2025 15:19

OP you have done nothing wrong at all. She's a cheeky cow who thought she could get away with not paying back nearly 10k just because you're good friends. And the bullshit about her bleeding because of all the supposed stress you caused is completely guilty trippy because she wants you to feel bad to take away from the fact she's acted like a complete twat. Do not feel bad at all. You've been nothing but good to her and she's paid you back in this real shitty way. And having her daughter block yours is petty and ridiculous. Hurting a child because you're a cheeky fucker just shows what kind of person she is. I'm sorry you lost your friend but it doesn't sound like she was that good a one anyway

Hons123 · 07/11/2025 15:16

She is a horrible, nasty person. Don't give it a second's thought. Well rid of her!

Silverbirchleaf · 07/11/2025 15:14

I woujdn’t necessarily blame the friends mum. She did pay the loan back in full , and maybe just passing on a message from her daughter, however unlikely it was.

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 07/11/2025 15:13

Addtosignup · 07/11/2025 13:46

What social media is a 7 and 8 year old on!!??

came here to say that...

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 07/11/2025 15:12

@uk1990 I am glad you got your money back. I don't think you lost a friend. You lost a leech/CFer.

You did nothing wrong, except you trusted someone you thought you knew very well. She failed the trusted friend test, not you.

I hope the rest of your situation improves for you soon.