Why do some partners stay all day?

My DD is 20. This is her first time in hospital atm. She is in pain, scared and battling an infection she was discharged with,returned to hospital with and has had to have a large amount of skin removed because of.
If her BF being with her makes someone else uncomfortable, sorry, but I don't care!

She is facing skin grafts, scared she may lose her leg,needs all the comfort she can get.

Woman up and use the commode.... or not..... you're not the only person who's comfort matters.

Sounds like you aren’t living in the real world, wards are understaffed and visitors and unpaid student nurses have to bridge the gap. Even if you used the toilet cubicle you can hear what everyone is doing so you should have just pulled the curtain round and got on with it.

I agree in a bay they should be asked to leave (unless they're accompanying someone with additional needs or has a neurological condition)- it's not nice for anyone including the person visiting.
i had a stay on an antenatal ward for 5 days whilst pregnant- luckily in a side room as they do the inductions there. I was ill and so tired I just wanted to sleep, personally I'm not massively social in general and the thought of someone being there and being made to talk for hours on end horrifies me.
im a nurse in a highly acute area and we have shortened visiting, they trialled longer but it wasn't great as people were staying the entire time and its hard to get stuff done. It's great in the sense as it helps boost morale for patients and they need some positivity and familiar faces (we do like to chat but it's so difficult when you've got a million things to do). However also these patients are working extremely hard to get better and they get SO tired, some have complained to me that their relatives stay too long, so I always say to patients if they need a bit of time tell me they need the loo or something I can kick them out, we have a chat and if they want me to get them to leave il explain when I let them back in suggesting that its time to say bye as I can see they're exhausted.
there's pros and cons to visiting hours definitely. Something like using a commode in a bay I'd defo be ready to move visitors out though if a patient was saying they weren't comfortable!

I see your dilemma and I agree that its a pain that visitors are there all day talking etc... BUT you are in a hospital where the staff and facilities are stretched to the max and privacy goes out the window. Perhaps loudly state that you need a number two and need the commode and that'll scare a few away.

This. If you'd pooped he might have gone home.

Yes bit you can hear more when there's just a curtain rather than a door!

Had same experience when recovering from a hernia op. Badly needed a commode but wouldnt consider using one with strange men just a few feet away. Visiting time should definitely be limited.

No. You weren't.

it used to be only 2 to a bed, visitors' rule, and some days were afternoon visiting, mainly weekends, and then about an hour. Then another visiting time in the evening, usually an hour.
To be honest, I don't find visitors very helpful; there's a lot of fuss and flap, but as for doing something useful, no. Also, there used to be a strict rule on the bed for a rest before visitors, which made sure everyone was rested before visitors arrived.
Obviously, if someone was dying, then they were usually moved to a side ward so relatives could visit and stay without disturbing anyone else

I used to help feed the other patients when I was in there with my mum.

That sounds like a terrible experience. But not typical of maternity wards these days?

Most mums are able to sit up in bed as soon as the spinal anaesthetic wears off post c-section. You can reach into bedside cot to lift baby, feed, change nappies. I was kept in Recovery for a couple of hours post section, where you're allowed to have your DH and there's a HCP providing 1-1 support and monitoring. As soon as you're stable and can move legs properly, they take you to the ward. DH was allowed to bring my stuff, but they stopped him outside the bay as it was past visiting hours when I was transferred. He gave the bags to the nurse and returned next day at 4pm. By then I was mobile, able to shuffle around bed and to the toilet outside bay. Women who had just had c-sections were all in the 2 bays closest to nursing station, so maybe that's why they were well-staffed? Staff sort of hovered as soon as babies cried and asked if we needed help, rather than did it for us. Having the catheter and IV out 6 hours after surgery was rough, as was standing up and walking. But you're all in the same boat and it's far less embarrassing when you're not being watched by visitors.

I really liked the 4-6pm visiting hours! Stops you getting too dependent on partner for physical/emotional support. I missed my family but also had lots of time to bond with baby.

Some women go home the day after a c-section. I imagine some are on their own, looking after several kids!

