Why do some partners stay all day?

Going to the toilet, especially a poo, is embarrassing behind a curtain no matter who is there. If you’re all patients and “in it together” then you are empathetic as you know you all do what you have to do. I do think it makes a difference with visitors because there’s so little space they are practically next to your own bed. And… I don’t really know how to explain it, but because they don’t have to wee or poo behind a curtain there is no camaraderie with a visitor

If you all are determined to have your partners on wards with vulnerable women at least get them to behave with decency.

I have a degree of sympathy in that basically hospitals aren't staffed to provide "care" to patients any more, beyond medical treatment like changing dressings, giving medication, checking blood pressure/oxygen saturation levels.

So a patient who doesn't have a family carer on hand to help with things like toileting, dressing, brushing hair, eating/drinking, could have really quite a shit time of it. Some patients can manage if course, others can't and you hear horror stories in some busy hospitals of older people wetting themselves or being put in incontinence pants because there's not enough staff to take them to the loo timely & they need help.

Look up the case of the unsolved murder/sexual assault on a stroke patient at Blackpool Hospital and the ongoing inquory and dismissals of deviant staff at that hospital.

I shall not be leaving any family member unattended in a hospital moving forward.

Yanbu, I had an operation in 2020, so all the curtains had to be open due to covid.

When I came round there was a woman across from me with her partner there for his 1 hour visiting slot, and I had my breast hanging out. I was embarrassed, alone, vulnerable, and then when I told the nurse I was shouted at for complaining to her when they were working through covid.

About 20 years ago I was in a mixed sex ward and the guy across from me came and pulled my covers off me, I was terrified.

Privacy and dignity are an afterthought in the NHS ime.

Ah OP I empathise, I remember when I was a young mum in hospital on a ward of 4, I felt so vulnerable, in pain, was trying to breastfeed which was making me physically sick due to after pains and the woman opposite me had her husband there. I’m not sure why as it was quite early in the morning and my husband was ordered away once I transferred. It was just awful, ended up having a home birth for my second purely due to the experience after giving birth.

That doesn't mean he has to be there all day and not be respectful to others though. It's not just your ward.

I am seriously physically disabled.

i’ve had a number of surgeries.
if my ExH had not been there to help I wouldn’t have been fed, I needed his help to
toilet etc as well.

wards aren’t staffed well enough to actually care for people. It’s standard with disabled people that you need family or carers in with you or
yoi’ll be left unfed and in pain.

obviously it should be better and family shouldn’t be needed.

Totally agree.

This was my thought as a HCP. Although not pleasant it has been shown that early mobilisation aids recovery and avoids other risks . So although I would feel the same as you, he inadvertently did you a favour!

No you're not being oversensitive and someone else being fine with it is completely irrelevant to how you feel.

It also made it very noisy despite earplugs when I just wanted to sleep. I was recently in for a few weeks and the ward were strict on visiting times thank goodness as it made me uncomfortable when there were lots of people there esp men. I had to use commode and have new stoma changed plus for first week couldn’t wear knickers so was v conscious of accidentally flashing people once my brain started working again. So in my view YANBU.

You're asking why someone else's needs should matter more than yours, yet you seem to think you matter more. Men shouldn't be sitting all day on a women's ward/section. I'd be inclined to ask nursing staff when he was leaving, repeatedly.

YANBU. Even on the maternity ward visitors were very irritating. And the visitors were mostly men (snoring, talking loudly, phone noise)

Totally agree. Kinda makes a mockery of 'single-sex wards' if the male visitors are there all day, surely?

Because they can and they want too, and its not up to you.

Well if they went home, that probably answers why he stayed. They were likely told they would be discharged at some point and didn’t want to drive back and forth.

YABVU. It is not up to you to decide what is necessary for another patient based only on what you can see.

Your problem is that the hospital staffing and facilities are t good enough, not that someone else has someone with them to care and keep them company.

If a visitor decides to be there all day, then they will witness/hear/smell everything that happens in that ward.

Why should you feel uncomfortable and embarrassed about using the commode? You should not have any discomfort. The priority is you getting better and not that a visitor hears/smells you having a poo.

Stop caring about the visitors - they chose to be there and so they can smell your poo! The priority is YOU, not some random visitor.

My husband has had many long stints in hospital and been incredibly unwell. Unfortunately due to the state of the NHS on some of the occasions if I had left he would have been left in horrific pain, surrounded by bowls of sick, unable to get to the toilet. I needed to be there to support for him and advocate for him and escalate issues when he couldn't do this for himself.

You have no privacy in hospital that's just the way it is, but hopefully you'll have a short term stay and be home soon to recover in comfort. Get well soon.

I think since covid we've made a right cock up of nursing care.

Female wards were just that and open visting is encouraged . Personally I hate dirty language and I've had to listen to it full on from others. It's seems the norm.

We use to have the WRVS in our local hospital and that has stopped. Can we not have anything for our own dignity?

Fwiw I am married to a lovely man but he knows when to bog off.

YABVU. It's a lot further away with a locked door. Don't be ridiculous.

This would be a nightmare to actually enforce though. Where's the line between being ill enough to have visitors all day vs just visiting hours? Who decides that? Plus there are people with other issues, eg someone with anxiety disorder staying for an unrelated reason and having someone with them helps with their anxiety. Would there be an appeals process for them, or would they have to suffer without help? And it's not a nurse's job to police these things but that's what they'd have to do and they're busy enough

Everyone's needs are different to be honest I would have used the commode anyway maybe had some background noise on like TV noise on phone or something

Because sometimes they're not ambulatory and there are not enough staff to provide the level of care required?