Sister has inherited huge wealth. Help

With 1- 3 million you’d do all that? You’d not have much change in London & home counties.

We don’t know how much it is…

Is she rubbing your noses in it ? As in..." Ooo look what I bought today "
I think I'd be tempted to leave the room if she was that tactless

Exactly - stewardship, so they don't come into it too early.

‘Gently, sis, and I’m not asking for anything, but could you please stop going on about how much you’re spending? You might not realise, but while we’re really happy for you, going on about how much you’ve spent in a day is a bit much, particularly when we’re working our arses off to stay afloat.’ Can’t you say something to her if you’re close?

Given you’re close, I’d be surprised if she took that poorly. I must say, my first action would be to pay off my sister’s mortgage/debts then sort out my cousins, all of whom have ordinary jobs/mortgages/dc.

Winning the lottery isn't inheriting.

She's not the Queen.

How much has she inherited? What’s life changing? 3-5 million not same as 10 plus perhaps?

Imagine there are those in London etc that have a net worth of 3-5 mil & wouldn’t routinely sub family. I know those with greater wealth than 5 mill that have ‘only’ loaned money to struggling other family members.

I think I would just ask your sister to think of others @Hidinginthelootoo

I am going to be paid a large sum for founding a company with a bunch of youngsters 5 years ago. I initially helped them for free. My parents are dead and my siblings mortgage free. I haven't been so fortunate due to repeat caring duties to our parents. I also housed them for 18 years. My siblings did nothing so I won't give them any monetary gifts however I will help their children. One is very hard up. She cares for me now I'm seriously ill.
We reap what we sow.

I will be telling no one when I get my cheque. I previously won a large sum in 2000 and boy I never had so many friends and family. Fwiw it didn't last long!

Was this a very recent thing? If so, cut her some slack for now. Grief is a funny thing.
You do sound like you're expecting money, but ultimately unless it's tens of millions, it won't go far if she starts spreading it out and it should primarily be for her DC. But she might well come round once she has settled into it more.
You can obviously ask her to be more sensitive though.

My sister and I have always been close and I cannot imagine sitting with millions in the bank while she struggles along. That’s so selfish. Would be different if we didn’t get along I suppose. I’ve never had a life changing sum of money but I’ve always imagined I’d share it with family and friends before I started spending it. It would be interesting to hear your sister’s perspective.

Yes I agree its legally hers.

But I don't she can, in good faith, believe that he wanted her to have it to splash about on her wider family, when they have a child. I think the fairly obvious assumption is, as you say, stewardship - possibly so the child didn't come into great wealth too early, or possibly for her to provide for the child and herself but as part of her lifestyle as the mother.

And the fact the child can't technically stop her doesn't make that any less the correct course in my eyes.

YANBU to feel upset about her seemingly boasting about her money. It does seem rather tone deaf considering you are struggling.

But YABU too. She didn't win the lottery, she inherited the money. The money was left to her, not you or your parents.
And if she did help you and your parents out, then where would it stop?
I would also hazard a guess that the family of her ex DH may be giving her grief about not sharing her newly found wealth and putting their hands out too, especially if she only inherited because he had not got around to changing his will.

I had a friend like this. Nowhere near the same scale, but she landed an incredibly well-paying job at a time when all the rest of our friendship group were still struggling. She'd flag taxis everywhere which we couldn't afford but felt we should contribute to, she'd order lavishly in restaurants and then we'd all split the bill, she'd buy absolute shite for a fortune when we were worried about how to pay utilities. I couldn't understand how she became so totally unaware of the people around her and thew disparity. It created a bit of a rift, if I am honest.

"I'm really happy you're enjoying this money but I'm struggling quite a bit financially and it kind of feels like having it rubbed in my face when you tell me all about your new sports car. Hearing you talk about spending money makes me remember how anxious I feel about my finances at the moment. Can we keep the talking about money to a minimum please?"

Honestly, you shouldn't have to, it's really crass to boast about your money, especially when you've decided not to be generous.

I don’t think you should feel guilty for being jealous or resentful and anyone who wouldn’t feel like that must be a saint. I couldn’t enjoy spending all that money while my family struggled.

How recently did she come in to the money?

how long was she married to the ogre?

This happened to my FIL's sister and she wasted it all within a few years. Absolutely galling for everyone else!

Picking up on people saying her sister should share. I think if I won the lottery and it was a substantial amount, I would pay off my siblings mortgages and cover the things they need now, and any nieces and nephews would get trust funds along with my children. I would do that with no thought at all. Atm my siblings and I all have adequate lives where money isn't a big problem so these things would be on top of what we already had.
If I inherited money from an ex that was a parent of my child, I think that my first priority would be to decide what my children needed first. I think inheriting is different from doing something like the lottery and there is a responsibility to make sure you child is covered for as much as they can be like uni, house deposits etc.....

In no circumstances though is bragging ok and you should think about other people's feelings, If you an do small things to help you should.

If I came into multi millions I would make sure family members were comfortable.

I really sympathise OP and would have to say something. Even if it's as basic as "Could you not keep going on about the stuff you've bought when I/we are struggling for money. It's insensitive."

I'd straight up ask her to help her family out 😭😭😭

Yabu sorry. Ask and go from there

But it's not though, is it? If he left it to his wife, its hers. Obviously you'd hope she'd steward it well for the benefit of future generations, but it's hers, which means she can do what she wants with it. MANY people don't believe in leaving vast wealth to their children, anyway.

I think it's sad that she's not helping your parents out, at the very least. Very sad.

I can't imagine ever doing this to my family.
I often think about what I'd do if I won the lottery (multi millions) and my first 2 things would be buy a house for my sister and buy a house for my mum. I could never have that kind of wealth and not make sure that my close family members were financially secure.

This is one of those "its not what you say, its how you say it" moments.

Say that you love her and are happy for her but would she mind keeping her spending a bit more to herself when she knows that the rest of the family are struggling and its quite tactless to flaunt it. Make it clear that you dont expect her to share the money, but that it could cause some real upset if she keeps showing it off.

Although it sounds like she will end up like one of those bankrupt Lottery winners spending it at that rate. I seem to remember one who went from £10m ish to bankrupt in a few years. I think I would start the conversation by asking what investment advice she is recieving to make sure that the money works for her and lasts her whole life.

If you're that close a family, she would have helped you out financially already? It's odd that she is not giving a bit of financial help to your parents, even if she doesn't want to give siblings anything? As she'll maybe inherit it back from the parents too?