To take my 12 year old daughter's phone away at bedtime

The fact that she kicked off would make me very suspicious that she’s on it too much and addicted and/or is doing something she shouldn’t be on the phone.

I’d put stricter limits of its use and go through it to see what she’s looking at.

If I had my time with dd again I’d be much stricter with the phone usage and I was pretty strict already!

Definitely no phones overnight, no social media and limits on how much time a day she spends on it.

No phones overnight is a very normal rule for kids this age and older ones too.

Be the adult OP she's just 12 tell her the phone comes out her room or you will cancel the SIM card!

Haven't you got parental control software on it anyway so that you can just lock the phone if she refuses to hand it over? You should have!!!

Mine had a mobile since age 9.

The idea was if it's just sprung on her at 11 then all her peers will be teaching her how they work, badly.

I taught her how it worked and what to avoid and why, and she never had the phone after 9pm (bed time) and so there was no battle when older as that is always how it was and how it will be until 16.

Does she know predators will impersonate young people etc. ? Is she actually aware and keen to avoid?

Until they were finished school, so aged about 17, both my kids knew the no phone in the bedroom rule. You’re doing the right thing

Wow.

When my kids try this crap I just say, "of course darling, I'll just go and fetch you a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of whisky while I'm at it" 🤣

They now recognise at this point that's the code for "don't be bloody ridiculous, Of course you're not having that because it's blatantly bloody bad for you and my job as parent is to enforce boundaries and teach the way and the light" 🤪

They actually just roll their eyes now obviously but at least they don't persist 😂

You are her parent. You make the rules! If you want your DD's mobile handed over at 21:30 then that's what happens. No negotiation.

My 14 year old often pulls ' but Xs Mum lets her do Y". My reply is "yep but I am not letting you" if it is something non- negotiable.

DD's mobile is handed in every night at 21:30 . I expect her to have fully charged it and have it switched off. It then goes in a locked box until she is up and ready and her way to school the next morning.

Does DD think it's fair? No, of course she doesn't, but she does not yet have the capacity to make mature decisions that promote her well being. For example, being up on her phone all night and then too tired to focus properly at school the next day.

Just do it.
You Are The Adult.

'This is not up for negotiation but out of curiosity, what do you want it for during the night?'

uh??? Of course you take it away - why is this even a discussion??

My kids gave me theirs to charge in my room until they were year 11. They dont need it overnight

I have parental controls on that means there’s down time on the phone at bed time. They can keep it in their room but it won’t work.

YANBU. No phones upstairs is the rule for our youngest who is 14.

Absolute no-brainer, you are 100% right to take it away. You should also be checking it regularly.

exacy. She’s 12yo a little nipper. She doesn’t get a say at all. 9:30 is far too late as well

All the people who leave every mobile downstairs...read above ☝️☝️☝️

For your safety have a mobile phone upstairs by your bed!

You should actually have an adult with a phone available to them in bed overnight for emergencies etc.

How will you ring the fire brigade if all your phones are downstairs in the kitchen?

The fire brigade advise this.

Phones live downstairs here, apart from DS1 (aged 18) because he doesn’t share chargers🤣.

Oh yeah, great idea, why not let her hang round the local shops with other early teens at night too. Give her the chance to show she can keep out of trouble and not get exposed to inappropriate behaviour from the kids and adults around her...

No screens in bedrooms here either, phones charge in the kitchen.
1 hour per day for my 12 yr old.

Of course you should take it away at night.

So many mobile phone relationship issues happen overnight.

It's OUTRAGEOUS this even needs to be asked.

You're right, there are a lot of very foolish and irresponsible parents out there who have made this an issue.

Except for special occasions, my 12 year olds phone goes on charge in the kitchen before she gets in the shower each night (roughly 8pm ish).

Don’t become one of those parents who doesn’t supervise their child online. We all know who they are. The ones with the children who are messaging dd at like 3am on a random Wednesday. They have no interests besides being on TikTok. Dd has stopped being friends with them because they literally do nothing but sit on their phones.

My DC weren't allowed any screens in their rooms, at any time until they were 18yo.

One of the (few) decent parenting decisions I made.

You are unreasonable to be "battling" with a child. Of course she shouldn't have her phone!

If she has an iPhone, you can set limits on the apps. So, you could have the phone ‘off’ from 19:00 - 19:00.
Or whatever you like, obviously.