Sister has inherited huge wealth. Help

She’s struggling with no mortgage or rent. I find her idea of struggling somewhat different to most so take it with a large pinch of salt frankly.

Not even his own child is grieving him. Read the OP's posts.

Is she usually unaware of others around her? Do you think she’s grieving and so it’s hard for her to think objectively?

If it’s a partner rather than a parent in law who has died I would imagine she could be really struggling and maybe behaving out of character? Really difficult for you and your parents to witness both her sadness and apparent disregard for your situations.

She’s struggling. Her parents are struggling. Her sister has over ten million.

Why wouldn’t she feel jealous?!!

Such a shit thing to watch people you supposedly love work their arses off when you could help with pretty much no impact on your own wealth.

I know you're not asking her for money but I can't believe she's not giving you any. When I inherited (a much much smaller amount) the first thing I did was give my mum ten percent and so did my sibling.

I do feel for you and your parents.
If I had that sort of money I would definitely help my family out.
Tbh, I think it’s incredibly selfish that she doesn’t.

Just explain that you're struggling financially and while you're happy for her and so sorry she had a loss (presumably) could she just be mindful of your circumstances that aren't likely to change so drastically and could she just not talk as much a out money and spending.

I think you need to say something like - i’m sorry for your loss and I’m sure it’s a shock and a difficult time. However, it’s very challenging for me to heard about your spending when money is so tight for me. I don’t want your money, rather I want you to stop talking about what you are spending.

When someone comes into money, there is also someone telling them how they can spend it.

You sound jealous.

This.

On this sort of thread people fall over themselves to say how if it was them in that situation then they'd support everyone and give their whole family a windfall. It's so easy to spend imaginary money and be generous with someone else's.

But in real terms most people would think of their little family first. Especially if they'd had a tough time together for the last few years and there isn't going to be more money coming along the lines later.

And I suspect that most people who think "if only she'd just paid my dc £100k each, how happy I'd have been", if she had done that, they'd have been moaning how mean she was for "only" giving them that much and keeping much more.

She's clearly had a pretty miserable time, as have her dc before now, so she's enjoying herself. Lovely. Isn't that nice? Especially for those who love her and know how bad it's been.

And she's not buying sports cars and holiday homes every day is she? So saying she spent £300k in a day is not really looking at the situation. I mean, how much did you pay for your house? You spent that amount in one day too.

She should be using the money to invest for her dc and herself first and foremost. That is what the money is for. And if my siblings were in that situation, it wouldn't occur to me that they would give me or my dc some. It's their's and for their future.

She didn’t know he was effectively a secret multi millionaire until he died. He hadn’t changed Will & had bio kids not with OP I think (?)

A lot hinges on when he died.

Was she very comfortably off before? Sounds like an astonishing shock & change.

Her ex DH died and had investments that she did not know about, hence the large and surprise inheritance.

This can't be real.

But surely she'd always have had money if it was from her husband

I think it was helpful - and can see how you meant it.

It you are financially savvy then everything she purchased would have been offset to be paid via the interest not using her capital but it’s unlikely if she’s never had money before.

This is exactly what I was meaning - and I wouldn't have the same issue with her giving to the family from this stream.

I was simply responding to OPs suggestion that her sister is on the spectrum.

OP was saying this in relation to the fact that family members help out the sister with practical things (which she could clearly now pay for) and she doesn't even offer them a coffee in return! Plus being insensitive enough to talk about how she's splashing money about without considering their feelings due to their own financial situations.

Perhaps the sister is just self-absorbed, but OP has suggested this has been an ongoing issue hence why OP suggested neurodiversity.

As an autistic person myself, who has had to intervene and explain things to a much more autistic family member, I was simply trying to be helpful.

Sure, but it’s very rare an average middle management employee has shares that perform unusually well to tune of north of 10 mill. As you say…Glad your friend got away.

IME those who have had got this sort of cash got it from a company sale or are in banking &/or inherited wealth.

OP said he hid the money from the sister, but never updated his will, so she got all of it when he died.

It’s likely she’s already blown a mill. Depending on if she has made investments there may well be nowhere near 10mil sat in one account to get that kind of interest coutts pays out.

It you are financially savvy then everything she purchased would have been offset to be paid via the interest not using her capital but it’s unlikely if she’s never had money before.

It’s why rich people often get mortgages still as the interest paid on their sum or higher than the interest paid on the mortgage but again only if you know about those things.

Or luck. My friend is now a multi millionnaire after her divorce, although not to this level. Her and her husband were just an average middle class couple. He was offered shares instead of a cash bonus and took them, the only sales person that did. Then the business went stratospheric (you will have heard of it) and became a multimillionaire very quickly. Unfortunately it turned him into a massive wanker and became very abusive. So she divorced him and walked away with a nice chunk. He was pissed off because had to sell one of his Ferraris (sp?).

I think Alec Guinnes took a percentage of Star Wars gross as part of his pay even though many people thought it would bomb.......nice one! Sometimes the gamble pays off.

If I inherited or win over 10 million pounds I wouldnt think twice about giving some of it to the important members of my family. I just wouldn't. So yes people are right, it's her money blah blah. But I don't get her I really don't

Surely any conversation depends on how long ago sister’s DP died? Sounds like Sis might be having a personal splurge & planning to give a large proportion to other members of DP’s bio family?

If he’s recently died surely any direct convo crass?

Tell her you're broke and could she spare a few quid.

You have paid off your mortgage and are claiming poverty. Your sister was in a financially abusive relationship and finally has access to her own money. (Because in a marriage it is all family money) Your niece/nephew will absolutely be grieving and confused even if they are outwardly relieved and your first reaction is to wonder where your kids share of the money is. It’s a pretty tacky attitude. But if that’s all you care about maybe you should make an effort to act like you did before she had money and your kids might be left an inheritance from her further down the line.