Petty issue now a big issue, because he swore on my deathbed

It's just indicative that he's willing to be deceitful for no reason.

He shouldn't have lied but you should not have interrogated him about when he bought it. And to me it's a white lie.

I would never question my partner about the date they bought something, and wouldn't look at the date on the receipt. So none of this would have happened and I wouldn't be mulling over how much 'that lie' mattered.

I”ve realised that people really do have different ideas about what it means to lie. It’s weird to me, I prize honesty. But if you can get your head around him honestly thinking it’s kinder to have you believe he was more prepared than he was, it kind of makes sense. I don’t like it and I’m afraid you probably have to come to terms with him not being trustworthy; but hopefully he’ll only lie on occasions when it saves your feelings..!

Don't lower your expectations because other people, often those who frequently lie or who put up with shit men, are ok with lying to their partners. It erodes trust in a relationship. If people lie about the little things how can you trust them about the big things?

Never ever ever? Never told a child or other person ‘wow! That looks great! Tastes so nice!’ ?

Yes, it would bother me a huge amount if my partner lied to me. I don't like or trust liars.

It's usually used by primary school children. It's certainly not a measure of sincerity.

Do proper grown ups really get each other to swear on my life? That's primary school behaviour surely.

I totally understand what you’re saying, op. It’s given you a horrible feeling that you can’t trust him. I’ve been there and the truth is he probably doesn’t place as much importance on not lying as you do. It doesn’t make him a bad person. Just different to you.

I’d have no problem telling you whatever you wanted to hear OP, swearing on your deathbed, whatever helps. You sound like an absolute nightmare to live with and this level of drama over petty nonsense is insane. Poor guy.

Not just good. Vital.

Why were you so annoyed about when he bought your gift that he felt the need to lie? Id be annoyed at the lie buy id never have pushed someone on when they bought a gift. Why does it matter? He was probably trying to avoid unnecessary drama.

Exactly.

Then split up. If it’s a red line for you, end the relationship.
Don't create half-arsed drama about it though. It’s either a dealbreaker or it’s not.

No, lying is not good. I think you brought that on yourself. Instead of thanking him for the gifts, you interrogated him because he didn't plan ahead. You were obviously going on at him about buying last-minute, and when cornered, he lied to stop you chastising him and making him feel it wasn't good enough.

Next time, say thank you and let the rest go. If you had just been grateful, he wouldn't have felt he needed to lie about such an insignificant detail. You really should apologize for the way you acted, which might prompt an apology from him.

This is how it should have gone:
He gave you a gift. You said thank you.
Simple, isn't it?

Totally get you OP!
I’m surprised so many posters are ok if their partner hasn’t bothered to put any effort in to buying something thoughtful in advance. Thoughtless and uncaring.
Do you put effort in for his birthday?
Of course you had an expectation of a lovely gift that you receive early on the day and not something quickly picked up from Asda and not actually something you want anyway.
He’s compounded the thoughtlessness by lying about when he bought them.
So not just a lie, he swore on your life and you’ve caught him by finding the receipt.
I would be annoyed too and would have called him out on such a pointless lie.

The lying would annoy me too @ILoveHolidaysAbroad . Perhaps lay the receipt out and ask him if he thinks the date was wrong on the till? 🤔😵‍💫

I'm not sure why you have had a hard time on here OP. It's a horrible expression, usually used by the most prolific bullshitters and if DH used it it would give me the ick.

Birthdays happen once a year, he has had enough notice, there was no need for him to cobble a bunch of last minute random tat from the supermarket.

I agree that swearing on someone's life is not actually altering the course of that person's life- but it's typically used to demonstrate the seriousness of your conviction. Ie there is no greater way to express your sincerity.

So what does OP do when he has something serious to be potentially lying about? What can he possibly say to be believed when he lies about childish things in a childish way

Well if he wasn't superstitious and it meant nothing to him, he should surely have sworn on his own life, not yours?

Of course I wouldn’t like being lied to over anything substantive. I’ve read the rest of your posts so understand your concerns, and to be honest your DP sounds like a bit of a prick.

But, asking for people to swear on your, your DC’s lives etc is both pointless, and means nothing. Unless you’re literally in a life ending situation with a gun at your head it can’t be anything other than words.

Ditch the drama, and look at what’s real and important, which is you felt you had to check on when he bought a gift, after needing him to swear on your life about something not that important. Maybe there’s other stuff about your relationship you need to look at?

I completely agree with you @ILoveHolidaysAbroad - my ex-husband would swear things on my life and the kids lives that were lies, it just really hammered home how little of a fuck he actually gave about us.

Yes the universe might not care about something being sworn on your life, but I could never live with swearing a lie on someones lives and then they got in a crash or something and didn't come home.

If my husband ever lied to me, that would cross a deal breaker line for me, and if he lied while promising on my life, we wouldn't be coming back from that - I'm not living like that again and in a relationship were I feel like I don't matter in the slightest.

Swearing on someone's life doesn't mean anything whether it's a trivial matter or serious one. It's a meaningless statement.

swearing on his life? Are you both 12? Asking someone to swear on their lives is immature and ultimately pointless, as you have seen it is easy to say and is meaningless. You are putting childish boundaries on an adult relationship and he is reacting in a childish way. You ask how do you trust what he tells you - you need to be clear around your expectations and set boundaries. You also need to be realistic. Setting a timescale in which someone should buy you presents is not realistic and he will fail. Instead, say birthdays and present giving is important to me, and therefore I would like you to put thought into it. Here are some examples: XXX. I do think he has let you down, but saying it clearly and calmly ; you have disappointed me with the presents as it feels like I am not important to you, is the best way of doing it. And then if he continually doesnt adhere to your boundaries you have a decision to make.

He probably lied because he didn’t want a big argument

This - I think OP was gunning for an argument.

I find being lied to triggering so do get that part.

However from Op behavior she wanted an argument but doesn't want to be crytal clear why she upset with him - she's upset because she feel he didn't put enough effort in - which TBH she has a point about.

However instead of saying that she picked a fight about when it was bought and then force him to lie or have an argument then when he's avoided one argument with her she now found the recipt proved a white lie and can now be upset all over again.

It would be a lot more straight forward if she just said I'm disppointed with presents and a bit upset about them instead of lying to him about why she upset - first when presents were bought - now that he lied to avoid an argument.