Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stain on sofa I'm really cross

143 replies

Lotsnlotsoflove · 06/11/2025 18:48

I have recently (in the last 6 months) moved into a new house and renovated it. I've been really pleased with the design and finish and I really enjoy being in this space I have carefully curated. Being in a nice space is important to me and this is my home. Recently, my MiL has come to live with us due to some difficult circumstances, including the death of my FiL. In general, she is helpful and no problem to have around. Anyway, the crux of this post is that today she managed to get a huge ink stain on my beautiful velvet sofa and it is not removable or a fixable stain. I am really upset, it has ruined the item of furniture, and we cannot afford to replace it. MiL is in tears, and DH is cross with me, saying I just need to suck it up, as it was an accident. MiL is not in a position to replace it either. I have told him I am going to buy another sofa on my credit card, and we won't have a holiday next year. Now we aren't speaking. AIBU?

OP posts:
venus7 · 07/11/2025 20:45

ThisCanFuckOffToo · 06/11/2025 19:43

“Carefully curated” is the wankiest term I’ve ever heard. You’ve bought stuff you liked, that’s all.

Yanbu to be upset but unless your MIL spitefully rubbed ink on your sofa to piss you off then YABU.

Have you tried everything? I’ve got a velvet sofa and it is indestructible.

(edited, LIKED not KILLED, lol 😂)

Edited

Off topic, I know, but I want to buy a velvet sofa; where did you get yours? Is it cotton velvet?
Agree about curated; influencers using big words, and the art world, which I'm half in, over using it for everything.

venus7 · 07/11/2025 20:35

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 06/11/2025 19:17

Firstly, sympathies.
secondly, its not a catastrophe

Beyond crying has she offered the cost of replacing the cover? If not, lets start there.

I'd contact the manufacturer get a quote for a replacement cushion and tell her how much it is.

Havent rtft but unless you've lived through it i dont think anyone should be giving out to you too much as its hard on everyone.
I have lived through a bereaved MIL... its very difficult because to quote my own dh "she always has the trump card... a dead husband" so her needs amd wants always come first...

Edited

You've 'lived through' a bereaved mil?
You make it sound as if that's worse than losing one's husband.
Good heavens; grief is not a character defect.

Sharptonguedwoman · 07/11/2025 18:26

BernardButlersBra · 06/11/2025 19:29

YANBU. MIL needs to sort it as she was the one who did it, to be honest l wouldn't be giving it much headspace. Her crying isn't going to solve anything, apart from manipulating you and your husband. Which is her aim most likely.

She sounds like a child between the carelessness with a pen and the self pitying tears

Bit harsh and personally I don’t do drama over a sofa.

mylittledoggie · 07/11/2025 11:56

wow get a grip. Her husband has recently died and you are freaking out about a bloody sofa!

RubySquid · 07/11/2025 11:54

Lotsnlotsoflove · 06/11/2025 23:22

My MiL hasn’t been involved in the conversations about replacing the sofa. She apologised and cried as soon as she saw it, as she could see I was upset. I told her not to worry and discussed replacing with my DH when she went out. She does not have the funds to replace herself. I have now calmed down and will call the manufacturer tomorrow to find out the cost of replacing the big cushion the stain is on and claim it in my insurance.

Show quote history

Does the cushion not turn over?

Just seen post above sorry

Original poster
Lotsnlotsoflove · 07/11/2025 11:52

thetruthshallsetyoufreebutfirstitwillpissyouoff · 07/11/2025 06:57

Was just about to say this 😆.... although that might recreate the scene in Friends:
'I didn't sleep for a week after getting in on the sofa'
'Why didn't you just turn it over'
'I couldn't due to the huge spaghetti strain on the other side'

Show quote history

Haha. Unfortunately it one of those long seat cushions with a different finish on top and bottom.

OP posts:
NessShaness · 07/11/2025 08:53

Problem solved OP - you have accidental damage cover. Just make an insurance claim.

thetruthshallsetyoufreebutfirstitwillpissyouoff · 07/11/2025 06:57

RosesAndHellebores · 06/11/2025 19:50

Have you thought about turnong the seat cushion over?

Was just about to say this 😆.... although that might recreate the scene in Friends:
'I didn't sleep for a week after getting in on the sofa'
'Why didn't you just turn it over'
'I couldn't due to the huge spaghetti strain on the other side'

RedNine · 06/11/2025 23:41

Fair play OP, you have had a rethink and taken on the chin that you were BU.

A nod of approval from me.

Joeyontheshelf · 06/11/2025 23:29

Lotsnlotsoflove · 06/11/2025 23:25

Yes. Mil is genuinely having a hard time and it was an accident. She was genuinely mortified. I think this is a bit harsh. I overreacted and have now calmed down and will resolve this tomorrow probably by buying or claiming a new part on my insurance.

Show quote history

Sounds good OP. You got a shock, but sofa stains are small in the scheme of things.

Original poster
Lotsnlotsoflove · 06/11/2025 23:27

Allseeingallknowing · 06/11/2025 21:52

OP - when you bought the sofa did you not think of how practical it was, whether it could be cleaned if there was an accident? Sofas are there to be used, not ornamental . It is horrible when something you value is spoilt, but is this important enough to upset a family member? Even if you replace it, you’re always going to worry about someone spilling something on it or damaging the fabric. You’ve been given good advice, recovering etc. if you do make sure it’s not so special that it can’t be used.

This actually not brand new - it’s something I had in our old home and is very practical but there are certain stains you cannot get out of it. This is one of them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lotsnlotsoflove · 06/11/2025 23:25

GingerPaste · 06/11/2025 20:21

What a nasty person you sound.

