Petty issue now a big issue, because he swore on my deathbed

Swearing on anything is pointless & childish to me. You believe what someone is saying or you don’t is how I live, so no I wouldn’t have an issue with it other than thinking it was silly. In your situation, you obviously do take stuff like that seriously, I see this as more of a white lie because you were taking issue with the gift though. I don’t think this means he’s a serial liar and cheat though, just a bad call in an awkward situation 🤷🏻‍♀️

He got it anniversary gifts. You simply should have left it there. Why did it even matter when he bought them? You sound hard work and about 12!

He didn't cover up an affair. You made a big and completely unnecessary hooha about the day he bought the gifts. Says more about you than him that he didn't dare to tell you when he purchased it.

I don’t tolerate lied and I broke up my first marriage for what some would consider petty white lies. If they cant be honest about the basics then you can’t truest them at all.

That said, you it could have just been grateful instead of picking holes because he left it ‘late in the day’ - a lot of people lie when they don’t need to to try and avoid conflict and it does sound like you were trying to create some.

I believe in the importance of honesty but this sounds very minor. You're the one who put pressure on him because you wanted him to have bought your present some time ago, as if that makes it more valid in some way. Not everyone is organised or likes to plan ahead. As long as a present isn't late, what does it matter? Everyone tells lies- white lies to smooth things over are common.(e.g. I had a great holiday thank you - meaning I don't want to tell you my family problems).

You could have just teased him having found the receipt.

I don't think lying is good in a relationship. But in this case, he probably felt cornered by you for making such a fuss about the presents - it was a white lie to stop you from having a go at him and/or to stop you from being upset that the gifts were not pre planned before the actual day.

I struggle with the expectation people sometimes have - like in this instance - where one partner goes all out for gifts, anniversaries etc and the other doesn't. You might think that he should go all out because you do - but why are you right? Why so much emphasis and importance on planning and purchasing gifts?

I'd also be worried about you checking receipts etc as if there is a lack of trust. Clearly your past relationships have impacted how you feel today and that is understandable - perhaps there is some work you can do on this to avoid overreactions like this in future.

yes but that's on him and it is easily disprovable. So you'Re going on holiday. You say "cancel the milk" and he confirms that he has.

You come back to 14 bottles of milk in varying stages of curdled - it is easy to say "why did you say you cancelled the milk when you hadn't?" Then you have another discussion about lying and consequences.

However. You sound overly anxious about it and i wonder if you are cut out for a relationship with this man?

Swear on your life/deathbed/pinky promise is all nonsense.

Why does it matter if he bought the gifts on the day? You are not ‘better’ because you bought yours in advance. Who cares?

It’s supposed to add extra conviction to your statement, like ‘may god strike me down dead if I am telling a lie’.
But in this case he wished the striking down dead on his partner.

To be fair swearing on your life, or your mothers life, or your child’s life is pretty meaningless. I have yet to meet anyone weeping because they swore on their mothers life and she keeled over in the kitchen and died on the spot.

You’re getting a hard time here Op. yes in the grand scheme of things, it’s PJs at the end of the day. But I get why you’re annoyed with the lying. There’s no reason for it. And you’re right, it would make you doubt anything he says in the future, little or big.

You're just repeating yourself now, OP, and not engaging with what anyone is saying unless they agree with you.

What do you want from this thread?

I’d be cancelling the life insurance just in case.

I didn't see how long you've been together but did you not already know that he was a liar? My ex used to lie like a 6 year old to his mother (me). Tiny stuff that wouldn't have mattered, did you use the last of the Paracetemols ....To bigger stuff, he went through lots of jobs each time with a story about unfairness or having been misled about what the job was.

I tried to think that he thought lying didn't matter, an early adopter of "my truth" until one day I told him I was going shopping, met a friend and went to the pub instead. No big deal, but when I got home he was furious and accused me of lying, presumably for saying I was going shopping.

If they lie about small things it doesn't mean they won't lie about big things, it just means they will lie about anything. He also stole from my purse (back in the cash days) and tried to say it must have been our child.

It's nonsense to start with. What does "swearing on your life/deathbed" even mean?

But it was a lie to spare your feelings. He didn’t want you to feel “less-than” because he hadn’t had time to put something together that was more thoughtful. The fact this even came up sounds like you were interrogating him over it.

If you just found a bunch of receipts in the bottom of a bag, you would have had to deliberately scour them to find the date of purchase. If I knew the pyjamas were from Asda, I would have just thrown the Asda receipt away as I was always taught it’s bad form to check how much gifts cost etc. You wanted this to be an issue, so now it is.

I don’t like to swear on people’s lives, it seems like tempting fate. Like picking up a penny, or walking under a ladder, or throwing salt over your shoulder. I would be extra annoyed my husband swore on MY life about a lie, he should have sworn on his own life.

I know it’s not really going to cause anyone’s death, but I’m with you OP, he should have risked the bad luck himself, instead of you. I would be annoyed too.

Yes he lied but it was only over pyjamas not something like an affair.
Swearing on your life is just words/an expression
He also didn’t swear on your life, he swore on your bed 🤨

Blimey there are some low standards on this thread - as well as some people who are (possibly deliberately) putting the boot in to the OP for having standards.
OP, I'm with you. Last minute-present: not an issue particularly, although the lack of thought would be a bit hurtful but not a deal-breaker.
You didn't actively search out the receipt to catch him out, so all those picking on you for that should pipe down.
But yes, it's the outright (and unnecessary) lie that would anger/upset me. I hate lying with a passion; I never lie myself (beyond the odd white lie, possibly) and in 30+ years of marriage, I have never seen/witnessed dh do it either.
But, for the record, as a general rule in life, anyone who swears on someone else's life is invariably lying. Have seen it play out countless times over the years

I honestly have far more important things to worry about than some meaningless words and a little white lie.

Honestly op, if you are going to get this het up about something so relatively minor, then god help you when your marriage hits a big bump.

How have you managed to be with two men who "swear on you deathbed"? Swearing on someone's life is something I haven't heard since school. Is it something you ask people to do?

Lying is a terrible trigger for me too, even white lies, but I wouldn't ever be asking someone about the date they purchsed my prpresent. You set the lie up and he told you what you wanted to hear.

Only apparently when and where your anniversary present was bought isn’t a stupid little thing to you.

MN is a chat website, it's not solely for your biggest problem.

You are being rude. No ones forcing you to be on MN or open threads.

behave

@ILoveHolidaysAbroad

We'd be having words about him lying, well I suppose I'd be having words, lots of them. But they'd have been had long before now, long before he became DH.

tell me the truth I'll take it on the chin, lie to me & this is going nowhere.

nipping to Asda to buy random stuff doesn't exactly scream 'happy wedding anniversary' does it?

id rather just have a nice card, but i don't suppose he excels at that either.

This.

Does it really matter?