To change DDs school as I don’t like the culture at her current school

Sending your kids to private 'prep' schools than complaining the parents are posh..... Wtaf

It doesn’t matter much whether it’s for you or her at age four if where she’ll go will be just as nice for her.

Those parents will pass whatever values you don’t agree with onto their kids. Plus it’s so nice to make friends with other parents who have children the same age for hanging out in the holidays etc. So I’d leave, tbh.

What happens when you don’t like the parents in her class at the other school? Just because you don’t have the same with DS doesn’t mean anything. I have little time for parents in DD’s year but DS’a was completely different.

Oh no! Not SAHMs! 😱
Sounds to me like your attitude is slightly the problem, OP, insisting you have nothing in common with people you've barely spoken to because you "work full time" as if that makes you superior. I'm a SAHM and, shockingly, still have a working brain, a personality and am occasionally capable of intelligent conversation.

Totally with @Olivetawny on this one. How can you know you have “nothing in common” with people with whom you’ve barely had a conversation? They’ve made different choices from you - could be that they’re completely different people, or, alternatively, they simply have a lot more money and can easily afford for one of them not to work.

This doesn’t sound like a school problem. Or your daughter having an issue. That said though, there is usually value to both children in same school. No clashes for events, one drop off. Sibling support etc. I agree if you’re going to do it, do it asap. Just be clear the reasons for having her there in first place are no longer valid or you’re depriving her of an opportunity because of you.

My DC are in private school, I am always in Pilates gear as I work from home so I’m around a lot. I’m very senior earning earning high six figures, we also have lots of lovely holidays but I’m also a single parent and live in a regular terrace house. So it doesn’t fit the narrative you’ve imagined that I stay at home and do nothing and live in a mansion.

But I would move her now if you feel like you should, it’s not a big deal at that age.

If you are not happy at this stage, I’d move her. Much easier now than later. As others have said, also good to have siblings at same school if possible.

I think you will resent it otherwise, and it is a long time to feel like that!

You already know you like DS’s school. Just think about why you didn’t want to send her there in the first place and if those things are really big.

If your child would be happy in either school I would go with what makes you feel comfortable. I find it intimidating to be around posh and rich people and it makes me feel less grateful for what I have, we all have a lot and when we compare ourselves it does absolutely nothing for our mental health, which in the long term means it will do nothing for your daughters mental health either.

I would switch her. She may be happy but she's 4 and has only been there a couple of months; she will barely remember this time in a few years. And it's not as if you're jumping blind into the other school; you know it, and know you like it. Seven / nine years is a long time to have regrets!

FWIW I think mixed is better for small kids and I also am in favour of siblings having the shared link of a common school (unless there a firm reason why not).

Why did you pick it for your DD all the reasons you give for leaving can’t have made up the thought process for sending her there in the first place because the easiest and obvious choice was to send her ti the same place that your DS is at

but you didn’t - you chose it because something was a better fit for your DD what was is

To be honest she’s happy why move her?
you don’t need to be friends with the other mums. With my first I got involved with all this rubbish and it caused me no end of hassle worrying about other school mums. My second child I didn’t talk to anyone just did the school run and it was brilliant

I would leave - unless you think you can steer your DD towards the less materialistic classmates.

But I would hate this culture and it would not be how I would choose to raise my DD

I think you are the one being a bit judgy and have a bit of inverse snobbery going on. In 6 weeks, you can’t have had that many parties or opportunities to speak to the other parents. you need to choose the school that is right for your daughter- there is every chance you will come across exactly the same parents if you move her. Maybe your son’s year was quite chilled and just had a slightly different vibe but I don’t think anything you’ve said is that unusual and in reception both of mine were in a state primary.

• SAHMs heading to the gym: will find in lots of schools. You will also find lots of part time parents who head to the gym on their non working days.
• hobbies: at 4 both of mine did gymnastics, ballet tennis and swimming. Nothing unusual about activities and remember mine were at a state school not a prep.
• birthday parties: parties are big for the kids. I’ve been to every type and there is nothing that unusual about a face painter or glitter tattoo etc. a 3 tier cake would be unusual but most parties I’ve been to have had a lovely cake- either home made or from a baker. Big parties tend to drop off by year 2 so it isn’t forever.
• holidays: I’m honestly shocked you’re not finding the same at your son’s prep. Most people don’t tend to start in the private system at 4 and the ones that do are likely to have a lot of money. That shouldn’t be a surprise. Again in my state primary people are going on nice holidays.

Move her asap @Erolly . You don't live in the same world as these people and your DD will be considered as the poor outcast for not having a pony.

I'd move her. She'll just become more aware of her peers and what their lives are like as she gets older. Plus she'll get firmer and firmer friendships that means the comparisons are more obvious and moving is harder.

