To think therapy culture is turning self-reflection into self-obsession?

Real therapy, with qualified practitioners, such as a Clinical Psychologist, is around £150/hour. I don't think there are many people indulging in "therapy culture" at those prices. And I don't think there are many Doctors who would entertain "performance patients" at their practice.

However, social media is full of shit that promotes the mantra of casual "therapy". Usually this is in the form of a poorly disguised "like and subscribe" script, set against some melancholy background music.

We are pathologising normal human emotions and personality types.

I don’t know any good therapist that would endorse this. In fact, most modalities of therapy have some focus into understanding the perspectives of others as well as self-understanding. It’s not reasonable to go through life without being able to appreciate other people’s point of view.

The real issue is the lack of regulation (as others have said). Legally, anyone can call themselves a therapist, and people can quite easily go on a one day “trauma therapy” online course, put it on their website and say “abc accredited trauma therapist” and potential customers are none the wiser.

This is obviously very different to people who have gone through doctoral training (Clinical and Counselling Psychologists) and those who have MSc level training provided by an accredited course (e.g BACP registered CBT therapists, Association of Family Therapy accredited Systemic Family Therapists).

It’s so confusing and I can understand how people end up finding unqualified therapists and then thinking future therapy won’t be helpful, and therapy is just about talking and receiving validation.

If anyone here is looking for a therapist, I would recommend going through the UKCP directory or looking for a HCPC registered psychologist (anyone can call themselves a psychologist too, but clinical and counselling psychologist are legally protected titles so only qualified clinicians can use these). Any decent practitioner will be happy to answer questions about their qualifications if you enquire.

I feel like you’re mixing up ‘therapy’ here with ‘every fucker and his dog now has a podcast and keep inviting ‘experts’ witn no qualifications to talk about topics they know fuck all about’

I hate the latter. But I love therapy, it was transformative for me after a very dark period and a PTSD diagnosis. Please don’t tar therapy and the incredible counsellors out there with this brush!

There are some excellent therapists out there who help people deal with genuine issues and it can be life changing. Access to this is hard to get because the NHS doesn't have capacity and private is expensive.
And there are some terrible barely qualified private counsellors who spout instagram style therapy speak and create the problems OP is talking about.

Btw I have found therapy massively useful at resolving all sorts of things in my life. My “unhappier than ever” line was hyperbolic - I’ve gone from having chronic severe depression and suicidal thoughts to being really positive and joyful 80% of the time, it’s just the other 20% which is less severe than it was but still very limiting (I go into like a catatonic shutdown for some of it).

I do agree though that the Insta / social media content is pretty terrible - and therapists will tell you that therapy concepts have been taken and are just being completely misapplied by people often with outcomes that make it worse for them and other people.

Thanks so much for sharing this - I’m a very introspective person and it’s definitely a double-edged sword.

I’m very self-aware and that’s led to a massive increase in my emotional maturity but in some ways I’m unhappier than ever.

The “What Not Why” thing they talk about in this will be extremely helpful I think as realistically I’ve done as much work as I need to on understanding the “why” so this will be a great and easy way to park it and get to a more practical way forward.

I remember that thread. I think the point was that the op was surprised that her husband wasn't supportive of her or thrilled about the news

Yeah, this. I remember that thread. The issue wasnt that she shouldn't be honest with her husband about her sexuality. The issue was that she was actually annoyed he wasnt being more supportive - his world had just fallen apart.

I remember that thread. I think the point was that the op was surprised that her husband wasn't supportive of her or thrilled about the news. It had never even crossed her mind of how her news would impact him. She was so self absorbed in her own journey of self discovery. And it was early on in her explorations - perhaps she was bisexual? She clearly had felt at one time she was straight by marrying her husband?

Not in my experience. I agree we are under feeling but that's what therapy can help with.

I'm not on Instagram- it's now just a marketing platform these days.

I wholeheartedly agree. The expectation that we should feel happy all the time is actually making people unhappy, ironically.

I would agree that metal health problems have moved from being seen as viewed as a character flaw to a fashionable accessory encouraging selfish, attention seeking behaviour and a lack of resilience.
I say this as someone who has a diagnosis myself and I have worked in the field of mental health since the 80s.
It is also true of many other issues.
Eventually the pendulum returns to the middle when the media, social and otherwise, moves on to the next thing.

work out what’s wrong by all means, but then actually live differently, make different choices, rather than just going on about your issues forever

Agree with this. People do a lot of talking and postulating (with little self-awareness) but never actually do the work to heal or manage their condition. Same with physio etc….so many don’t do the exercises they’re given. It’s a lack of ability to take personal responsibility for making yourself better or managing a condition and it drives me nuts. The same excuses are rolled out constantly. No, it is NOT easy but if you truly want to be better or happier or healed then you have to do the work. It really is that simple. But so many people seem content to just wallow in their misery, and drag others down with them, rather than put some effort in. Emotional vampires is what I call people like that. They suck the energy and happiness out of everyone around them. The competitive misery and spitefulness we see on here is an example of it.

