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Original poster

Partner called me his ex’s name during sex

89 replies

Taratalk · 06/11/2025 20:06

We’ve been together over a year now. Am I right in thinking that’s a major red flag? He said he didn’t mean anything by it and it was an accident.

OP posts:
Spudthespanner · 06/11/2025 22:48

Praying4Peace · 06/11/2025 21:46

Was this a one off OP?
If it was, let it go.
Human error and instinct

😂😂😂😂

Jesus wept

Spudthespanner · 06/11/2025 22:48

As if all these people are accidentally doing this or have had it happen to them and wouldn’t be bothered. Mumsnet is the absolute peak of bullshittery.

If this actually happened to any of you, you’d be heartbroken.

Absolute bollocks the lot of ye.

NormasArse · 06/11/2025 22:43

Mumtobabyhavoc · 06/11/2025 20:24

Ever had a hot dream about an ex? I think it is like that. Doesn't necessarily mean anything in and of itself. 🤔

The human mind is a bizarre thing. I once had a sex dream about Boris Johnson.

For the record, when awake, I find him utterly repulsive.

MaybeItWasMe · 06/11/2025 22:39

I would assume that he was thinking of her whilst shagging you. I’m so sorry.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 06/11/2025 22:26

Love that so many of you have done this or wouldn't be bothered by it.
For me it's when he said her name that's the problem. During an argument would piss me off, just accidentally in conversation would again piss me off, during sex would be an immediate turn off and there is no way I'd ever want to have sex with him again tbh.
He'd be in the bin.

MirrorFatigueJay · 06/11/2025 22:07

You need to do better. The fact that you’re on MN still referring to him as your “partner” and not seeing this for what it is, says a lot about you.

Praying4Peace · 06/11/2025 21:46

Was this a one off OP?
If it was, let it go.
Human error and instinct

Happyjoe · 06/11/2025 21:27

Mortifying! But, if a one off and the rest of your time together good.. then well, up to you but I'd let it go. Once! Massive passion killer I should expect.

TheNameWasOnceChosen · 06/11/2025 21:25

I'm always doing it. During sex, at the dinner table, saying goodbye...
I'm not thinking about them, it's just his name comes out.

CanadianJohn · 06/11/2025 21:15

That's why the word "darling" was invented

Mumtobabyhavoc · 06/11/2025 21:10

understandyourdilemma · 06/11/2025 20:54

My dh did this once. When I reacted he got flustered and said he was thinking of his Mum (same name as his ex). I told him that was so, so much worse. tbf our names are not entirely dissimilar, think Jean and Joan or Gemma and Emma.

However I have more than once called him 'Dave'. I don't know a Dave, we have no friends with that name, I don't have colleagues called that, I've never been out with a Dave. I cannot imagine what brain trick was going on.

dh and I laugh about both examples. I think him calling me by his Mum's name will always give me the upper hand! Grin

Guys often do that to stop from ... too soon.

StephenKingIsScaredOfMe · 06/11/2025 20:59

DH and I have been happily married for 23 years, after being with our ex 20yrs and 14 yrs. During arguments and sex we somehow manage to utter amalgamations of ex and current spouses names! I can assure you my ex is the last thing on my mind at any time, let alone during sex!!!

Ohmygodthepain · 06/11/2025 20:58

Meh. I did it a good few years ago to two consecutive fellas. I'm with the second still now after 15 years. Was just a moment of mindlessness.

That said, he called me his ex's nickname in bed once and that stung.

So, no, I don't think it's a red flag (unless there's other stuff going on) but it does hurt like fuck.

understandyourdilemma · 06/11/2025 20:54

My dh did this once. When I reacted he got flustered and said he was thinking of his Mum (same name as his ex). I told him that was so, so much worse. tbf our names are not entirely dissimilar, think Jean and Joan or Gemma and Emma.

However I have more than once called him 'Dave'. I don't know a Dave, we have no friends with that name, I don't have colleagues called that, I've never been out with a Dave. I cannot imagine what brain trick was going on.

dh and I laugh about both examples. I think him calling me by his Mum's name will always give me the upper hand! Grin

therewasafishinthepercolator · 06/11/2025 20:42

Luckyingame · 06/11/2025 20:34

I don't know why you stand corrected.
It never happened to me and never will, I don't have the slightest intention to "date" anyone anymore, but this would be the end for me - now or thirty years ago. 😊

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I think I jumped to that conclusion because I couldn't imagine anyone actually doing that in real life. But according to this thread, its not uncommon at all! So there you go. I mustn't be letting loose enough. 😂

catin8oot5 · 06/11/2025 20:36

This is why I just call them all babe 😁

Luckyingame · 06/11/2025 20:34

therewasafishinthepercolator · 06/11/2025 20:17

Reading the rest of the replies it would seem that I'm in the minority and must be very cynical!

Happy to stand corrected. Hope it is an accident and he is genuinely very sorry.

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I don't know why you stand corrected.
It never happened to me and never will, I don't have the slightest intention to "date" anyone anymore, but this would be the end for me - now or thirty years ago. 😊

TalulahJP · 06/11/2025 20:34

I’ve done it once. Wasn’t thinking about my ex at all. Didjt want back with him at all

it was just automatic pilot. Was so in the moment my brain just made my mouth say the things it used to say.

However I’d only been with the guy a few weeks. Not sure about a year later…

BaconCheeses · 06/11/2025 20:29

Id dump.

It would make me feel like a total fuckbucket.

67854568G · 06/11/2025 20:28

Hmm YANBU. I’ve done that myself once. And I was thinking about my ex boyfriend. Luckily, they both had the same name (Rob). True story.

So yes - he was thinking of his ex imo. :(

Gottocopebymyself · 06/11/2025 20:24

Well sorry OP but I would assume because it was her he was fantasising about while he was having sex with you.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 06/11/2025 20:24

Ever had a hot dream about an ex? I think it is like that. Doesn't necessarily mean anything in and of itself. 🤔

barrywhite99 · 06/11/2025 20:24

About a year in (so decades ago now!) I did this. I cannot explain why, ex was an abusive, vile arsehole, I had zero desire to be anywhere near him, ever again. It really did mean nothing. Now DH was obviously not thrilled but he believed me when I said it meant nothing and it never happened again.

OnlyOnAFriday · 06/11/2025 20:17

I dunno, the human mind is an odd thing. A female friend of mine has done this twice to her new partner. She was mortified. She is still with the new partner five years later and very happy, she wasn’t wanting to get back with her ex, she couldn’t explain why it happened.

therewasafishinthepercolator · 06/11/2025 20:17

ShesTheAlbatross · 06/11/2025 20:14

That’s very cynical!

I’d assume it was an accident. But I don’t understand why he’s using that as a defence. It’s a very revealing and hurtful accident.

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Reading the rest of the replies it would seem that I'm in the minority and must be very cynical!

Happy to stand corrected. Hope it is an accident and he is genuinely very sorry.

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