Show quote history

Yes. Mil is genuinely having a hard time and it was an accident. She was genuinely mortified. I think this is a bit harsh. I overreacted and have now calmed down and will resolve this tomorrow probably by buying or claiming a new part on my insurance.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lotsnlotsoflove · 06/11/2025 23:23

ThisCanFuckOffToo · 06/11/2025 19:43

“Carefully curated” is the wankiest term I’ve ever heard. You’ve bought stuff you liked, that’s all.

Yanbu to be upset but unless your MIL spitefully rubbed ink on your sofa to piss you off then YABU.

Have you tried everything? I’ve got a velvet sofa and it is indestructible.

(edited, LIKED not KILLED, lol 😂)

Edited

I accept this criticism. It does sound wanky. I work in the art world and the word ‘curated’ gets thrown about a lot.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lotsnlotsoflove · 06/11/2025 23:22

BallerinaRadio · 06/11/2025 20:12

There are so many different options before you get to replacing the whole fucking sofa and cancelling a holiday.

I get the the feeling that they wouldn't make your MIL feel bad enough though would they?

My MiL hasn’t been involved in the conversations about replacing the sofa. She apologised and cried as soon as she saw it, as she could see I was upset. I told her not to worry and discussed replacing with my DH when she went out. She does not have the funds to replace herself. I have now calmed down and will call the manufacturer tomorrow to find out the cost of replacing the big cushion the stain is on and claim it in my insurance.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lotsnlotsoflove · 06/11/2025 23:19

firstofallimadelight · 06/11/2025 21:25

You are allowed to be upset. It’s an expensive piece of furniture and it’s ruined. Yes it’s an accident but how on earth did it happen.

She was using a pen with a fine liner tip to write something down and somehow left it without a lid on the sofa. She is old and going through a lot so I do know it was a genuine mistake and not in any way malicious. She is usually very courteous and respectful of the house.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lotsnlotsoflove · 06/11/2025 23:16

winnieranran · 06/11/2025 21:39

Yes youre being very unreasonable. you've pushed the poor lady to tears???? Thats not acceptable tbh

I didn’t ’push her to tears’ I told her not to worry about it, but she could also see I was upset.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lotsnlotsoflove · 06/11/2025 23:15

Scarlettpixie · 06/11/2025 19:55

And why don't you have content's insurance with accidental damage cover if your home is 'carefully curated'?

Presuming you don't as you are so upset.

I do, just honestly didn’t think of it as I have insurance for ‘big disasters’ and it didn’t occur to me this could be a claim, but will now make one. I can also see why the phrase ‘carefully curated’ is annoying. But I honestly have spent a really long time over the years sourcing and investing in things I am very (probably overly) attached to, it’s not like I just bought easily replaceable items from the high street was my point.

OP posts:
Joeyontheshelf · 06/11/2025 23:05

Your MIL is more important than a sofa. She’s lost her husband.
It’s a bit upsetting sure, but there really are more important things OP.

KoalaKoKo · 06/11/2025 23:04

If the stain doesn’t come out you could get it reupholstered - the companies that do it often have really gorgeous interesting options so you could get a beautiful new look for a few hundred!

It is obviously only worth doing if it is an expensive sofa. I would suggest if you do this maybe also buy a cheap waterproof cover that you put on to protect it from future damage!

NorthSouthEast · 06/11/2025 22:57

On one hand … your lovely sofa is spoilt.

on the other hand … no one died did they?

Honestly, rejig your priorities. Because whilst there’s nothing wrong with being sad and cross about sofa, it’s not your DH who has died, it’s not you who’s having to face up to the rest of your life without your life partner. There are bigger problems out there to cope with. Don’t deny yourself and your DH a holiday. Experiences and time together are what counts, not material possessions.

TheCorrsDidDreamsBetter · 06/11/2025 22:51

MasterBeth · 06/11/2025 22:40

Because everyone's not as uptight as you?

Show quote history

And clearly not everyone respects other peoples property or furnishings like I do either.

TheQuirkyMaker · 06/11/2025 22:50

The root of this issue is, having her stay. It never works. You have a couple, used to using the bathroom, lounge, flicking on the TV, etc. then you have another adult doing what they want to do, living with you. Someone has to leave and you need to decide who it will be.

MoveAlongNowDear · 06/11/2025 22:45

DollyDabble · 06/11/2025 19:20

Well if professional cleaners say they can't get the stain out, then i would be taking the cushion cover off, if it comes off and trying a soak in milk followed by a gentle wash. If it doesnt come off, try gently blotting it with a cloth thats got milk on it, followed by a warm rinse with clean water. Milk strange as it seems, is great for getting rid of biro and ink marks.
Youve got nothing to lose, if you,plan on replacing it anyway. If it doesnt work, cover it with a throw until you get a new one.

My son dropped a bottle of ink on our new carpet. Milk got it out completely.

MasterBeth · 06/11/2025 22:40

TheCorrsDidDreamsBetter · 06/11/2025 22:31

I think this is one of those accidents that wouldn't happen if she had taken more care.

Why was there even ink near the sofa? Surely that's a table item, to be used at a table and desk.

Because everyone's not as uptight as you?

Genevie82 · 06/11/2025 22:35

Newmeagain · 06/11/2025 19:54

I would be annoyed/upset but it’s not ok that your MIL is crying. Sounds like she is already in a bad place and now probably feels really alone and unwelcome.

This, you sound horrible. You should start worrying more about your lack of compassion for a bereaved MIL than a sofa. Imagine letting someone feel that upset about a stain .. humiliating.