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Original poster

To throw adopted DS out?

133 replies

Aimen0 · 07/11/2025 10:41

DS was officially adopted when he was 1, he always knew he was adopted but he had a good childhood and he was happy. His behaviour wasn't always perfect (he got detentions in school etc) but no child is perfect all the time!

He's now 17, 18 in march and he's barely home, very into drugs and when he is home he's unpleasant to be around. He shouts at the dog, gets in my face and has hit his DH. He was accused of spiking a girls drink with pills (it wasn't reported and he denies this, but I don't know what to believe).

We don't know what to do anymore, DH also works away so it's just me most of the time. The friends he had from school etc have distanced themselves so it's just friends that are into drugs.

I'm at my wits’ end and so worried about him. I don't know if I actually would go through with throwing him out but I don't know what to do

OP posts:
theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 07/11/2025 10:51

Could you ask the police to pop round and have a word with him - I know they used to do this so apologies if they don't anymore

Oldhole · 07/11/2025 10:51

I think if the OP had said “do I throw my 18 year old son out” people would be saying yes.

PixieandMe · 07/11/2025 10:50

I couldn't do that personally; I couldn't live with the thought of my child being homeless on a cold street, begging somewhere. I see it often where I live and it breaks my heart.

If he is into drugs, I feel that nothing you say will help the situation at the moment. All you can do is keep the door open for him so he has a warm home to come to and engage very minimally. Tell him that you are worried about him and leave it at that. There is some very good advise on https://talktofrank.com/get-help/concerned-about-a-child

In your position, if I could afford to book a holiday, adventure or a trip away with him, I would do that. He would probably say no but I would offer. Just to get him away from the friends for a couple of weeks and maybe inspire him by new surroundings.

Concerned about a child? | FRANK

Practical advice for parents and carers on how to talk to your child about drugs. Know the facts, understand the issues and start talking. | FRANK

https://talktofrank.com/get-help/concerned-about-a-child

user1492809438 · 07/11/2025 10:49

Interesting you need to say he was adopted, does that mean you don't see him as your child? You could simply have asked 'should I throw my son out' for those behaviours, unless you believe that being adopted is linked or relevant to the behaviour?

NearlyDec · 07/11/2025 10:47

Does you and he have post adoption support?

Did he have any support for his attatchment issues and did you adapt your parenting to make it appropriate for an adopted child?

Wowzel · 07/11/2025 10:46

Regardless of whether he is adopted or not, he's your son - you brought him up.

If you want to consider asking him to leave then do, but he's no less your son because of his adoption.

BilboBogginsAndHisNoggins · 07/11/2025 10:45

Would you if he hadn’t been adopted?

WhiteBlankets · 07/11/2025 10:44

Is post-adoption support still accessible at his age? Why is throwing him out the next step? Is he working or in education?