Sister has inherited huge wealth. Help

I’d give my parents and siblings the clothes on my back. We want only good things for each other.

But this attitude of entitlement and “it’s not faaaaaaair!”
would absolutely put me off helping to be fair.

Yeah I 100% would. 5 million is enough to last a life time and set your kids up, it’s not enough to keep you sisters, your nephews and nieces, your parents and anyone else who suddenly feels entitled to your money in a comfortable life. I’d personally would help my parents but that would be my decision and my DW who has a different relationship with her parents probably wouldn’t, and that’s fair enough

I'm lucky. DH had his own businesses &, when he sold them as going concerns, we are very well off and there is plenty in trust funds for our DGCs.

My brother has never had much money - partly because of poor choices of partners who have taken him to the cleaners.

When our parents died & we both inherited about £300k each, frankly I didn't need their money so gifted my brother's 2 children £200k each in a trust fund, the rest has gone into our GC's trust funds.

Changing my mind here...since the money eventually would go to my child, I wouldn't give any to extended family (like cousins) nor give LOTS to charity, but I would give some to charity each year, and I would give some to my parents and a struggling sister. Since there are multimillions, enough for the sister's grandchildren not to work, I think some could be spared.

If you inherit this kind of money from a spouse, presumably you set up a trust so that the money benefits many future generations. Like the Middleton kids, who went to Marlborough via a trust that was sent up generations before, by a very wealthy ancestor who put money in trust for the education of her descendants.

What if he left you 5 million (for example) and your poor sister is working herself in to the ground with 2 jobs and still struggling to make ends meet? You’d still be comfortable with that would you?? I’m glad you’re not my sister 😂

I can’t believe people think the sister has done anything wrong, and not OP and her parents for slagging her off for not giving them any money.

I don’t know why you view this as a lottery win when it was her husbands money

Of course it’s not! By the sounds of things it’s lottery level money. Would honestly see your parents continue to worry about putting the heating on or whatever? Would your children want that for their grandparents?? I’m astonished that anyone could be so cold.

How much has she ‘inherited’ & is it through bereavement?

Hiding multiple millions? How odd.

If this is true, it’s perfectly reasonable to ask her to have a bit of sensitivity. It would be completely unreasonable to ask for money- it’s not a lottery win for heaven’s sake. And surely everyone who buys a house spends a huge sum in one day?

Yes! I would love to give everyone some money to help, I even have some ex students who I would love to buy a little house for as they struggle so much now

How very vulgar, (your sister, that is).

I can’t imagine how self-absorbed a person must be not to realise just how crass they’re being, and I’d definitely judge someone who wouldn’t help the family that they’re close to.

In a situation like this, there is nothing you can do to change the situation. It is natural to feel unsettled that you are angry inside at the injustice of it.

sometimes life happens, don't fight the feelings, nor the situation. I wouldn't contact your DSis at the moment. Take control, give yourself permission to feel the way you do, sit with it for a while and gradually you'll come to terms with it.

dont wish for any money. That's damaging. Whatever she gives you will feel like an insult, if she has inherited £MMMM, she had her moment to be generous, clearly she doesn't feel the need - anything now will make her feel like she's being dragged kicking and screaming, and will make things worse.

If I won money the first things I'd do is give to my loved ones. What's up with your sister?

"I'm so happy you're able to buy all these lovely things, but I must admit it is hard to listen to when I'm struggling to pay the mortgage. Would you mind reigning in the money talk when we're together?"

Estranged wife.
who got the money by virtue of a will that hadn’t been updated. Legally it’s hers…morally at least half isn’t imo

I mean my sister married a dentist and they have money coming out of their ears. I do not want nor expect any handouts from her, and I am happy for her good fortune and happy marriage 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes, I know that's what the OP's sister spent it on, but another poster said she spent the same in one day, too.

You’re allowed to feel resentment.
She’s allowed to spend (waste?) the money as she sees fit.
She’s allowed to exclude you from her spending spree. She doesn’t owe you anything.
She’s allowed to change with the money.
You’re allowed to distance yourself if the money changes her into someone you don’t find pleasant.
I couldn’t imagine not sharing such good fortune though.

I agree with this. It’s batshit.

But it's not the child's money, is it, because it was left to the wife.

Why don't you read the OP's explanations?

Very mean of her not to share her good fortune.

Don't get drawn into a long conversation or any sort of drama about it, but do tell her, bluntly, that she must never, ever go on about her spending to people who have less than she does. It is crass, insensitive, and likely to make people feel much worse about their lives. The only time she should mention money to you (or anyone poorer than her) is to tell you the amount of the large cash gift she is giving you.

Say all that, once, clearly, then tell her to shut up every time going forward.
Grief does not give her a free pass to trample all over other people.

If I inherited millions I’d be spending extravagantly too, I also wouldn’t be being discreet, although I wouldn’t be giving anyone a breakdown of my spending but if I’m going on holiday, purchase a holiday home or a new car I’m not going to keep stuff secret. I don’t think that’s being dickish. But I understand your jealousy.

I’d help my parents out as I worry they won’t have enough money for retirement but I’d not be sharing the wealth with my siblings because where does it end, will there be cousins, nieces and nephews etc who will suddenly think that because I have money I should be easing their financial burden? I do my best to treat my nieces and nephews as I earn an ok wage and my brothers are on benefits, but if I got millions I wouldn’t be the family bank.

I also would be incredibly jealous and resentful if I saw either of my siblings inherit such a wealth. It’s completely normal to feel that way. But I also think the way she’s reacting is completely normal so I don’t think pp are fair saying she’s being a dick. Unless she’s coming to you rubbing it in your face, then I think you just need to get used to the new normal. Also she was married to this man, she has children with him so I don’t know why you feel like it’s undeserved.