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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not go for brunch?

33 replies

Nottodayplease2 · 07/11/2025 07:42

DH and I are newly married and we very very rarely argue. Last night we had an argument. It was very short lived and no one was wrong/right, more just a difference of opinion on emotional matters.

Things were resolved before we went to sleep but this morning but when we touched on it briefly, it came up again, with him reiterating his views from the previous night (albeit kindly, not angrily). The topic was quite specific hence not sharing here as it’s identifying (and not relevant to the post).

We’re supposed to have brunch with his parents today, something we do fairly often. Most weeks. We are both working this morning so we’ll meet at the restaurant and won’t get to chat before then.

I really don’t feel like going. It’s not to punish him in any way, I just feel a bit drained from the conversation and like I’m processing some of the things that were said. Not sure I much fancy having to shake it off and put a smiley face on.

That said, if we had something planned with my family and he cancelled last minute, particularly under these circumstances, i think I’d be pretty peeved!

AIBU to skip it? I’m genuinely not angry with him. Just feeling deflated and a bit tired from the disagreement and might benefit from spending those couple of hours wandering round the shops alone with my thoughts or something.

Is that horribly immature and self serving though?

OP posts:
pasturesgreen · 07/11/2025 07:53

Seems like a lot of navel-gazing over something quite minor. You’ve said yourself it was short-lived and more a difference of opinion than a major disagreement.

I’d say go to the brunch, get on with your day and you'll probably find the distraction will help leaving it all behind.

Wolfpa · 07/11/2025 07:52

You have said that you wouldn’t like it if he decided not to meet your family at the last minute. It isn’t fair for you to not go to brunch.

Smartiepants79 · 07/11/2025 07:51

If you’d be pissed off if he did something similar then you’ve answered you’re own question.
You risk turning a small disagreement into a much bigger one and prolonging bad feeling. Sort your head out after brunch.

helpfulperson · 07/11/2025 07:49

Do you need to agree? So is it something like where you are going on holiday where if you don't reach an agreement you can't proceed.

Or is his viewpoint something that concerns you for the relationship eg Women should be responsible for all housework.

Otherwise just move on and accept that sometimes you will have different views on things.

Icecreamisthebest · 07/11/2025 07:48

Could you go for half an hour and develop a headache and leave early??

Then if your mood improves and it is going ok you could stick around.

Id also be pretty peeved if I was your DH and also if I was his parents.

Go and plan something this afternoon that you can really look forward to that will get you feeling normal again.

It is going to really impact your marriage if this is your go to response after every disagreement. So finding another way to deal with it will be important for you

Enko · 07/11/2025 07:47

Its not your inlaws fault your argued. I assume you get on well with them if this is a regular thing.

You and dh may need a conversation about how you resolve disagreements going forward.

Pippa12 · 07/11/2025 07:46

I wouldn’t cancel, it will only prolong the bad feeling. If neither of you are right, and it’s simply a difference in opinion, leave it alone and go for brunch. All marriages have disagreements, try not to see it as a negative, more as your giving each other room to still have your own thoughts and opinions.

Blinkingmarvellous · 07/11/2025 07:45

Just go. Otherwise you may make the argument bigger than it needs to be.