Partner called me his ex’s name during sex

I did this once but not during sex. It was when DS was a tiny baby and I’d been up all through the night so was knackered, older DC came through to wake us up at like 5am or something and I was really disorientated so turned to DH and said “exes name, can you wake up”. He was really upset and pissed off with me for ages. I was just really disorientated and shattered, it didn’t mean a thing.

I’d guess it’s something like this here. His wires just got mixed up in the heat of the moment.

I've done this before. Genuine accident and didn't mean a thing.

So there's a good mix of

He's a shitbag / I've accidentally done this before

So to conclude he's either a shitbag or it was an accident. You could always flip a coin

Meh. It happens. Doesn’t necessarily mean anything beyond a brain error.

Mood killer 100%. If it happens early in a relationship there's no coming back from it really. If happens in a long term relationship then again there are some deep underlying issues.

I agree it is really easy to do!!! I stick to darling...for everyone. I am terrible with names.

This is a very common occurrence; so much so that there are scholarly studies on it, and articles/discussions all over the web. It’s usually not nefarious.

https://www.vice.com/en/article/why-we-call-people-the-wrong-name-during-sex/

Forty years ago I called by boyfriend, during sex, the name of my female roommate. Think Sandy instead of Andy. It certainly stopped him in his tracks and I was mortified but we also started laughing, and actually finished off on a good note.

And here’s an amusing twist: “If all else fails, you can at least console yourself by knowing things could be worse: In the Duke study, 42 instances of misnaming involved someone using their pet’s name—in most cases a dog’s—in place of a loved one’s. Though 41 of those cases involved a family member, you can take comfort in knowing you’re probably better off than that one last person.”

.

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Someone I was seeing did this..called out his ex's name during sex only it transpired she wasn't an ex and they were still together.
Having said that, I was married a long time and have no feelings towards my exdh at all. Quite often I almost say his name rather than my DPs. My DPs Mum frequently calls me his ex's name too, that makes me shudder worse than the one still with his ex for some reason.

Objectively, it's probably not that unusual to fantasise, in the moment, about someone other than the person you're having sex with. I know I have.
Accidentally giving voice to that is unfortunate, of course, but not necessarily the end of the world.

I'll remember this. Great tip😂

His mum 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Dave 😂😂😂😂😂

This happened to me . My partner had been married for nearly 30 years. He said his ex wife's name. He was horrified and immediately apologised. As far as I was concerned it was an easy thing to do if you had been with someone for 30 years and then was with someone new.

No, I personally couldn’t get past this. Every time we had sex I would be wondering if he was thinking about her.

😂

If my DP did this I’d be so so upset. However I have actually done this before myself, it had absolutely no bearing on what I was thinking about, it was just automatic! So I can see both sides.
how is your relationship generally?

A man using my name & being vocal during sex would make me a bit 🤢 but I realise that's not the issue at hand.

To play devil's advocate, I've called my current partner of 10 YEARS my ex husband's name on multiple occasions during day-to-day life. I have absolutely no feelings towards my ex in that way, but do see him regularly as we co-parent a child. I'm just terrible when it comes to muddling up names.

I don't use names during sex (see above) but if I did it would be a risky endeavour!!

Feel like i've entered the twilight zone on this thread.

Is it only on this site that women are ok with this.

It isn't a case of calling your teacher.Mum or your children by the wrong name. Your children are still very much a part of your daily life.And so as your mother, so they re on your mind a lot

Calling her by his ex name means his ax is still very much on his mind.And she's on his mind during sex.

Why on earth are so many people saying this is innocent. Their relationship was on and off for a very long time.So maybe he's still in touch with her.

i don’t think it means he was thinking about her at all. I wrong name people all the time - even my own dc. The name comes out as habit. A bit like when you called your teacher mum as a kid. You weren’t thinking of her in the moment and didn’t think it was your mum. It just comes out

I've done it, so has my DH and past BF. And I know I wasn't thinking of ex, but the name associated w/ sex came out...and I've done it few times in other situations...not anymore, but early on in the relationships it happens. You brain associates romantic partner w/ a name...it's like when you call your kid the other kid's name.

You mean ex-partner right?

This would be setting off major alarm bells for me, to be honest. The on and off things just shows it’s perpetually unresolved and they enjoy the drama.

I find using names at all during sex to be off-putting, frankly. It seems unnecessary to clarify who you're talking to when there's only the two of you present. You can just say, 'oh, that's so good', without having to say, 'Oh Bill, that's so good'. I mean, who else would you be talking to??
It has the added bonus of never needing to worry about name mix-ups.

As for your boyfriend's slip-up... If he's otherwise a wonderful guy and you still want to be with him, then there's no harm in giving him a chance in case it really was just a weird one-off brain glitch, but if I were you, I'd be alert for any other red flags over the next few months.