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lost friend of 17 years over loan

262 replies

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 13:19

My closest friend from 17 years borrowed money from me 2 years ago, close to 10k, i didnt ask her much about the particulars and i trusted her when she said she would return it 6 months later. 18 months went by, i needed the money as i was going through custody issues with my daughter and had taken out credit cards to pay for solicitors, plus i got a new job and my pay dropped significantly. She did not talk about paying me back i bought it up with her a few weeks ago, the first time we spoke, she gave me a plan that she was goign to sell her house and look for a job abroad (i found this odd but didnt question), then her circumstances changed, she got pregnant and told me she didnt know when she could pay me back, and didnt have a plan and couldnt even offer a monthly repayment plan. My mum was aware and called her to gently ask her what was going on and she gave my mum more random excuses. She then called me to tell me my mum had spoken to her and i wasnt sure why she was telling me because there was still no plan. I got very upset as she told me i was not allowed to discuss with anyone (our families are old friends) and she would not involve her husband or family as she didnt want to cause them stress. She asked me to ask my mum not to discuss with her family either. I felt betrayed as she had watched me suffer due to getting into abusive relationships and be expolited and felt she was treating me the same. She told me that was my 'perception' and i had to tell her i didnt want to talk until she had a plan.

A week later, her mum repaid the loan (surprisingly) and told me i has caused her too much stress and she was bleeding as a result and asked me not to contact her again. my friend blocked me on all social media and then i found out her daughter had unfriended my daughter online (these girls are aged 7 and 8). This hurt the most as i felt it was petty and unnecessary.

Was i wrong to ask her for a plan about repayment?

OP posts:
SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 07/11/2025 16:54

This is incredibly and depressingly common and its on her and her lack of intergrity not you.

I'd be inclined to go via small claims if i had enpugh proof it was a loan.
Edit: just rtft and you got your money back. You have done better than most in your situation i'd take it as a win

briq · 07/11/2025 16:44

I'd rather have my money back than be bossed around by a so-called friend who is happy to borrow large sums from friends but can't be bothered to pay it back as stated (or at least be very apologetic and proactive about planning to pay as soon as possible). Sorry you've lost the friend, but YWNBU.

Duvetdramas · 07/11/2025 16:32

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

user1471538283 · 07/11/2025 16:29

Blaming something on your perception of it is guilt talking. Whatever they want to say she had no intention of paying the loan back. So she's a thief.

its so upsetting when long term friends that you consider family treat you with contempt. But time will ease it.

freakingscared · 07/11/2025 16:26

Keep any messages regarding this issue and take her to court . I would also contact her husband and family . She is making excuses and absolutely not your friends in any way

Biker47 · 07/11/2025 16:22

Yeah, good riddance, you were never going to get that money back from her. Luckily you did, plenty of people on here have had similar happen and never get anything back so that's the silver lining.

euff · 07/11/2025 16:21

ForFunnyOliveEagle · 07/11/2025 15:06

This is just one side of the story, I expect there’s more to it, as you’ve potentially caused a loss of her pregnancy due to the stress. You’re probably just as bad as each other and your 7 and 8 year olds should not have social media!!

Are you the friend? The OP has been put into hardship and caused stress by her so called friend not paying the loan back in six months as she said she would. So called friend didn’t make any other plans and had to be asked. Now says op is causing her stress. It’s all on the friend.

OriginalUsername2 · 07/11/2025 16:20

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 16:04

her mum paid me back and asked me not to contact her daughter ever again because i had caused problems in her pregnancy

You’re better off without them. They clearly have many issues.

MatronPomfrey · 07/11/2025 16:15

No matter the circumstances, it is upsetting when a friendship ends. I wonder if she’s more annoyed at getting caught out. It’s possible her family didn’t know she borrowed money. She could have been living beyond her means or gambling. Now she felt forced to tell her Mum and have her Mum pay you back. Maybe her husband still isn’t aware. You are not the problem here and have not caused any health issues he is experiencing. I’d block her and move on.

Bollihobs · 07/11/2025 16:11

I'd count yourself lucky OP, she's shown you her true colours and she's done all the blocking for you. And you've got your money back. Give her no more thought but it's a lesson for the future - lending money is a minefield.

Maia77 · 07/11/2025 16:07

She was never a true friend. You don't need friends like that.

