To take my 12 year old daughter's phone away at bedtime

No phones in bedrooms for anyone!

Okay, if you don't have a landline and have someone else vulnerable you're partially responsible for (elderly parent, only just adult child living away who might have an emergency in the night especially if medical issues or driving) then this is difficult.

If there is no reason you'd need to be contactable by phone 24/7 though, or if you have a landline, then no phones for anyone at night. This massively reduces grounds for arguments - you do the same.

Mobile phones in bedrooms are bad for everyone. DH and I leave ours in the living room too (we do have a landline still) and this was the rule for everyone until age 18, nevermind 12!

Our older two are adults now and usually still leave their phones in the living room when here (one still at home full time, one lives away but comes back most weekends) agreeing that sleep quality is better. Obviously no phone rules enforced as adults, but good habits are relatively ingrained.

Internet access off on under 16s phone from 9pm anyway via family link app.

No phones upstairs at all here EVER. I'd let her know the alternative is no phone at all! There are some things worth not backing down on.

No phones overnight here. 13&15 year old dd's in all honesty they don't have their phones in their room (shared) often. If they get a group call or phone call they go upstairs to chat but otherwise use phones in the living room. Dd2 who is 12 almost 13 is the biggest complainer. I've figured it's mainly her age. Her friends are also all allowed their phones at night apparently.

The phones lock down at 10.30 and can be used from 6.30, dd1 is an early bird and they need to use their bus pass just before 7.30. Though they are often off phones from 8.30 if not earlier.

We also have family link that shuts off the phones between 9pm and 6am (when mine get up).

No screens in bedrooms ever.

Many apps like tiktok are blocked. They cant download any app without my permission.
And I regularly look through them.

Controlling my arse! It's just basic common sense.

Rewind
The phone belongs to you because you bought it and continue to pay for it.
She uses it.
Because you are responsible for your daughters welfare, phone use has rules like

• you can check it whenever you want and she has to give you the passcode, if she doesn’t the phone goes.
• out it down an hour before bedtime and it stays charged downstairs- otherwise it goes

It's part of parenting to set rules for their minor kids. Controlling? Yes. Because a 12 year old does not have the judgement to make wise choices and you have to make those choices as a parent.

As she gets older, yes, you give her more freedom as she shows she is ready for it.

YANBU. She's 12. Either she hands over her phone at night or she doesn't get to use a phone at all.

Its a hard no in our house - I have a 13yo. Don't give in.

Ignore your DD protestations that no other parent does this.

With every single one of my rules I am apparently the first and only parent to ever implement them according to my DD 🙄

No phones on bedrooms over night. Not a chance.

and like others have said - no arguing just this is the rule!
also if you haven’t already get some restrictions on it. My sons goes into downtime at 9pm so he couldn’t use it even if he had it. And then she can’t download social media either because that’s another nightmare to deal with.

YABU for even questioning if you should do this or not.

Of course a child shouldn’t have a phone in their room over night.

Stop being scared to parent your child.

Mine is 17 and it's still no phones overnight! He just does it now out of habit

Same here

My 12 year old brings their phone and tablet into my room at 9:30pm and then they read (or go to sleep) until 10pm. Different during weekends or school holidays. But they have no issue with it as it has always been the case and they are used to the routine. And they are always up as soon as their alarm goes off. They had asked a couple of times in the past to have their phone in their room and I just asked them why they wanted it if they’re just going to sleep - they couldn’t give me a good enough argument for it so the phone stays with me at night.

i watched educating Yorkshire recently and there were girls who are on their phones until 2am on TikTok every night and they were zombies at school. One even fell asleep during their exam, I think?

I recently did some policy work
on the area of smartphones and teens, and had to read things that would give any parent nightmares. No child under 16, at minimum, should be having unsupervised phone access/a phone in their room at night. You’re doing the right thing.

She can demand all she likes. If she carried on with that attitude in my house she would lose the phone permanently.
My 13 year olds phone is set to lock at 9.30pm but he doesn't take it to bed anyway.

Ah, the old ‘ but all my friends’… ignore her pleas!
Our 13 & 15 year old still leave their phones and any other devices downstairs to charge and on school nights they shut off at 9pm and 9.30pm respectively anyway.
They have daily time limits for usage. Oh, and they have Snap but no other Social Media.
They are both active, happy kids, with hobbies and good friends and social lives…

stay firm. This is a key time to put rules and habits in place that you stick with. As they get older they need more down time and non-screen time as the demands of school work increase.

My 12 year olds phone locks down at 8.30pm so that if we forget to take it off him at bedtime he can't use it anyway.

I agree. My niece is nearly 11. She has a phone and WhatsApp and a channel on it.

She encourages the link to be sent round to the world and his wife because she is desperate for followers. I don't know what her parents are doing.Or why they're allowing it but it's not for me to interfere in

Allowing a child of that age, a whatsapp channel where the entire world could follow it.If they wanted, isn't asking for trouble.

I don't think children should have phones at all end of. Tell her it could be worse, she could have a mum like me.

The Internet is an adult environment, children shouldn't be on it unsupervised.

You aren't controlling, you're being a good parent.

My 13 year old only has a dumb phone - for emergencies when he is commuting on his own, and no screens between 8pm and 8am.

www.anxiousgeneration.com/

Phones are downstairs at 2130. Kids are 12 & 15.

No upstairs or in bathrooms in our house, it’s a hard rule and it’s in place for their safety. I’m a lot less strict than most of my kids’s friends parents when it comes to screens, but I won’t budge on this one till they’re 16 and have sat their GCSEs.

I used to do it with 17 year old dd as phones are addictive. It’s incredibly hard on the adolescent brain to put them down.

all parents should be doing this.