Petty issue now a big issue, because he swore on my deathbed

I'd rather nothing than unsuitable stuff cobbled together on the day.

Presumably he lied because he wanted to look more thoughtful than he really was?

Seems so pointless as I'm not sure a pair of pjs bought a week in advance when you've just bought yourself a couple of pairs is any great shakes anyway!

It's not what the lie was about. It's not even the lie, it's surely the absolute doubling down of "I swear on your life".

Assuming you didn't prompt that OP ("do you swear on my life?") then it's absolutely weird as fuck to swear on someone's life over something so trivial- so what are you meant to think when it's actually something serious?!

I absolutely get what you mean OP, I would feel extremely uncomfortable about that!

So why do you not see this (or the milk) as a white lie that's fine?

I can't see this as being much more than a white lie, though. You were making a fuss about something that didn't actually matter in the slightest. He told you a white lie to keep you happy and avoid a pointless argument about a complete non-issue.

It's hardly as if he lied to you about something important.

Of course, it would have been better if he had told the truth and called you out on your poor behaviour, but being honest, how would you have responded to that in reality? Can you really not see why he lied?

I'm with you OP. I can't stand adults who lie (SIL I'm looking at you!), it makes me question everything they say. Couldn't be with someone who lied.

I was once told in an annual performance review, when discussing room for improvement, that I was "too honest". I mean, htf was I supposed to improve on being too honest?🙄

Who swears on someone's deathbed unless your in primary school
Its very childish behaviour, but you are right to be pissed off that he lied.id have to confront him

In my experience people who “swear on - “ their DM’s grave, their dc’s lives, (their partners deathbed is a new one) are always liars.

Normal responses are along the lines of “no really, I did”.

I completely agree with you, OP. Small little lies eat away at the foundation of a relationship. It would drive me mad and make me doubt everything.

I lie every time someone shows me their newly done nails.
I think they look horrible as standard but I say, "Ooh lovely!" to appease them.
Same with crap tattoos.

Okay, and how do you respond when told the truth? Because in relationships where telling the truth immediately ends any conflict and you're able to move forward you rarely see those involved continuing to lie.

On the other hand in relationships where the person who's on the anti-lying crusade then piles in with 'OH MY GOD HOW COULD YOU AND WHY DID YOU AND WHY ME' type reactions yes, those who have to live with them probably will continue to lie because they've worked out that the thing the 'anti-lying' individual is actually most invested in is in deriving the most drama possible from any given situation and what's useful about becoming obsessed with lying is that it's socially frowned upon and therefore it's hard for anyone to call them out on their extreme reaction to it.

Does he lie often? About trivia too?

@ILoveHolidaysAbroad do you feel as though he chose (hypothetically speaking of course!) to let you die as opposed to admit that he lied? Or does lying and not caring is what bohers you here, i.e. you would have felt the same if he just lied (without swearing on your life/deathbed as you put it)?

How many times are you asking him? Let it be his problem

You probably do. Haven't you ever told someone they look great in an outfit when you really think they look crap?
This all seems a big drama over very little. Move on..

I’d be disappointed that the stuff was from Asda to be honest. It smacks of just rushing round grabbing anything. The lying adds another layer

Agree. He was trying to placate OP.

If he’d truthfully said he forgot the date, or thought it was stupid to make a big fuss, she would have stropped about that, too.

He was in a no-win situation.

The “swearing” stuff is silly and juvenile, though.

He probably lied because he didn’t want a big argument

I can see where you're coming from. I hate lies, big or small. Like you say, it creates an issue with uncertainty and trust.

However, LOADS of people are habitual liars. They'll say any old shit to get themselves out of a tight spot.
Swearing on someone's 'deathbed' is basic and nonsensical. It holds no weight. I don't think it makes a lie worse in any significant way...it's just stupid.

He lied because he wanted to appear/feel/do better than he had. You told him off for being last-minutey and he deflected with childish drivel.
It's pathetic...but remember, also very common. How you feel abpout that is up to you.

I would imagine your husband would consider this a white lie. He is sparing your feelings, because you might be hurt to think he hadn't thought of you earlier, whereas more likely he's just a typical adult with a lot on his plate who lost track of time and had to do some last minute shopping.

What's all this swearing on peoples life stuff? Madness. I opened the thread imagining you dying your partner telling you to Fuck off and you had a magical recovery and wanted to leave him

Sometimes there is truth in it. Are you prone to overreactions and lectures?

I would say it was a white lie . You have made a point in saying that you bought his present in advance, that's he'd cobbled stuff together and that you already had two new sets of pyjamas , so he knew you'd be upset/annoyed with him.

But how would you react to the truth?

@ILoveHolidaysAbroad rule of thumb: Anyone who swear on anyones deathbed, or life, or anything important is a liar.

Honestly, I completely see where you are coming from. There's never any needs for lies like this and it makes you wonder just what else that person is dishonest about - the wondering 'is this also a lie' is exhausting. I couldn't do it tbh.