Sister has inherited huge wealth. Help

Wait for Christmas and see if she gets you all nice presents?
I have one very rich brother who is entirely self made though, do not expect anything from him! Besides he has children. He is pretty generous and takes us out for lunches etc and I know if we lost our house etc he would step in. But you have no mortgage and sound fine to me. It is all relative?

She needs to see a financial advisor - she’ll have no money left if she keeps on spending as she is….
There’s that statistic about lottery winners, where such a high proportion aren’t millionaires after five years…

Geez that’s hard.

Could you explain that this is difficult for you, not because you are jealous but it feels a bit insensitive and you can’t help but feel she is not thinking about your feelings and that feels shit. The way she is behaving is making it harder for you to be supportive and that in turn makes you feel shit.

From here you could put a boundary in place. You are not telling her what to do, quite the opposite, you are telling her what you will do. When she starts talking about this, you will remind her this feels difficult for you; if she continues, you will change the subject/leave/start talking about Traitors. If you explain in advance and she knows the parameters, she will soon learn.

You are 100% justified in feeling like this by the way and it would not make you a bad person to vent about her if you have someone to do that to. She sounds vulgar and totally lacking in awareness. Ripping the piss with someone else who thinks the same might feel delightful. Or a few ‘well done you’s’ with an indulgent head tilt and patronising smile might do the job

Stop helping her - you don't have time if you're working 2 jobs and she can pay for help now.
I'd stop being available to see her aswell.
I wouldn't want any of her money but I wouldn't be a doormat who has to be impressed whilst she spends thousands on crap and let's her family struggle for basics.
Your kids don't need to be exposed to that either - if you do have to see her tell her to shut her face about her money.

I can't imagine a situation where my sibling or I wouldn't help each other, or our parents, if we came into a £10m windfall.

My brother inherited close to 1.2m from his paternal grandfather, an awful man who had cut our Dad (his son) out of his will following an argument over him trying to hide money to avoid paying for his mothers care. I was never in the will as I'm 'not family', despite my dad raising me from the age of two.

The first thing my brother did when it landed in his account was split it three ways between him, me and our parents. None of us were struggling, it's just the principle.

Having said which, I'm not close to many of my birth family but if be absolutely eating myself with envy if they came into money. Probably because I don't really like them much.

I'd be fascinated to read the sister's side.

Like many people said, I'd want to help out many of my near relations and friends so it's interesting that she doesn't. The relatives that I wouldn't feel really difficult about knowing they had less than me are the ones that let me down or screwed me over, so sod them if they're now 'oh I'm so close to Sardines (now she's minted)'. I'm sure my mother would tell people we were close when I achieved some pretty objectively impressive stuff at work, but she sure as shit wasn't bothered with me back when I was a young struggling single mother and told me all about her new car and holidays whilst never thinking to help out.

Like I say, if you're close and caring as a family, you'd have to be spectacularly odd not to feel the want to do something even small. Like, really pathologically cold. This makes me feel like the family are jolly interested now there's the sniff of something in it for them.

Reading between the lines there seems to be some unpleasant history between your sister and the person whose money this was. It's probably fair to say there's a lot of trauma attached to it.

I don't think it's completely unreasonable for your sister to take some pleasure in blowing a portion of the money (although I wouldn't say a house/car is 'blowing' it per se) in those circumstances. She may see it as a final 'fuck you', payback for whatever it was she experienced or she may feel that by improving the standard of her life she's be able to heal faster and put the past behind her. So that whatever she went through wasn't for nothing.

I also don't think it's unreasonable for you to mention to her at some point that it might be nice of her to help your parents, assuming they had a good relationship prior to the money. Maybe mention a financial advisor too, especially if she has kids she wants to make provisions for and isn't used to dealing with wealth.

As for you, she'll either take the hint when you mention your parents or she won't. If she doesn't, I don't think it'd be unreasonable for you to ask for help with something specific (mortgage, CC debt etc) that you're struggling with, but just asking for a share probably won't go down well.

@99bottlesofkombucha - what you said - spot on.

Tbh it's her money yes you might be struggling most people are but it's not really on her to support you though

@malificent7 £10 million might take a while to get through

i actually suspect 'inherited' might be the wrong wird anyway & she's got the money because her husband (wife?) has died.
People blathering in about her being selfish or whatever need to poor down & consider her state of grief. She's needs HELP emotionally & financially.

Try reading the thread 🙄

Well if she is spending like a fool it will be gone soon.

Innocently and warmly ask her if she fancies helping mum dad and your sister?

I'd probably tell her she needs to have some class. Showing off wealth is vulgar and tacky.

Splashing the cash around like she’s won the lottery is hardly a good look either

Why do they have their hands out at all? Why is OP expressing disappointment in her sister not giving her/her children what she thinks should be given? Is that how we treat people we love?

She may not have liked the man, but he was the father of her child/children. Her focus is of course going to be on them.

Thoughts and prayers

I don't understand this, you say you are close but haven't trusted your relationship to simply articulate how you feel. She may not be thinking of the affect of this on you / your family at all but that doesn't mean if you let her know it will lead to doom. It sounds like low level resentment will destroy your relationships if you do not voice it

Apparently not. If the OP's posts are showing up for you it's worth reading them. I couldn't see them before I posted ! Assumed the same, but it's not the case.

I'm very sorry to hear you are grieving. It's awful isn't it xx

FFS YOURSELF.

No I didn't read that because MN is playing up for me tonight. It was showing no more OP posts after her first one.

@Hidinginthelootoo

I hope you can navigate your way through this without losing the relationship with your sister. Xx

This
I wouldn't be envying, I'm grieving myself at the moment and I bet she'd rather the person was still there with them than "having lots of money"

@AmberRose86
I think we can agree that most people would help their parents financially if they were wealthy. This thread might be a wind up but if not, the sister’s oblivious behavior towards her parents is odd (unless they have a bad relationship).

@99bottlesofkombucha I agree that it’s sad when family members take advantage of each other. I haven’t experienced this and feel sorry for people who do.

Ha, me?
My sister will inherit (via marriage) a shit ton. She owes me nothing. It will be her in-law's money and nowt to do with me.

I’m sorry your relationships are like that.