To take my 12 year old daughter's phone away at bedtime

We have a landline upstairs, just not mobiles.

It’s your phone (or whoever bought it and pays the bills). Obviously no 12 year old should have a phone at all over night, YANBU.

My DDs phone goes into downtime at 9.30 and doesnt wake up again until 7.15. The family link app also tells me when she has downloaded something new. I agreed at 14 she could have tiktok. She doesnt have Snapchat or insta. She has a few friends with similar rules and fully accepts them. She has a few friends who have unlimited access to whatever they want but she understands how addictive and damaging it is and doesn't push for more. I think you have to have a very firm close eye on things to start with and losen the controls as they get older/more responsible. Its much harder to try and introduce rules later on once the horse has bolted.

Do you even have to ask? What happened to parenting? There is absolutely no reason for anyone to have their phone in bed whatever their age.

Stick to your rules OP.

Same here, parental controls kick in and he either uses up his 2 hour per day screen time limit or it locks at 9pm. He’s 13 and in year 9. Thankfully accepts it and isn’t bothered by social media.

My 12 almost 13 yo doesn't even have a phone.

Couldn't be doing with these battles.

They're hugely addictive, who can blame them for struggling to hand them over?

Personally I think 9 is too late to be on phone too.

9?

What did she need a phone for at that age?

Seriously, what was she using it for?

Not unreasonable, our 12yo has never been allowed his phone overnight, it stays in the kitchen and charges overnight

I think You'd be mad if you didn't

But set an example by putting everyone's phone to charge together an hour before bed

Even adults find it difficult to avoid doom scrolling and checking their phone before bed etc. I can't imagine a 12 year old having the willpower to ignore messages from friends because it's passed their bedtime

DD16 wasn’t allowed it in her room until when she turned 16. It went on charge downstairs.

She can have a Nokia for a month if that behaviour continues. DS has his phone over night, but charging under his high sleeper and totally and utterly locked down. It’s basically an alarm clock.

id be checking all her social media if you allow that sort of thing.

I salute you all for doing the right thing. Never had an issue with my daughter. Brick phone she still has and her Chrome book regulated. When she goes to college she wants a smart phone and I know she will be sensible as we highlighted issues when she first got a phone
No pics of herself shared or taken at friends, no chatrooms. She doesn't have Facebook, TikTok, Snapchat. She can watch most things on the hubs etc.
Worth reading the Guardian article on Roblox. Data acquisition and monetisation is the goal of many apps

Stand your ground do not let her have it on a trial basis, it is a lot harder to gain the control back .

I tried giving my oldest freedom when she was 16, and all I heard about was, how bad she slept, it was affecting her MH as well, All summer holidays I told her once school started again both her phone and laptop would be in the kitchen to charge by 11pm. Sun-Thurs nights.

The weekend she can do whatever and learn to find her own balance then.

There was a power struggle at the beginning but it is working well now, and she seems a lot happier most mornings.

My younger is 13 and only got a phone for her 13 birthday. She only uses her phone downstairs, and never past 9pm.

The apps are designed to be addictive and keep people on them, it is very hard for kids to manage this on their own.

Went through this phase with my 13 year old. I stood my ground it was HORRIFIC - he was shouting/ fighting with me - hiding the phone.

I am SO glad I stood my ground - I know it would have been easier to back down.

The calmer and stronger you stay - the better things will pan out for you I promise.

be the grown up she needs you to be

I told my son - when you are 25 you would be so angry with me if I let you spend the night on a phone aged 12

Not unreasonable at all. Both mine and DS14 phone go in the kitchen overnight to charge. It’s really unhealthy to be falling asleep scrolling and checking your phone the second you wake up, for everyone, no matter their age.

I'd take the phone full stop or at least down grade it to a brick phone. Doesn't seem like she's mature enough to understand the dangers of a child having constant access to their phone/ the Internet.

Similar for us (15 minutes later in the evenings now DS12 is in Y8 😆). No way would I allow him to have his phone in his room overnight at this age. I also have an issue with him using it past 8pm in general as it makes him wired!

DD is 11, she has hers in her room for the alarm in the morning but parental controls mean the only thing she can do on the phone between 9.30pm and 6.30am is txt or call her emergency contacts (me, dad and nana).

Op you can tell your dd that you know someone (me) who won't even let her dd have a phone at all any time of the day or night when she is 12. Maybe then she won't feel so hard done by anymore.

Op you can tell your dd that you know someone (me) who won't even let her dd have a phone at all any time of the day or night when she is 12. Maybe then she won't feel so hard done by anymore.

8ish for my 11 nearly 12 year old and 9.30ish for my 13 nearly 14 year old. I’m pretty liberal but those are hard rules in our house.

“Hearing the word “no” rescues children from the tyranny of their own desires” (not my quote, no idea where I first heard it, but it has helped when I’ve needed to step up and parent my kids when they’ve objected)

My sons have to hand over their phones every evening. They are 12 and 15. I would be a bad parent if I let them have it overnight because like all teens they are addicted to their phones and they need parental help with setting healthy boundaries. Yanbu @AlltheGs123 and don't listen to the "everyone else yada yada". Some parents don't parent their children- don't be that parent.