If a woman was sedated I guess they would be in a side room, so the partner could stay overnight. All the women around me were up and about the same day or day after surgery. They only offered tiny amounts of oramorph for pain, in case it gets into breast milk! And only for 24 hours.

It was an NHS hospital, in Sussex. Fairly typical of other hospitals in the area.

Until covid our local hospital had The Womens Royal Voluntary Service. This was everything from selling newspapers to fetching water.
I've said up thread I don't like visitors on the ward all day. I'm a confident person married to an ex clinician. If I'm in hospital I expect a good standard of care and I'm vocal if I don't get it.
I understand some women are not as self assured and feel they're a pain for asking for care but they really shouldn't.

I had a major gynecological surgery earlier this year and in all fairness the men on the ward didn't arrive until after lunch. I was washed by then and decent.
I didn't like the sweary visitor next door and another lady complained. Saved me a job!
Our local hospital is thought a bit lacking but I don't agree. The ED. is awful but we have plenty of matrons. Ask to see one if you need help.
I'm back in next week and my DH will stay an hour a night then bog off. I go home when I'm ready and my black humour allows me to say if they kill me off they tried.

I’m glad you had a good experience of being cared for, but the thing is, you never know if that will be the case. I’ve stayed in an NHS hospital twice, once after having my first child and once for an operation. Both times I couldn’t walk, yet I wasn’t brought food. Both times I was told it was a short walk away down a corridor and when I said I couldn’t walk, they tutted/huffed, said they’d bring me something when they had time, but never did. After my birth I didn’t get water or pain medication and antibiotics when I was due . I had to keep asking as they weren’t brought on time and I was made to feel like I was the problem. When I asked, I often got pissed off faces and huffing, like I was asking for too much.

I chose to have my second baby in a private hospital as I couldn’t face going through that again and having no help.

If I ever have to stay in an NHS hospital again and my partner can stay, then he will stay, because I’m never going to leave it to chance whether I get what I need if I can help it.

Wouldn't it be amazing if we could create some flexible hours, maybe short four hour shifts, of staff who are not medically trained but simply there to fetch water or toast, plump a pillow, lend an arm for stability, run a cloth over surfaces, keep people company, fetch and carry generally, look after new mums. Would be perfect for those who find full time demands too much or who currently can't access work. Would free up nurses for the more complex caring needs, provide much needed support and get people into work.

You are lucky because my experience and all my friends experience were completely different, as recently as last year. So much staff available, was it private? NHS hospitals in my area are NOT that way.

one visitor 4-6pm only what prison was that! Number and age are fine, but times are insane.

No staff, no one to help mums to get dressed! , nurses had better things to do. No nurse available to even help a mum make it to the shower! Partner had to help.

Women arriving on the ward, with partner carrying everything at any time of day or night - understandably, babies don't arrive on a schedule. Thankfully partners could at least go with and help them settle a bit even in the middle of the night, even if not really allowed to stay, but people are human.

No nurse around for breakfast or any other meal, visitor hour or not.

Mothers desperate to walk and get the hell out of there anyway, but had to wait for visitors to help getting out of bed and make sure they didn't fall.

Mothers had to wait for visitor to bring baby in and ouf of the cot when they were too weak or too sedated to get up and pick up baby.

No partner means no-one to pick up a baby who was left to cry and woke up the whole ward, and repeat...

No blame on nurses or midwives, there's no staff, what are they supposed to do? They run around as it is

No help on other wards either, but it's less of an issue when there's no baby to look after.

No chance for privacy or dignity when you are not in a private room anyway!

yes, let's leave these women who just had extensive surgery to deal with a baby without any help, wonderful idea

I had a c-section 3 years ago. The maternity ward still had strict visitor rules (they claimed this was infection control but I suspect it was also for everyone's comfort and safety). And so staff can help women bond with babies and get back to independence quickly.

Each patient was allowed to have one visitor 4-6pm only (the same person and no under 18s fortunately). Visitors were firmly told to leave at 6pm. The only exceptions were the private rooms (4 rooms per ward) which were reserved for very unwell ladies or those whose babies were in special care unit. Even they could only have 1 visitor.

