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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To change DDs school as I don’t like the culture at her current school

159 replies

Erolly · 07/11/2025 02:28

This might read a little controversial and this isn’t an attack on these families but more just a misalignment in priorities.
My DD is 4 she’s just started reception at an all girls prep, we really loved the school prior to her starting, solid leavers destinations without feeling too pushy, nice mixed curriculum etc.
My DS is at a co-ed he’s 7, we decided not to send DD to the same school as we actually thought the all girls was a better fit for DD.
Now we are a half term in and I’m really struggling with the culture at the school compared to DS’s. I’m going to generalise and of course not all of the families are like this or have all these traits but it’s just what I’ve noticed more generally.

  1. Lots of SAHMs, all doing the school run in their alo or lululemon sets and rushing off for Pilates. I work full time, I have nothing in common with them and I’ve found them quite unwelcoming.
  2. These little girls seem to do so many hobby’s, they are only 4 and every mum I’ve spoken to has told me how their child does Gymnastics and Ballet or Ballet and Tennis or stagecoach and horse riding etc. It reads as a little pushy to me and I’m feeling a lot of pressure to keep up with DD but we just don’t have the time.
  3. The competitive birthday parties! Just in term one alone I’ve been to a party which had a 3 tier cake that probably cost more than my wedding cake, performers, someone doing face painting and someone else doing glitter tattoos. Another with massive balloon arches, all these custom cupcakes etc. I just know if this is what DD expects we won’t be able to keep up.
  4. I think the parents must just have more access to money than at my DSs school, I constantly hear mums talking about 2 weeks in Mustique in April or whether Chamonix or Verbier are better for skiing etc. Again we just can’t keep up with this and I don’t want DD feeling like she is always less than her classmates.

Today I enquired at DSs school and they do actually have a place available in reception as they believe due to the VAT less parents took up places than normal in reception. I’m genuinely considering moving DD to join her brother. It would be practically easier and I just don’t know how much more of these mums I can take.

DH doesn’t mind either way but does worry that we’d be moving DD from somewhere she’s happy.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Marchitectmummy · 07/11/2025 03:12

You sound a little intimidated by the parents, particularly the mums at your daughter's school - I can't quite understand how a mums choice of leggings is significant enough to influence a change your daughter's school. Your reasoning is quite bizarre.

At drop off you will also be coming across the parents who WFH or do not work by the nature of drop offs / pick ups, there may be lots who you are yet to meet who may align more with your principles. I have 5 daughters at 3 different schools, all of which I have rarely been to either drop off or pick up. Our nannies do both, and dress very similar to your description some of the time.

Either way this is your daughter's school not yours. If she is happy, achieving and settled why disrupt that due to your own prejudiced views.

PrincessOfPreschool · 07/11/2025 03:10

I would move her. The parents sound awful (not school's fault).

Personally, I think it's also nice for siblings to attend the same school, it's an additional bond in life to talk about/ shared experience etc. It's also great for girls and boys to mix socially at this age.

Jumungo · 07/11/2025 03:05

I think being able to fit in socially with your peers is an huge part of school and as a parent, if you can already see its going to be difficult for your family to keep up with the school culture, I believe it's a good enough reason to move her.

It's annoying that the school itself sounds like it's great, but school isn't about just the academics is it?

Go with your gut!

BreakingBroken · 07/11/2025 03:03

Dgd just finished 6 years of this and honestly there were some very unkind dynamics over the years. Knowing what I know now in hindsight I’d vote mixed.

Gottocopebymyself · 07/11/2025 03:02

Well i wouldn't like a child of mine being educated in such a money obsessed materialistic environment.

You will end up doing a lot of " keeping up with the Jones's " in order for her not to feel the odd one out . And I wouldn't like the effect al this will have on her outlook on life.

Besides which having attended an all girls school myself I don't think it's a good preparation for life.

There seems a lot of good reasons for your dd to attend the same school as your DS . I would definitely change her school.

BoxesBoxesEverywhere · 07/11/2025 02:51

They sound like reasons you don't want her to be there. So you don't like the culture of the parents and their lifestyles, but what has that got to do with the school? You said you really liked the school.
Then you "met" the mums and changed your mind?!
If it's a good school, who gives a shit what other families are or aren't doing, or what they're wearing, or what their kids do for hobbies?!

Franjipanl8r · 07/11/2025 02:40

I like all girls schools for secondary but for prep - they’re unnecessary. I’m not surprised the parents are precious sorry.

Original poster
Erolly · 07/11/2025 02:38

cannynotsay · 07/11/2025 02:36

You want to change the school for you not your DD, what does she want?

Well she’s 4, she wants lots of things like ice cream for breakfast and cookies for dinner, that doesn’t mean it’s the best choice for her. I personally don’t think being in this school would be good for her long term as clearly we won’t be offering the same as her classmates families. I already know that DS’s school has a much more welcoming culture and I’d say is just as good academically etc. or we wouldn’t have sent DS there.

OP posts:
cannynotsay · 07/11/2025 02:36

You want to change the school for you not your DD, what does she want?