Sister has inherited huge wealth. Help

If you bother to read the OPs posts you would know the answer to this!

No its not quite that,

What OP observed was that her Dsis often lacks an ability to read between the lines. That is common with people on the spectrum - as opposed to what you suggest which is sheer selfishness.

This is peak MN. Someone not sharing newly gained wealth must be "on the spectrum".
So many arm chair shrinks on here. You should all get a job in the real world and shrink the MH waiting lists.

If that's the case, it's a good idea to explain, matter-of-factly without emotion. So she can understand others a bit better.

I think so too op. At the very least she might get the hint to shut up!

OP

She has always been a bit lacking in emotional intelligence and reading between lines. I think if she took a test she may be on the spectrum somewhere, I feel this is the problem, she can't see what is happening behind people's smiles.

If that's the case, it's a good idea to explain, matter-of-factly without emotion. So she can understand others a bit better.

This is true for autistic people in all sorts of situations, incidentally! If someone doesn't get hints or have the ability to read between the lines, it's the kindest and most helpful thing all round to explain.

she may think because you have no mortgage or debt you are in a good financial position

just speak to her - she may not want to look patronising but giving you money

Op I've gone carefully back through your posts and what you say is true, you haven't said you expect any of the money - other than mentioning a sum for nieces and nephews. I think when you painted the financial situation of your families it came across as implied, an impression reinforced when other posters started saying how they would be showering it around.

I do understand that having it rubbed in your face would be hard, and I sympathise with that. I think it does sound a bit as though your Dsis is a bit lacking in awareness, and for that I feel for you.

I do, however, think the money rightly belongs in her immediate family. It is her son's father who has died.

It may be that if she herself invests it wisely and generates an income that starts to be a more appropriate stream to help family with in the sense that she has built it, but the bequest itself I think is rightly preserved for the deceased's real heirs and beneficiaries. It may be that something comes your way from that income stream (so long as she invests enough!)

I hope that thought is helpful as much as anything - in that it maybe helps see her as less mean-spirited from your perspective.

As someone said, unless from money or inherited prior, & he’s middle management that’s v good financial planning.

That’s a very good point. Presumably your sister lived a good life at one point before? Or middle management & the high net worth total shock? If separated & he’d forgotten to change Will, OP it might be contested?

No because he hid it and most likely would have kept the lot had he survived their divorce if the OPs sister had no idea about it.

eh? Even at a modest 4% return you would be making £400k a year off £10million, leaving the capital untouched. That could last quite a while…

He had investments that paid out.

So presumably she was already wealthy if she was married to such a wealthy man?

Well money isn't everything. It seems there's already a rift forming between her and her family. No money is going to be able to repair that. Be careful to remember what is important here.

I think you need to be honest with her. Just say I’m happy for you but I’m struggling and I don’t want it to turn to resentment as I really love you.

Saw op other posts. A rich deceased ex.husband

How long ago did her husband die?

IME the very wealthy live conservatively almost frugally for some & wouldn’t think 10 odd mil the amount you’d consider helping out across the board except in dire circumstances. There are those in that bracket that effectively can’t afford to do necessary repairs on small country pad. School fees etc too. Everything is on the down low, they travel by tube etc. They ski & have a decent summer hol.

Prob why they stay rich. As some say if we knew how much others really had they’d be a revolution.

Probably medico-legal settlement. Given the circumstances are reported to be sad
I really don’t think it’s appropriate for posters to denigrate a woman who’s cash rich but probably in emotional turmoil

At that rate she will spend it all.

I think id have to avoid her after this. She sounds selfish and materialistic. She will probably fall into a depression once the money has gone.

I would approach it from the point of view of her helping out her/your parents. She may genuinely not be aware they are struggling. Could you gently point out how it makes them feel and maybe she could go out of her way to help with one specific thing (repairs? New car? new kitchen?).

OP if she’s always been unaware of other’s emotions then you can definitely be more blunt about how this lands with you - she just isn’t seeing this from anyone else’s pov. And for that reason, don’t feel bad about the way you feel and don’t take it personally (easier said than done, I know).

I have a similar dynamic with my brother - in my last chat with him, he literally listed the holidays he and his family have been on this year (so far) with a “we’ve been very restrained this year” it was - Skiing, Paris, Turkey, Disneyland, more skiing… I had one week in Norfolk with my in-laws!!

YANBU xx

Absolutely and no-one's in any doubt about that. But you don't have to say yes do you. Sadly I think your aunt was a bit of a soft touch. Anyway, with £10 million in the bank I doubt that the OP's sister has to worry about begging work colleagues.

I cannot imagine the thought process of a person like this who would not want to share this vast amount of money with their family.

When I fantasise about winning the Euromillions one of the first things on my list would be to make sure my mum, my sister and my lovely in laws would be given large gifts of money - surely that is one of the greatest pleasures of being very wealthy?

Come on this sounds silly. She’s now got £10m+ yet you’re living hand to mouth and YOURE helping her out for free. Your wringing your hands that she doesn’t notice and don’t want a handout yet you’d like her to notice and think. To be honest I think you sound a bit too hard to read and I suspect you’ve told her directly you don’t want anything and she’s taken you verbatim. Stop being so pious and proud and ask her to share her good fortune