Sister has inherited huge wealth. Help

Why would you hate yourself for having completely justified and understandable feelings about this situation? She sounds completely self-absorbed and uncaring, and of course it feels horrible to watch her spend money on stuff she doesn't need when the rest of you are struggling. Has she always been like that? I would have an honest conversation with her, suggest she helps your parents with some money, and tell her you don't want to hear about her luxury purchases while you're worrying about covering basic expenses.

The problem is that when you get huge amounts of wealth like that it is hard to deal with.

All the people you know who are friends are normally people with the same lifestyle and normally pretty much the same money.

Then all of a sudden you are projected into a different world. And yes she probably doesn't realise the impact it has on the rest of you, because she is so self absorbed with the whole thing. She'll have her fast car and her massive house, but probably no one who wants to talk to her.

Ultimately she will have to learn to manage that disparity in wealth more diplomatically or probably seeing her old friends/family less. And that to her in itself might be quite frustrating, because part of the benefit of having significant wealth is being able to share your enjoyment of it.

If it really is huge amounts of money it is very sad she can't at least consider her immediate family as well. That said, even if you end up with relatively large amounts of money by the time the second cousins are turning up asking for their handout it can shrink from being a lot to not very much at all pretty quickly.

There is not a chance I would inherit that kind of money and not sort out my sisters and parents.

Personally I’d say something to her about not wanting to hear about her spending, that you’re struggling, and whilst it’s not her job to give you money it’s not sisterly to be so inconsiderate about your feelings.

How come one sibling (your sister) got a MASSIVE inheritance but no-one else in the family did @Hidinginthelootoo ?

Jesus... that's got to be difficult to watch.

Is it possible it's just not occurred to her thqt it might be nice to do something for family?

No real advice but i'd be nice and angle for a week or two in the holiday home each year.
At least that saves you £££ on holidays...

The message she would give her sister is give me cash or I’ll stop talking to you.

I wouldn’t see that as a loss tbh. Be cutting off money grabbers.

Oh stop. It's a perfectly normal and understandable way to feel, more understandable than this comment.

This. I literally cannot imagine a scenario where I would spend spend spend hundreds of thousands and watch my immediate family struggle. That's horrible.

Sports car and a holiday home isn’t exactly frittering it away. Just tell her you don’t want to talk about the money.

How does she sound awful.

i wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if I’d inherited literal millions and sat back and watched my siblings and parents work multiple jobs and trying to keep their families fed and warm.

And if one of my siblings treated me like this it would really hurt.

She dose not sound like a great sister! There's no way I could flaunt my wealth when I know my sister and parents are struggling - money cant buy you love or family . Stop contacting her and she should get the message .

How long since she got the money?

a holiday home is not really spending. It’s an asset she can sell again if needed.

when I got divorced I did give my kids money for a house deposit but it took me about a year to get my financials all sorted - buy own house, fix own house, make will, talk to parents/other relatives.

You mentioned sad circumstances in your OP, could your sister be consumed by grief and not really thinking clearly at the moment?

Both my MIL and a close friend (who was widowed suddenly in traumatic circumstances) made some out of character purchases whilst in the depths of their respective grief. They were both left financially comfortable, so to outsiders it could have appeared to be completely extravagant. In MIL’s case she was just trying to keep alive the memories of enjoyable holidays with FIL by buying a (modest) holiday home. In my friend’s case, she was seeking relief from the pain and grief through retail therapy.

It must be hard to watch the extravagance whilst things are so tough for your parents, sibling and yourself. However if your sister has always been a loving sister this could be a temporary mind shift due to her grief, pain and loss?

Also it’s easy to spend someone else’s money or the idea that if you had 10 million your do this or do that. Most of us if it landed in our bank accounts wouldn’t come the cash is actually sat there

I wouldn’t tell a soul personally and I wouldn’t want family members grabbing over it and expecting it from me

One of the joys of a giant windfall would be running around doing good at top speed.

Yes, I would probably upgrade to a nicer property and maybe a better car than my 13-year-old Ford. And I would travel the globe.

But most of it would be spent helping people, funding animal rescue/welfare, buying up property to turn it into wildflower/insect/wildlife sanctuary, etc.

It's unfathomable to me to just go on an endless shopping spree without helping family and friends, at least.

So her separated husband died. She inherited his money and they shared a child. A child who I assume would be quite a custom to dads lifestyle and the shared one before they split.

I couldn’t moan knowing my sister while now rich has a grieving child who won’t ever get to see their dad again. Sure she’s suddenly splurging but the money is new and possibly some of her spends are exciting for the child as well.

Also you don’t know she’s not grieving just because she doesn’t show it, that was her husband she loved at one point and was her child’s father.

She may also despite spending on houses and cars and getting use herself see it as her child’s money long term so not hers to give away. The house and car if it still runs will become her child’s the car will drive her child around.

As long as she’s put a lot of it to one side for the child also, I’d just think she married lucky but also sad because ultimately she’s loaded because her child’s dad died.

Well to be fair, investing in property is not ‘spending’ in the strictest sense

Other than that, I have much less sympathy now we know how she’s come by the cash.

The truth is op, the money isn't really for you or your parents.

It is really up to her to use it for the child, in the circumstances ie; that they separated for a reason.

If you tackle it, I think that's how I'd do it.

You do sound awful. I wouldn’t give you any money either. I would give some to the parents though, assuming she has a good relationship with them.

Dsis - love you pleased you have got good fortune - but you are being rather tackless to rest of us.

Also we're worried your going though a lot of money - just make sure you and your DC have taken long term financial advice.

Then if nothing changes - see her less or do activties - day out etc when you do so it's not all about her spending.

Surely that money should be their child’s - she sounds awful.

I would say something like - while I’m happy for you please stop talking about it because I’m struggling.