Sister has inherited huge wealth. Help

Multi millions and she didn't give her parents a bung ???

I wouldn't be able to bring myself to ask for money but I'd point out how much your parents are struggling and say something like 'I wish I could help but can't even afford ...'
Some people are totally oblivious to others struggling. I would love to win £1,000,000 and buy my sister's and mam and dad a house. Nothing fancy but they would buy me too.

Perhaps she's living a fantasy she's been wanting to explore and living the life she's always dreamt of or perhaps she's using it as a coping mechanism buying materialistic things to fill a very real void. If I was in your shoes I would simply ask her if she's doing ok . Money comes , money goes but it can make or break relationships I understand it's difficult for you and she's very clearly throwing it in your face but I suspect it's her way of masking what is really going on a 300k splurge is a very show off and garish thing to do but it's always a very expensive cry for help . With all the money she could probably do with some real human interaction. I understand you need someone there for you but being there for her sounds extremely important right now . Your kindness despite not having a lot could very well change her attitude to the situation and potentially open her mind to financially helping you . Your bond will be stronger and you will both be happier i understand it's hard watching someone thrive when you yourself are on hard times but a big green garden isnt impressive if it's filled with weeds.

My sister exactly the same. Mum and dad struggling. I was struggling as a single parent. She never helped anyone. She's a disgrace.
Just avoid the self centered cow from now on. It will make you feel better. She probably won't notice as so self absorbed

I can't believe most of the comments on here! I'm not suggesting the sister is right in how she behaves however, I wouldn't judge her until i've heard her side of the story. I can't only speak for myself. I come from a family of 8, the youngest actually. Dad was quite wealthy and my eldest siblings had the best growing up. Unfortunately, dad died when I was 9. All of them have literally not attempted to make anything of themselves. Spent their youths in nightclubs, partying away, holidaying etc. I on the other hand was determined not to end up like them. Went to university and the rest is history. I've now acquired a very comfortable lifestyle whereas the rest of them are still in very low paid jobs or on benefits. I've assisted all of them financially over the years but they they would just spent it all on alcohol etc. I currently support my elderly mum with a monthly allowance and pay gardener and cleaners weekly. Yet they all still bemoan the fact that I do not help them. I can't see what more I can do to assist. My sister lived with me rent and bills free for 4 years at one point. I asked her to save most of her income so she can put down as deposit to buy a house of her own. 4 years later, when she left, she had no penny to her name. I've recently taken early retirement and i'm eventually starting to enjoy the fruits of my labour eg, travelling first and business class to holiday destinations with my husband and children. When they found out, it was hell for me! Just saying, please listen to both sides of the story. Perhaps she's not bragging to you about spending £300k, perhaps she's just living her best life and you happen to see her Facebook posts or WhatsApp posts. Please be happy for your sister and try to make a better life for yourself instead of envy

You mean "rein" it in, as in controlling a horse. To reign is to rule over subjects, like a King or Queen.

Maybe show your caring side and ask her how she is feeling. Maybe her spending is distracting her from the painful circumstances in which she inherited. Maybe if she spent some of the money on supporting her own mental and physical health it might help everyone. Perhaps you could suggest professional therapy or other supportive services to help her manage the sadness.

A sibling won a life changing amount of money. They did help out their step kids and bought a new home. It hasn't changed them at all still as miserly with money as he was before, it's a shame really they are not enjoying the money but they can't change the habit of a lifetime. Still buy yellow stickers in supermarkets 😂

Just tell her that while you are happy that she is in a financially secure position, you'd prefer it that she did not keep showing you what she's bought and how much she's spent as you find it it really disheartening as you and the rest of the family are struggling to get by.

I idly wonder how long it would be before assorted people I share DNA with suddenly decide that they were wondering how I am. And how long it would take for the ex to fetch up at my workplace.

I'd give about 24 hours to allow for them planning a sob story or suitably emotive whine about how I was given 'thousands' - ie, eighty quid when I had my bag stolen in 1994 to tide me over until payday - and that it was time for me to make amends for that noble sacrifice that I paid back weeks later.

We only have the OP's word for it that her sister isn't grieving. Anyone I've known who has a difficult relationship and one has died, whereas they may be relieved, but there are also very complex feelings around it. There is still a grieving process to go through.

