For deciding to report past abuse against my son if he asks SS for contact with my ex husband

Ah ok, my mistake. I would call it a children’s home, or group home or similar, in my mind a care home is for old people or very disabled people! Silly of me I know

You absolutely have to report this to both the police and social services. He is 16 years old so still a child. You have a duty of care. Do your job.

From what I’ve read up on, he was assumed to have obsessive compulsive disorder and had a thing with impulsive (?) thoughts.. he’d told this to his cahms therapist and they told OP… But he was discharged I think(?) or he was said to not have it with no ocd.. if I’m wrong please correct me..

edit: he wasn’t sent to a care home because of this the social services had taken him..

He has been removed by SS. It’s rare a child that age would get a place in a foster home. It’s a children’s home for teenagers removed by SS.

For a 16 year old to be in a care home, I would assume he is severely disabled in some way?

before I knew he was sexually abusive. I only figured out after reading her separate threads.

Well, regardless, I apologize to you,

and I apologize to OP.. please do not listen to what I wrote before! I have figured out the context behind all of this and do not send your son to that abuser, god, he sounds terrible..

ah, sorry, I completely missed this the notification didn’t come up.

regardless of the time, you mustn’t let your son see this. I hadn’t known everything when I first posted and I was wrong. I thought you were assuming it was his father without your son telling you.

from what I’ve read your sons behaviour is appalling, though I understand he’s had a bad childhood.

sit him down, buy him a treat and ask him to talk about it with you.
do be aware many people despise to talk with parents about issues like this so be prepared for backlash..

if this is too much for you don’t do it and refuse. Unless they’ve emancipated him (which they can’t in the uk), he cant choose now.

there was something I’d read on, where victims purposely returned to abusers as a traumatic response and I’m suspecting this might be the case…

keep yourself safe op xx

It’s not ‘pissy’, you repeatedly advising the OP she should let her son visit her sexually abusive dad because you aren’t reading things properly is poor advice to give

no need to get pissy, I haven’t seen ops post yet, I was reading her previous posts to get a background.

without knowing context for everything, I’d say it’s difficult to understand what’s going on as this post is all over the place.

The OP even quoted you and told you, and I’ had quoted and told you… you skim a lot!

Read the whole opening post, she even talks about phoning her sons placement and her ex living abroad, son wanting to visit him…

I think I misread it, sorry. I read the top part and must have skimmed over the part where op wrote about ex allegations.

in that case, he shouldn’t be anywhere near his father. Have you asked him why he wants to see him?

The first post doesnt make this clear at all.
know ive already made a post recently about his abhorrent behaviour when coming over to stay with us at the weekend (he is in a care home) and I do need to take some distance for my safety and the safety of my daughter
Who is the ‘he’?

He told his mum his father had sexually assaulted him, how is that not confirmed?

Have you asked your som why he would want to live with someone who abused him?

ah..! thank you for context…

if father is okay with the son being gay I’m pretty sure that’s the reason he wants to speak with him.

ds could have been sa’d by someone else because right now it isn’t confirmed.

Im sure DS will not take getting reported lightly as id say he might be trying to rekindle him and OPs relationship..

is this a second part of something because many people seem to know much more context about this

It's in the first line of the OP.

But I think the OP should've linked to her previous thread.

Why would her ex be in care? He’s an adult who lives abroad?

It was clear she was talking about the boys father

Who’s in care, your ex or your son?

OP is a regular poster

“DS hasn't said when the abuse occurred, only that he was smaller but the timing would be fitting if it was during those days”

I don’t think she’s confirmed it’s his father unless I’ve completely misread the text.. is this a second part of something because many people seem to know much more context about this..

@ToKittyornottoKitty