Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my 12 year old daughter's phone away at bedtime

184 replies

AlltheGs123 · 06/11/2025 16:13

I am battling with my 12 yo who is demanding to keep her phone in her bedroom overnight. I am saying that she needs to hand over the phone at 9.30 and it'll go on to charge until morning. All hell is breaking loose - apparently none of her friends parents do this and she sees it as controlling behaviour (!). Am I eroding her trust or am I doing the right thing?

OP posts:
Beamur · 06/11/2025 16:18

Peak age for phone nonsense. Keep firm, it matters not what other parents do.

FartSock5000 · 06/11/2025 16:17

@AlltheGs123 Unless she has given you reason to take it away, let her have it.

12 years olds are old enough to test. Give her the chance to prove that she will be reasonable with it and not be on her phone past bed time. If she then breaks that trust, take it away.

Explain as well that the light on the phone will keep her brain active when she needs to be falling asleep and if she can't show she isn't addicted, the phone will be removed.

thenineteenth · 06/11/2025 16:17

My daughter kept her phone downstairs all the way through school - after a while it was her choice because she wanted to do well in her exams and knew that it would be a distraction and keep her from sleep*.

Presumably you pay for the phone? Then it is not even up for discussion.

*she did at one stage - probably about the same age as your daughter - manage to get onto social media via an ancient kindle we had all forgotten about, so don't think this was an entirely straightforward process...

barskits · 06/11/2025 16:16

You are doing the right thing.

Of course it is controlling - you are her parent and that is what parents are supposed to do. Control their child's behaviour - and also protect them from potential harm.

If she doesn't like it - tough. You pay the bills, you make the rules.

DDivaStar · 06/11/2025 16:16

Yep phone stays in the lounge at night.

JessicaPeach · 06/11/2025 16:16

Same rules here, no phones in bedrooms overnight.

Aliflowers · 06/11/2025 16:15

And you’re arguing with a 12yo why exactly?

Anytime my 13yo likes to inform me of different parenting rules set by her friends parents I remind her I couldn’t give two shiny shites. No phones in bedrooms end of. Not up for discussion

blueluce85 · 06/11/2025 16:15

Your rules or the phone goes!!

billandtedsexcellentadventure · 06/11/2025 16:14

I do it with my 12 year old dd. It’s handed over at 9. Never to be seen until the next morning on her way to school. Those are the rules in my house.