And the spending money, I don't think the Op has made any attempt to present it as any way other than their side.
"She's spent £300k in one day" was clearly presented to make her sister look unreasonable. But it turns out it was on a holiday house and a sports car - she could have easily spent several time messaging that on those things.

We had a small inheritance from dh's grandma. We had the kitchen done and the windows. Maybe people thought we were flaunting... But we'd not been able to afford any improvements on the house before. The kitchen was 40 years old and the single glazed wooden framed windows were similar age.
Maybe she's just doing the homework improvements that really could have done with being done 20 years ago but she didn't have the money

I suspect the sister's side would be very different

This is why relationships easily become almost impossible to navigate. The sister’s life has totally changed out of nowhere, she’s likely in shock and has only just started to adjust to her new reality. She’s naturally going to be talking to those she’s closest to as she gets her own head around it. It may genuinely not have occurred to her that her sister feels resentful about it. Yes, she’s focused on herself here, but no more or less than OP is. They’re both having to adapt, and if the relationship is going to survive then grace needs to be extended by both.

If OP asks about what she’s been doing, chances are that the money will directly or indirectly be referenced. Every conversation becomes littered with landmines, out of nowhere. Been on holiday? Flaunting the money. Purchased a house? Flaunting. Done anything that’s costs money? Flaunting. Suddenly, she’s being viewed in the worst possible light when all she’s doing it engaging in what she’s always known to be normal conversation.

10 Million is a game-changer. If I had come into that sort of money, I'd share the wealth with my immediate family and a couple of good friends. not enough so they'd never work again, but mortgage and debts would be a thing of the past.

But that's what I would do, and I very much appreciate that we're all different. Perhaps a quiet word with your sister, saying how pleased you are with her newfound wealth, but it's a bit hard to be super excited while you're struggling.

The family dynamic is forever changed, sadly.

I think that’s a very good response too - unless of course OP does really think ‘I would like some of that’

Agreed. And his situation was not analogous.

In a situation where the DSis was actually separated from the deceased and parent of his child, I think in her position it would be appropriate to regard the money as essentially held on trust for the child, albeit that the child's lifestyle with the mother will be of benefit to them.

I'd wait for Christmas op - or until the invested portion (am I being too hopeful here!) starts to generate an income that enriches them too. To me that extra step of dissociation from the actual corpus of the bequest makes it more appropriate for the Dsis to treat it as something to gift on.

Yes, this is actually creating fog and not really doing the op any favours.

The op's main issue is having her face rubbed in it.

I can agree that is wrong of the DSis without accepting it is appropriate for her to distribute more widely what, from my perspective, is her child's inheritance.

That's up to the sibling yes but it doesn't fall on the person who has money to be forced to feel guilty and have to give money we all have our opinion and thats mine

Are you not close enough to your sister to ask her not to flaunt it? Surely a message saying something like:

“Hi sis. I am really pleased for you and niece no longer having to worry about money. But I’d be grateful if you could be a little more tactful. As you know, money is tight for us and mum and dad so it’s a bit hard to take at the moment. I love you and don’t begrudge you the money, but things are tricky for the rest of us financially so maybe you could just cool it with talking about what you are spending for a while please?”

ETA: btw OP, I think how you are feeling is perfectly human and you shouldn’t beat yourself over it. I couldn’t imagine getting that much money and not helping my sibling and parents. I know they would do the same too. But I guess it depends on family dynamics.

You don't know if they were good parents or not. If they weren't, I wouldn't give them anything.

Ooh that’s a difficult one, yanbu I would feel the same but actually saying something does then make it sound a bit grabby . I would just I think see how it goes - I might say ‘had you thought about buying mum and dad a holiday or a new sofa or bed’ or something like that

The OP hasn’t got her hands out at all and there’s no indication that others in the family do either. She just wants her sister to stop rabbiting on about the money.

It’s posters on the thread who are saying that the sister should use some of her inheritance to help her family.

@Cherrysoup Come on - if this is true then she is very obviously after money. She said it herself, talking about money for her kids.

No equivalence. Your brother wasn't married to the deceased and didn't have children of the deceased to provide for.

Who are all these people that inherit millions of pounds and have the kind of families that think “I’ll stick that up on Mumsnet”.

If she is mostly unaware, why don't you create a win-win solution where you ask her to help the family and let her be the good guy? Once she realises, she might be happy to be generous, and everyone can benefit and keep good relationships