Petty issue now a big issue, because he swore on my deathbed

Right. Now we have got to the crux.

First off: you need to tell him that by leaving a gift to the last minute he didn't have time to plan and he gave you a load of shite that you either don'T need or can't use. Can you at least return the Pyjamas?

So now you need to be clear with him about what are appropriate gifts for occasions like anniversaries, birthdays and christmas. And that if he feels he can't work it out, you can give him very specific lists/links and that from now on, all gifts must come from the list. (range of prices etc)

As for the lying. This is clearly a very big issue for you. You two need to talk about this in a rational way. You can use the example of your ex- swearing on your life and it being a lie and how much that hurts you and how that makes someone untrustworthy. And now your current DH has done the same thing, lied, sworn on your life, and been found out. How does he proprose to redeem himself in your eyes so that you can trust him again?

I am interested though: do you ask them to swear on your life? that is very silly and you need to stop if that is the case.
The normal way to swear something, is on a holy book or on your own life. Not someone elses. You both need to pack that in, it is childish.

I understand what you’re saying about lying. It’s horrible even when it’s small stuff. It’s also not nice that he wasn’t very thoughtful for your anniversary.

Only you know if he lies all the time and is generally a complete shit. If he’s generally ok then I’d probably let the small stuff slide.

No one has said that. Obviously lying isn't good - but you think swearing on your deathbed somehow makes it worse, which is nonsense. I can see why he felt he had to lie because you had the gifts in time, just not far in advance enough to be acceptable to you. Seems a bit like you're looking for an issue when there isn't one.

If he lies and that is unacceptable to you, that is the issue you need to talk about, calmly

You will never change him. But you can change yourself.

You are fussy, ungracious, high-maintenance, and hard to please.
He is thoughtless, lazy, self-centred, and doesn't care about you enough to get appropriate gifts for you.
When you "investigate" what he does or doesn't do, he gets defensive. Then he lies to shut you up.

You will never be able to stop him lying, and will never trust him.
But you can try to stop "investigating" and let things go. That might ease his defensiveness.

Ultimately - do you want this relationship to succeed, even if that means accepting he is a liar?

Well, I agree, but equally, I don't think people should interrogate their spouses about when they purchased gifts.

You will each have to decide whether or not you are willing to live with each other's shortcomings. That's kind of how marriage works.

See you are being difficult and twisting want everyone's saying. Do you do that to him?

No one's saying it was OK for him to lie. People have said you backed him into a corner over something ridiculous.

Well I think it's an unusual person who never lies. Maybe you're that unicorn, I don't know, but I'd say most of us have complimented a bad haircut or claimed to have remembered meeting someone we actually have no recollection of whatsoever.

Your husband told a minor lie to spare your feelings. If you'd liked the gift, it wouldn't actually matter whether he'd bought it on the day or the week before. In my view, the real issue is that he put no thought into your gift.

Everyone lies a little from time to time. He lied because you were making a big fuss about when the pjs were bought and he wanted to shut it down. He should have just told you to cop yourself on.
You sound really difficult actually.

Swearing on anything doesn’t mean a thing. We used to say it as children and be lying through our teeth.

Any adult who sets any store by it appears pretty immature to me.

I think you need to self reflect and question why he felt the need to lie to you.

Yeah, OP's DH lying to her then doing histrionics about it is definitely petty. Not!

OP, I'm with you. Forgetting an anniversary, I can live with. Out and out lying, and digging in about it, I would hate.

Making mountains out of molehills results in people lying to avoid that.

And I agree with OP he shouldn't do that either, but I also don't understand whybrhar was even a conversation.

Good lord, I can see why he lied. What a palaver over nothing.

Never? Ever? About anything at all? Not even the smallest white lie?
That's not a remotely realistic expectation of anyone, even yourself.

You said it was "All nice enough".

I get the impression you might be quite hard to live with.

A liar is a liar.

I also wouldnt trust "swearing on your life" anyway from anyone over the age of 8

It's not the swearing on your life that's the issue, can't you see that? Your ex lied about something massive, your DH lied about how far in advance he bought pyjamas.

"You could probably solve this by having a conversation about lying, and then moving on."

What @watchingplanesicantaffordsaid, but have a think about gratitude as well.

I don’t think “swearing on someone’s deathbed” means anything like what you think it means, to him. See also “swearing down” or “swearing on a life”. I suspect that it holds as much meaning for him as it does to me, which is none. So in reality it’s not as big a transgression for him as it would be for you. I also don’t get the purchase in advance thing but have no idea how to tackle that sorry.

no because that is just nonsense anyway.

But. If either of you do take that kind of thing seriously, it was another stupid action in a whole row of stupid actions.