I was there for 10 days due to complications of surgery and baby taking time to gain weight. Yes I missed DH and our older child at times, but compared to the chaos of the ward I went to after DC1 was born (where visitors could stay all day and kids were playing hide and seek with the curtains) it was bliss.

No visitors until 4pm meant the nurses could focus on routines, including getting everyone who could walk, up for breakfast! Day 1 after surgery I found this tough, but mobilising is crucial. It also protected the mothers' dignity a bit, as we were all holding onto the walls, in our nighties/gowns. Nurses made sure everyone was properly dressed by visiting time. We were encouraged to do as much as we could independently, from feeding/changing babies to walking from bed to dining area. There were plenty of staff to help (maternity support workers, HCAs). I guess they could work more easily, rather than tending to visitors all day.

I wonder if this applies to general wards too? The aim of hospital is to get people up and moving, back to daily routines. Visitors helping with everything can delay recovery (accidentally) as the patient has everything done for them. Obviously not applicable if they genuinely NEED help with feeding, mobility etc. But when visitors help a person who is normally independent, there's a risk they get de-skilled and lack confidence or motivation to do things without help?

Why couldn’t the nurse wheel you over to the toilet on the commode instead of you struggling with a frame? I know I would prefer to go over to the toilet if I was capable even if there were not visitors there.

This!

Not over sensitive, but you could have just as likely needed to wee during visiting hours.

Maybe I've watched too many historical series, but wasn't there at some point other staff besides nurses and doctors in hospitals for exactly these additional tasks? For example sisters of a clerical order.

For tasks that don't require as much medical knowledge as nurses have and which are of the kind that people describe on here - help with eating, making sure that exhausted patients or people with dementia drink enough, practical help, making sure wards don't get too noisy, dealing with situations like dozens of visitors at once for one person which takes over the room, and similar. They can't replace the company by family members and friends, of course, but they would still help a lot with practical things.

This would also help alleviate inequality between patients, where the ones who have their family with them are in a better situation and have someone advocating, whereas those whose family lives too far away or is at work most hours and can't do the travel each evening are in a worse situation.

It's anxiety inducing when you feel you can't even get your legs out the bed because some strange bloke is there. Pull a curtain round? Why should you have to be cooped up all day because of endless visitors who overstay.

That’s exactly what I was thinking and was going to say.

Personally I am one of those patients who wants her DH with her as much as is humanly possible. The reason? Because I enjoy his company. If I want to sleep, he'll either sit quietly reading a book, or looking at his phone, or he'll go off and have a walk about for a while, but then when I'm awake, we'll chat quietly, and he's there to help me if necessary. I was in hospital once, in a room on my own, and in spite of using the emergency buzzer 3 times, and nurses putting their head around the door and saying 'we'll be with you in a minute', no one actually came to help me. In the end, my DH went out, and told them that if someone didn't come and see to me IMMEDIATELY he would be making an official complaint about their negligence. It did the trick, it was something he couldn't do for me, and had I been on my own, I'd have been laid there in my own mess for who knows how many hours.

Another time I was in a ladies ward with women of various ages, there was an elderly lady who didn't have any visitors, and so they gave her a bell to call for help. The bell went off so many times, I could happily have rammed it down her throat, and I got the impression the nursing staff would have liked to do the same thing. However, had she had a family member or friend there with her, she'd have been happier, well cared for, and wouldn't have bothered the other patients or the staff.

I've also experienced complete family's gathered around a bed, making so much noise that they were a real nuisance. Several patients complained to the nursing staff about the noise, but not one of them had the courage to tell them to be quiet or go home. So I've seen the various different scenarios, and personally, I think that one visitor all day is fine, but maybe visiting hours should be in place for families who want to visit as a group, and the number of people around the bed should be limited according to the amount of space available.

Probably because hospitals can be daunting places, people are anxious, so like to have some reassuring visits from their loved ones? Maybe... just a thought 🤔