So, as ever with your questions, it’s a deliberately clickbait title, and not what you actually mean at all? Why not use better words?

No one who has actually done therapy properly throws around ‘narcissist’ and ‘avoidant’ because they saw them in a Grazia article. What you’re talking about is dimwit pop psychology, which bears about as much resemblance to therapy as horoscopes do to particle physics.

I agree with this. Lots of the ‘therapy’ chat on Instagram is absolute BS and is about people justifying their own shitty behaviour.

but therapy with a skilled, trained therapist has been life changing for me. It didn’t go on for ever either- she gave me the tools to cope with certain situations once I’d left the therapy room.

I'm wondering if the people on here who are anti talking therapy have actually tried it? I'm very much about trying things before criticising.

Agree it needs to be done alongside other things like healthy eating, gentle exercise, nature, yoga, gardening etc. A holistic approach is always best.

For me, sometimes it's about having a fortnightly space to be sad/upset/grieve and properly heard so that it's contained and I don't then naval-gaze the whole time. I think it helps me be a more open, compassionate person. But I won't be in therapy forever (had six months a few years ago and will have three months this time).

I hope the people on here posting that have been victims of DV, abuse, neglect, have suffered sudden and/or huge losses such as the loss of a partner or child aren't feeling silly for trying talking therapy.

Yes I agree. People seem to equate 'having feelings' with entitlement eg I am upset about x so you mustn't do x because you hurt my feelings. Rather than 'I am upset about x so I need to work on myself because my feelings tell me something about who i am'. The most important thing becomes how someone feels and other people should prioritise that. However, it completely breaks down when the other person also has feelings that conflict and then an almighty argument ensues with each person or each side trying to win the battle of whose feelings have been hurt the most or whose feelings are most important. A lot of this is down to really bad therapy though where an unaware therapist is unconsciously trying to resolve their own pain and encouraging people to act on their feelings, without any equal focus on responsibility, values, empathy, community mindedness, the importance of other people's feelings and so on. I feel it may be contributing to the breakdown of families and relationships.

“The specifics of negative effects vary widely across trials. Negative effects have been reported across a range of self-report measures including a worsening of symptoms of anxiety, depression, hyperactivity/inattention difficulties, obsessive compulsive disorder and panic, and a decrease in parental relationship quality, prosocial behaviour and wellbeing”.

if you want to understand more I would recommend reading the full article.

I certainly don’t disagree with therapy (I am a therapist myself). But proposing telling kids about thoughts, feelings, sensations and behaviours instead of addressing the very real systemic factors that increase health disparities is not the way to go in my opinion.

While psychoeducation is important, part of the role of a therapist is to help the individual to recognise how these patterns show up in their life and how to change them. Even adults can struggle with this, and it takes a lot of work.

I don’t think just explaining the mechanism of the therapy to anyone (adult or child) would be that helpful without then working on changing the things that are distressing.

Exactly this!

So what are the risks?

I think this is really unfair and I hugely feel for you but at the same time I do have weird letter diagnoses. So I'm honestly clueless as to how many lines there are or which ones I'm crossing. But I'm also compelled.

So I'd like to forward you the name of my solicitor if you reach out privately .

You are not alone.

There is a group.

😂

I think (and hope) this is sarcasm.
I saw a comedian who is diagnosed with ADHD. He made a joke about Tik Tokers and their whole alphabet of labels.
"Hi, I am Joe. I am 19 and live in California. I have ADHD, ASD, BPD, OCD, PTSD, CUNT" 😂

I think what you’re referring to is more social media than actual therapy but I don’t disagree. I’ve had two periods of therapy in my life and both helped - for an ED in my teens and after getting divorced in my late 30s. In both cases I needed to understand better what was going on with myself at the time - then I stopped.

After divorce I did date a guy who been in therapy for literally years - he must have spent thousands on it. He was convinced he had childhood trauma (from relatively normal things like parental divorce, I’m not talking abuse) and would often post cringey things on Facebook about he was recovering etc and constantly share SM posts about things like boundaries! He was a very lovely person but the therapy obsession really bothered me actually, I felt it stopped him being able to live in the moment. From what I could see he would have felt better from simpler things like taking walks and eating healthier but he would never do that, we broke up in the end.

I do think there’s a danger that therapy gets people stuck in the thinking stage when in fact what is needed is embodiment - work out what’s wrong by all means, but then actually live differently, make different choices, rather than just going on about your issues forever!

As an AuDHD polyamorous LGBTQI++ transabled POC with BPD, CPTSD and a PhD, OP, I think YABU. In fact I feel horrifically triggered by your abusive lack of respect. Buzzwords and acronyms validate ID, thus supporting MH, and facilitate contemplative reflection on one's unique vulnerabilities. Educate yourself and do better.