I'll be honest I don't know anything much about prep-schools but I'd imagine what you are experiencing is likely quite common in some of them. I can absolutely understand why you are considering moving your daughter. School isn't just about the academics, it's also about the social side. In my experience of working in state schools (Primary) for many years, girls especially, can sometimes be bitchy and nasty the older they become. Of course that kind of behaviour can happen in any school regardless if all girls, mixed, private or state. Your daughter is already going to be starting out at a 'disadvantage' in the family status/wealth compared to a lot of the other parents. You know you aren't going to be able to keep up with your daughter's desire, especially as she becomes older, to 'fit in'. You can't provide what the other families can for their children. It makes no difference, really but sadly it might make it more difficult for her to be 'accepted socially' by her peers. At 4, your daughter will likely be happy whatever school she attends, she has no idea about wealth or status, and at this age, it's unlikely she'll experience being pushed out of friendship groups due to it. It's as she becomes older, that there's a possibility of that happening. It would be better to move her now, than wait until she's older, if that's the route you want to take.

My kids go to state school but I have several friends whose children go private. I'm surprised at those saying the parents must be pretty much the same wherever, it's just the people you've bumped into.

Private schools do have very different 'parent cultures'. Of course there will always be outliers but it's the prevailing group which sets the tone. My friend moved her daughter from an all girls (to state school) as she disliked the parents so much. She's actually a lovely person! Her older kids had gone all the way at private school (different school) and she'd never had an issue with the parents.

I would move if only for the convenience of having kids at same school. I think all girls are great for secondary, but nice for them to be around boys too at this age.

Plus it sounds like you will have a bit of a chip on your shoulder for the entire time she’s there so you might as well just take her out asap

It sounds like you have an inferiority complex and feel resentful that you don't fit in. But really, what are you expecting people with more money than you to be doing? Of course they will wear lycra and have more expensive hobbies for their children. The important thing is whether your daughter is happy and making good progress.

Also, at age 4, you should be considering hobbies for your child, like swimming or rainbows. It's not an outlandish thing to have kids doing hobby activities.

You sound a little intimidated by the parents, particularly the mums at your daughter's school - I can't quite understand how a mums choice of leggings is significant enough to influence a change your daughter's school. Your reasoning is quite bizarre.

I don't feel the stories sound believable at all, and OP is either exaggerating for effect or she heard one outlier and extrapolated it onto "all other parents". For example, she used Verbier, Chamonix and Mustique are holiday examples which are high profile locations repeatedly mentioned in the media because the Royal Family go there. I highly doubt there are huge numbers of wealthy families who coincidentally only go to the exact same 3 locations as Kate & Will. Even if the other mums were discussing ski resorts, they were probably talking about places in Switzerland or Austria, alongside France.

Statistically, it's also impossible for every single student in a private school to be in the tax bracket of skiing vacations in winter and tropical vacations in summer. Many families in private schools don't have that much money but prioritise spending on education. Even the ultra wealthy ones have different lifestyle choices that don't involve holidays at the exact same places as British white aristocracy.

Just based on that, OP sounds like the sort to hyperbolically lie about stories to make things more dramatic or to strengthen her own case. She sounds extremely judgemental and probably exudes that same aura which is why the other mums don't feel welcoming. It might be a surprise, but wealthy people can easily sense "reverse class snobbery" from a mile off and they have zero incentive to actively befriend someone like that. The anecdotes above read like someone using the Daily Mail as the only source of research on how to profile an unpleasant rich person.

Sure this is a huge financial decision with big impacts on your cash flow for the next few months?

If you can afford to move without notice and pay double fees then you're a few ski trips up on the likes of myself already.

I think to an extent you have to accept that there will be different groups whatever school you go to.

My dc have always been to state schools but there are plenty of mum groups and parties I don't feel align with my circumstances and varies etc. It's just life isn't it?

If you're really fussed about finances just move to state.

What were the reasons you chose the school other than it being a 'better fit'? Surely when you looked around you would have noticed the culture of the school, so I think it isn't about the school itself and more about you comparing yourself to the other parents.
Surely it was massively inconvenient to put her in a different school to DS - two school drops requiring both parents to do one I assume or to use breakfast club for one child (assuming you aren't using this for both).
I think you need to take the parents out the equation and think about what the school itself offered and whether those benefits still exist.

I also went to an all girls school (state )

I wouldn’t want a daughter of mine to attend one - regardless of the academic performance !

im surprised that not all private schools have the parents that you describe of DD’s school
Make your decisions on her happinesses / wishes
If you are a working parent , surely you will minimise your contact with the parents anyway ?

Honestly, it feels as though most of your reasons are based on your own feelings. But if you want to move her I’d do it now so she’s able to adapt easy and get settled in a new school.

I was one of the "poorer" (but not actually poor at all, obviously) kids in a private school and don't think it did me any harm - whoever and wherever you are, there are going to be people better off and people worse off and that's life. It doesn't do kids any harm to learn that, or to learn to be grateful for what they have. And I was always proud that my mum was one of the few that worked - by the time I was about six I'd made up my mind that most of the other mums were lazy and lived entirely pointless lives. I've had a horror of not supporting myself ever since. Although I suppose it could go the other way - DD thinks "lots of women just find a man to pay their bills, why not me?".