Doubledenim305 · 07/11/2025 16:05

You haven't actually lost a 'friend'. That's not how a friend behaves.
I am happy you have got your money back.
Nobody in their right mind would borrow a huge sum of money, not pay it back and make out that you were in the wrong for asking for it when you needed it.
Seriously out there horrible behaviour.

Zov · 07/11/2025 16:05

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 16:04

her mum paid me back and asked me not to contact her daughter ever again because i had caused problems in her pregnancy

Oh I'm sorry. That will teach me to read all the OP's posts!!!

Glad you got it back, but yeah, as has been said, you did NOTHING wrong. I'm sorry you're going through this. Flowers

Moonlightfrog · 07/11/2025 16:04

She’s not a friend. It’s a hard lesson to learn but ‘never gift/lend money to someone if you can’t afford to lose that money’ it happens so often. It was a huge amount to loan someone and a huge amount to assume she would be able to pay back. At least you now have the money. She’s now trying to make you feel awful about it which just proves what a rubbish friend she is/was.
Now you have the money I would just cut contact and move on.

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 16:04

Zov · 07/11/2025 15:54

I always go by the mantra 'never EVER lend any money to anyone that you can't comfortably afford to lose.' Not much help sorry @uk1990 but you could try the small claims court. I don't fancy your chances of getting the money back though. £10K is LOADS of money. She's not going to give it back.

her mum paid me back and asked me not to contact her daughter ever again because i had caused problems in her pregnancy

OP posts:
333FionaG · 07/11/2025 16:01

Only lend money to family members, never to friends. You have dodged a bullet by not having this woman in her life any longer. As for the children, they are young, they will make other friends.

paradisecircus · 07/11/2025 16:01

You haven't done anything wrong; she's a CF and you're better off without her. Sad though when you're friends with a long history - no doubt you thought you could trust her and have had to learn the hard way that you can't. The stuff about bleeding is nonsense. I had a friend once who ended up owing me loads of money and would dissolve into tears about a miscarriage or 'cancer scare' when it was brought up.

Sassylovesbooks · 07/11/2025 15:58

You are 100% not unreasonable. Your friend borrowed £10K from you (for goodness knows what) and then failed to pay the money back. She came up with 100 excuses why she couldn't pay and then eventually admitted she had no idea how she intended to pay or when. My guess is, she lied to her family about why she borrowed it in the first place, and the arrangement you had. Now she's making you feel guilty and so is her Mum. In all honesty this person isn't a friend, she's used you and she'd have never repaid the money if you hadn't persued it. It's sad for your children. I would mark this down to experience. Never ever lend money to anyone ever again. Accept the friendship is now over. Do you really want this woman in your life after the way she's treated you?! I wouldn't. She's shown her true colours.

Zov · 07/11/2025 15:54

I always go by the mantra 'never EVER lend any money to anyone that you can't comfortably afford to lose.' Not much help sorry @uk1990 but you could try the small claims court. I don't fancy your chances of getting the money back though. £10K is LOADS of money. She's not going to give it back.

itsgettingweird · 07/11/2025 15:50

Glad you got your money back and also got a freeloader out of your life.

Of course it’ll take a while for the pain to heal but you can make more friends easier than finding £10k!

OriginalUsername2 · 07/11/2025 15:49

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 07/11/2025 15:37

thats literally worse. Roblox has less than zero parental controls, my 8 year old was honestly, not mucking about, groomed on there.

Edited

I was going to say, OP should sit with them and watch the chat when they’re playing to keep an eye on it.

Pugdays5 · 07/11/2025 15:49

How dare they both blame you
What dreadful dreadful people the mother and daughter are .
However
You got your money back ..so that's brilliant

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 07/11/2025 15:48

This reads to me she has cut contact so her dh doesn’t find out.

MrsBrianJones · 07/11/2025 15:47

There's an old saying, never a borrower or a lender be.

I'm so sorry you found out the hard way, the best thing to do when asked for a loan is to direct the asker to their local bank.

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 15:45

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 07/11/2025 15:42

A struggle we all have, I would do.

Sorry didn;t mean to go off on one but to find someone actually grooming him blew my mind, terrible thing.

its an ongoing struggle, we've had ipad free months numerous times and then something happens and i fall of the boundaries wagon, with my lack of consistency and giving in sadly.
I'm sorry you faced that, it sounds horrifying
DD is not allowed to engage with anyone who message her

OP posts: