Why do some partners stay all day?

I think the sex of the visitor does matter, particularly on a women's ward, where women are in a vulnerable state, often sleeping. No, not all men, but there is an inherent risk having men in a space designated for women. As a woman in my early 20s in hospital after surgery I remember feeling uncomfortable with male visitors staying for hours and hours, snoring in their chairs to boot. I understand people might need extra help, but perhaps consider the needs of all the people in the room, not just their own.

Back in the nineties I was in hospital for 12 days 7 on total bed rest. So had to use bed pans not allowed even a commode. So glad that they had proper visiting hours. We even had an hour after lunch when they drew the curtains and dimmed the lights for rest hour just before visiting.

It's shit. I'm sorry that happened to you.

That’s awful. If there’s one place you should be able to feel free from scrutiny, it’s hospital. Hope you’ve recovered well from your surgery.

I’m in my 50s and I still vividly remember my little sister being hospitalized multiple times for multiple weeks during the year when I was 5. There was a parent with her at all times without exception. Between juggling work and hospital shifts this meant I was left with an assortment of people, but my toddler sister was never left alone in the hospital.

no one ever questioned this. I’m guessing it is cultural as I am not in the uk. Family traveled. Neighbors and coworkers pitched in. Other adults covered the house because a parent always had to be at the hospital.

I had brain surgery in June and was also in a female bay. I couldn't walk to the toilet and so had to use the commode right next to somebody else's husband. Very undignified. It was summer and really hot on the ward so I wore short pyjamas and when I could walk to the toilet I had to walk past the bed of a woman who had several adult sons and I felt very uncomfortable at the looks I received and one time I knew they were talking about my pyjamas when I came back from the loo. I'm tall so I was showing a lot of leg but ffs I was ill, walking to the toilet was a real ordeal and the last thing I needed were some morons making comments on how much I was or wasn't wearing. I think visitors should absolutely be restricted and also phone calls should be on headphones only so at least you only have to hear half the conversation.

I’d feel the same op. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to not want a man the other side of the curtain. I couldn’t use a commode in that situation. I appreciate all people are different and some wouldn’t mind while others need a visitors support. I myself am autistic and really struggle to advocate for myself in medical settings so can see both sides to this. I don’t think there is a solution

Oh yeah, I remember my poor son waiting for surgery. He’d been really poorly and wasn’t able to eat for 2 months and was desperate for food having to listen to a mum in the cubicle next door talk about the delicious McDonald’s they were going to enjoy and then the smell hit him.

My son was starving hungry and beside himself.

I was recently in hospital for an abdominal surgery (thankfully only an overnight stay). In that time, I was given antibiotics and painkillers consistently late (by hours, not slightly late) but luckily could advocate for myself (yet still there were huge delays despite the fact I was in considerable pain and at risk of infection).

After that experience I would be worried about leaving my Mum for example after an op as she would be much easier to ignore than I was.

Some hospitals have a "quiet" lunch period when visitors have to leave for a couple of hours and other hcp staff are discouraged from coming to see patients.
Gives a chance for patients to eat their meals in peace and then have a nap (or a shit) afterwards before visitors return.
These rules are relaxed for children although it can be awful for a sick or pre-op child to have a party going on in the bay opposite with adults eating crisps and sweets and for palliative and end of life patients who hopefully should be in a side room.

Also, why some people really want to visit someone in the hospital? I mean, yes if you are there a long time, family or dying. But my mom was at a hospital (nothing seroous, just few days in observation) and suddenly her friends that barely visit the house wanted to visit her at the hospital.

Oh please @ThatKeenShaker
The OP said he was intrusive.

I don't want visitors banned I just think they should stick to structured times.

You may be lucky and have never been sexually assaulted, many have. The fear never leaves you. If you look at the general feeling on here and previous threads women's privacy and dignity is under constant threat.
Don't get me started on how many visitors use the patient loo because they're too arse lazy to walk down the corridor. (many times the nurses instruct the patients not to lock the door).

I'm off into hospital this coming week and it's my third op this year. Let's hope it's peaceful.

Sorry that absolutely sent me 🤣🤣🤣🤣 horse piss

He would have heard the nurse offering a commode.
would he? Last thing most normal people do when in hospital is trying to hear what's going on next bed.

He'd been there all day
lovely man, taking care and keeping company to his relative to help them feel better.

Of course visitors are important. Why don't you campaign for private rooms, as they exist in other countries, instead of making life on a communal ward even more miserable and difficult than it already is and banning visitors?

Children care might be different, but people were talking about safety and visitor ban - it's the same hospital. they don't have the communication skills to ask for help. toddler possibly, a 6 year old has - still needs his mum or dad.

The same way patients who need a visitor should have them

Exactly! I wonder what proportion of women genuinely feel as safe using a mixed sex toilet with cubicles (rather than a single toilet in a small cafe or a normal home) as a single sex toilet with cubicles...

It's interesting how the postets saying they "couldn't give a shit" about whether other women patients are uncomfortable are exclusively the posters who want a male partner with them on the ward.

None of the posters who feel uncomfortable or unsafe or unable to sleep or to ask questions of the medical staff with unknown men on the open ward have said they "couldn't give a shit" about other patients.

I had an emergency caesarean which resulted in serious blood loss, transfusions and drains meaning I couldn't get up, all following being in stop- start labour following induction in hospital for 36 hours, but couldn't sleep on the six bed postnatal bay because it was so busy with visitors, including a man who was sitting on a chair in my bed area but on the other side of the curtain, having pushed the chair so far back that he must have been completely surrounded by the curtain on his side.

With my first baby guests were sent home between 8pm and 8an and also asked to leave at mealtimes, which was much better in terms of sleeping and also once able to stagger to the toilet with the cot on wheels thing and a drip on a stand, in a nightdress, not having to queue until a man came out!

This post was started regarding adult care. The lady was too frail post surgery to use the loo. She was offered a commode that she declined due to an adult male being a curtain width from her bed.
She hobbled to the loo on a zimmer whist wearing a gaping hospital gown to protect her dignity. The man (and I'm not going to give him the courtesy of calling him a gentlemen) didn't step out of the female ward. He'd been there all day. He would have heard the nurse offering a commode.

Children's care is totally different as they don't have the communication skills to ask for help.
Hospitals are not there for entertainment. I get in and out ASAP and I want to rest as much as possible in between not listen to some Norbert next to my bed.

I am not happy using a commode in a communal ward next to anyone personally, couldn't care less if they are male or female, visitor or patients.

Why would anyone suddenly lose any wish for privacy and dignity just because next door is wearing a hospital gown instead of a pair of jeans, a patient as opposed to a visitor, is beyond me.

What you need is security, not banning visitors.

Try educating yourself, you may find it helpful. Patients presents as much of a risk, if not more, to hospital staff and other patients.

Banning all visitors because YOU don't want to stay with your own child is not the answer. Just don't visit if you don't like visitors, no one is making you.

Me neither! I remember staying in a military mess with shared ablutions and was unimpressed with the bloke who came into the trap next to me for his morning muck out...👃💩

You being an example of someone who is happy to use a mixed sex cubicle toilet!
Most women I suspect are not. Me included.

Try reading my post. You may find it helpful.

I note you don’t address the risk situation.

so you suggest parents are not allowed to be with their kids in hospital? Is that your suggestion?

Ban all visitors? really?

If you want to work in a hospital or volunteer in a hospital you have to be background checked. I’m trying to imagine the outcry if anyone proposed not doing these checks.

Apparently though, if you have a relative in hospital this gives you free and unsupervised access to patients in a vulnerable state and this is ok.

Every abuser and criminal has a family. You have no way of knowing if the bloke claiming free access to the ward due to his Aunty Jane is a saint or a danger.