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Original poster

Petty issue now a big issue, because he swore on my deathbed

262 replies

ILoveHolidaysAbroad · 07/11/2025 13:06

We had an anniversary recently. I bought my gift for him well in advance. He went to Asda on the day and clobbered together a gift bag of stuff. All nice enough, but I did mention it was a bit late in the day. One of the gifts was pyjamas. He swore they'd been in his boot for a week. I raised and eyebrow and he swore on my deathbed. Well, today I have found the receipt in the bottom of a bag and he was lying, he did buy them on the day. I now care more about the lying than the fact he bought stuff on the day. Would this bother anyone else?

OP posts:
understandyourdilemma · 07/11/2025 15:29

@ILoveHolidaysAbroad I am 100% with you.

It is not about the presents, or the thoughtlessness. He lied. And he deepened that lie by swearing on your life.

Trust and lying cannot sit comfortably together. So therefore how can you trust him on anything?

Where do you want to go with this?

If it were me, I'd have a calm sit down with him (and with the receipt) and ask why he did it, why he felt the need to lie, why he couldn't be honest. Of course he will hop around his answers: "I didn't want to disappoint you"; "I thought you'd be angry"; "You're always like this about presents"...

The only reasonable response is: "I felt ashamed that I'd forgotten/not made the effort". This is him owning HIS feelings.

Either way, I think this IS one of the situations when couples counselling can be really effective. Take this situation to counselling. Is it a symptom of something bigger [heck, maybe you are always like this about presents]? It might be scary because you don't know what you'll unearth, but that's got to be better than you living with the feeling that you can't trust him, or him feeling that whatever he says is not going to be right.

user1473878824 · 07/11/2025 15:27

elviswhorley · 07/11/2025 15:26

Okay. I've never heard this. It's all very, very silly.

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No... I... that's what I was taking the piss out of it... it's not a thing and I was just making a joke about what it would be.

elviswhorley · 07/11/2025 15:26

user1473878824 · 07/11/2025 15:24

...I'm joking because if someone is swearing on your deathbed you are about to die so you're not going to find out if they'd lied.

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Okay. I've never heard this. It's all very, very silly.

Dinoswearunderpants · 07/11/2025 15:26

The way I see it, your husbands a liar. Regardless how big the lie is.

I'd be annoyed with the 'swear on my life' bit too. We have a rule that you don't lie if you 'swear on it'.

However, I feel like there might be bigger issues at play here.

user1473878824 · 07/11/2025 15:24

elviswhorley · 07/11/2025 15:24

None the wiser.

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...I'm joking because if someone is swearing on your deathbed you are about to die so you're not going to find out if they'd lied.

elviswhorley · 07/11/2025 15:24

user1473878824 · 07/11/2025 15:15

Making sure no one has the time to find out your lie.

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None the wiser.

PersephoneParlormaid · 07/11/2025 15:23

I get it, if he can lie so easily, what else is he lying about. You’ll never trust him again.

JamesClyman · 07/11/2025 15:22

ILoveHolidaysAbroad · 07/11/2025 13:14

So you would all be ok with your DH swearing on your life when it was a lie?

I just would never do that!

No prob with that here. It's just a ridiculous form of words. Means nothing.

luckylavender · 07/11/2025 15:20

ILoveHolidaysAbroad · 07/11/2025 13:14

So you would all be ok with your DH swearing on your life when it was a lie?

I just would never do that!

Depends if you backed him into a corner.

Velvian · 07/11/2025 15:16

I'd leave anyone that swore on anyone's life whether or not it was true. 🤮

ThatCyanCat · 07/11/2025 15:16

I don't swear on anyone's life anyway, no matter what, but yeah, I don't think you're wrong, OP. Who the fuck does that, aren't you supposed to swear on your own life or the grave of someone else?

I remember a comedy scene once where a woman told her husband to swear on his life if he was telling the truth and he said, "No, tell you what, I'll swear on your life." Laughter ensued, people understood the problem!

user1473878824 · 07/11/2025 15:15

elviswhorley · 07/11/2025 15:15

That's 'swearing on your life'

What's swearing on your deathbed?

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Making sure no one has the time to find out your lie.

elviswhorley · 07/11/2025 15:15

user1473878824 · 07/11/2025 15:05

Okay but you realise you not, in fact, going to drop dead?

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That's 'swearing on your life'

What's swearing on your deathbed?

elviswhorley · 07/11/2025 15:13

So what's gonna happen now on your deathbed?

Cynic17 · 07/11/2025 15:10

Oh come on, we all tell little white lies..... they make the world go round.
Find something important to think about, OP, and give your poor husband a break.

WellYouWereMythTaken · 07/11/2025 15:09

He swore on YOUR life? That’s a bit… wrong isn’t it? He’s meant to swear on his life. Or the life of his knob or something. Not on the person he’s lying to. Cheek.

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/11/2025 15:07

localbutterfly · 07/11/2025 13:13

He shouldn't have lied, you shouldn't have been interrogating him over a gift - you got pajamas, ON your birthday - what did it matter what day he bought them? (If you thought pajamas were a crap gift, tell him what you really want next time.) His swearing on YOUR death bed is weird and a little creepy.

It wasn't even her birthday - it was "an anniversary".

KitchenTrollyDolly · 07/11/2025 15:07

I'd be really pissed about the lying and swearing on your deathbed but why the hell did you even question when he bought them?

Honestly, if you weren't so weird about gift buying timescales he probably wouldn't have felt the need to lie.

user1473878824 · 07/11/2025 15:05

ILoveHolidaysAbroad · 07/11/2025 13:14

So you would all be ok with your DH swearing on your life when it was a lie?

I just would never do that!

Okay but you realise you not, in fact, going to drop dead?

KeepAwayFromChildren · 07/11/2025 15:00

ILoveHolidaysAbroad · 07/11/2025 14:08

White lies are fine. I get that, I really do.

I get it. The lying and lack of effort would really piss me off.

How does the future look ?

DuesToTheDirt · 07/11/2025 15:00

ILoveHolidaysAbroad · 07/11/2025 13:14

So you would all be ok with your DH swearing on your life when it was a lie?

I just would never do that!

I wouldn't be ok with my DH swearing on my life, even if it wasn't a lie. It's pretty unpleasant I think.

WinterPalace · 07/11/2025 14:58

zeebra · 07/11/2025 13:15

I wish this was my greatest problem OP.

You've posted about it on MN just as OP has!

Neveranynamesleft · 07/11/2025 14:54

Tell him he's a dick, tell him you know he's lied as you found the receipt and tell him to buy you a nice takeaway and bottle of wine to make up for it. Then move on and find more important things to worry about.

Left · 07/11/2025 14:53

I feel like there’s a couple of issues here.

”I swear on your life” - agree with the poster who said this would cause the ick.

Trust being eroded over time - seems like he habitually lies. This is frustrating in a relationship as you just don’t know when you can believe them.

Lack of care - he didn’t plan or put thought into a birthday gift. Instead he just grabbed random things in the supermarket.

How’s the relationship apart from this? Does he pull his weight with chores and finances, do you feel loved and supported? Etc

DingDongJingle · 07/11/2025 14:48

I wouldn’t swear on anyone’s life in the first place as it’s the behaviour of a 9 year old, and if my husband swore on my life I’d tell him to stop behaving like a 9 year old.