To not go for brunch?

Sounds like you're sulking big time. Move on!

I think this attitude of "everything isn't perfect for me so fuck everyone else" is doing incredible damage to the fabric of society. Every great thing that ever existed was built by people who showed up and did their best for the greater good even if they were feeling a bit deflated or tired. That's what compromise is in a marraige. You had a disagreement with your partner, it sounds like it was respectful. If it was the other way around and he didn't bother to attend brunch with your parents you know that would hurt the three of you also. You can absolutely stand your ground in whatever dispute you are having with your partner, but you can actually do it with good humour and not sulking.

Listen to this op

Yep. Probably the most common time to snap at each other given the stress of logistics, timing, travel, stuff that has to be done first, maybe one of you doesn't really want to see people who are more connected to the other. And no time to calm down and make up before you have to go (or before the doorbell rings).

And yes, seeing other people usually means you both stop fixating on whatever minor thing seemed so important, you relax a bit, you get to talk to someone who isn't your partner and a couple of hours later you wonder what you were arguing over in the first place.

OP, if you've already made up there isn't really a good reason to bail at short notice, so it's good that you're going.

Totally agree - I’ve had his parents round for Xmas and to stay, 2 days after I found out about an old emotional affair from years before - life is full of these curveballs OP I’m afraid

If you wouldn’t like it done to you, then you don’t do it

definitely take some time for yourself after

Also-if marriage feels like hard work be very wary! It shouldn’t be.

But don’t let yourself just disregard “minor disagreements” It’s very easy for one of the couple to slip in to being the one who always compromises. Don’t let that happen.

Marriage is just exhausting- it’s bloody hard work but honestly, not moving forward over simple arguments is a slippery sulky slope.

Im glad your going, it’s the right thing to do, it will clear the air. Sometimes after we’ve had a squabble and had to put a face on (for kids, parents, friends…) we end up laughing after at how tedious it all was!

I totally get feeling that way. But the way it will look is not going to appear that you aren't annoyed and are just tired. Either you need to call him and explain or you need to turn up. I suspect I would find I had a nice time once I had gone but obviously you aren't me!

Well then don't be. You're not performing seal.

There will be times where you have an actual argument right before you’re meant to see someone.

You just have to put on a face and get through it. If anything, it may even ease the tension if you are forced into a situation of acting normally with each other.

I appreciate you see it like that … and I confess to often feeling that way too when we’ve had heated rows with partner or kids. It’s only after the fact that I realise that I was, on some, level sulking a bit. Or at the very least it was perceived by those around me as sulking - which has the same effect.

I really would go to the brunch, smile it out, but think about ways to de-escalate/diffuse rows a little sooner? It may mean reaching the ‘we’ll need to agree to disagree’ position earlier? I can be a bit of a dog with a bone, so learning to step back has literally taken decades for me to achieve so I know I am a bit of a hypocrite giving that advice!!

Perhaps going to brunch, relaxing, having a good time in good company is actually what you need. Be with family. Arguments, it's ok to agree to disagree on some things, this sounds like one of those.

This - tbh it sounds like you are having a major sulk, which is far from mature, is it?.

You need to develop a strategy to help you accept you may both have differences of opinions from time to time but, no matter how many times you say that this is not to ‘punish’ DH… you will be, and your PiLs will get caught in the cross-fire.

As you very rarely argue, it comes as a surprise when you do. It's obviously good that you don't argue, but learning how to deal with disagreements will be invaluable, as you will definitely encounter more along the way.

Sometimes they will be resolved in accordance with your views, sometimes not.

If it's not a hill to die on, and the resolution is reasonable, then move on.

Calling off arrangements with his family when you know you would be annoyed if he did it to you, isn't the way to go and will prolong the argument.

So go to brunch.

Sounds petty to cancel brunch. Obviously only you know what the disagreement was about but sounds a bit over the top to need a morning off to process and think it through. It also sounds manipulative and punitive. Sort of “well just so you know next time you opinion doesn’t align with mine expect consequences”

I'd go, as pp have said, it will turn a minor argument in to a bigger issue by not going. Hopefully after working this morning you wont feel so bad about things. Meet for your brunch, and then maybe think about talking to your dh again this afternoon/evening.

It does sound as if whatever you disagreed about is more significant than you’re saying. It sounds as if it’s changed the way you think about your husband an bit-otherwise why would you need to process it like this? Could you have a strategic stomach bug or something to give yourself a bit of alone time to think?

If it’s a minor issue, why are you still thinking about it. Move on and go and enjoy your brunch.

You say you resolved it, but you didn't if he brought it up again in the morning and you want to cancel brunch over it.

I think you need to go to brunch to not escalate the argument, but need to revisit this because it's obviously not resolved. You also need to work on how you handle disagreements in future, just because you don't have them often doesn't mean you can let them fester - a strong relationship is about how you handle disagreements, not not having them.

…it will be a rocky path for the rest of your marriage if this is the strife you put yourself through around a minor disagreement.

Imagine when some really tough issues come along.. will it be a flounce every time?

You don’t have to agree on everything.

Go.

Also, either this is NOT minor disagreement that has blown over already and you are in denial OR you are not very resilient. Either way, you should figure that out because married life brings arguments and challenges and you will need to navigate them without going off for a day to recover every time.