Argument with DH over childcare

The main thing is, do you go to the gym while he looks after DS and would he expect you to cancel it if he’d had a tough day at work or was tired or something? There’s no right answer to this, but you need to agree as a couple when you will tough it out and when you won’t.

It’s a bit concerning that he doesn’t seem to value you being at home with your child. It would be worth discussing what you both see as the benefits for the child of this arrangement. It’s also worth pointing out that they are two days a week when he doesn’t have to worry about what to do if the child is ill and can’t go to nursery.

He may just think you’re having a lovely day off. It would be worth leaving the two of them together for a day at the weekend occasionally, so that he can see what it’s like.

The main thing is, do you go to the gym while he looks after DS and would he expect you to cancel it if he’d had a tough day at work or was tired or something? There’s no right answer to this, but you need to agree as a couple when you will tough it out and when you won’t.

It’s a bit concerning that he doesn’t seem to value you being at home with your child. It would be worth discussing what you both see as the benefits for the child of this arrangement. It’s also worth pointing out that they are two days a week when he doesn’t have to worry about what to do if the child is ill and can’t go to nursery.

He may just think you’re having a lovely day off. It would be worth leaving the two of them together for a day at the weekend occasionally, so that he can see what it’s like.

The point, which you've chosen to miss, is that thinking that looking after your children is beneath you or in some way unpleasant makes you unfit to be a parent.

Then I hope he never asks the OP to take over his family duties due to having a stressful day at work.

Then you'd be looking after them the whole time yourself

If he thinks that then he shouldn't be a parent. If my DH thought that our children weren't worth looking after then I would divorce him for being a vile human being.

Yeah. Go back F/T. Split all costs, including childcare, proportionate to individual incomes. Divide all domestic responsibilities equally. Ensure equality of recreational time. Sorted.

That’s not necessarily true at all.

Does he make time for you to go to the gym? Or do your hobby?

The irony here is,if OP was to go back yo work, gecwoukd have less time for the gym.

Unless he means she works full time plus still does the majority of the parenting

Yes, she asked him to cancel his hobby for the day.

And yes, they both chose to have a child, but OP is the one who decided to give up two days at work to do full-time childcare. If she's struggling, she should go back to work and use nursery, not expect her DH to cancel his hobbies because she's had a bad day.

Where did she ask him to give up a hobby? I’m pretty sure she asked him to skip a day.

Also, I’m guessing, they both chose to have a child. Part of that is parenting.

Of course she can find it hard.

But that doesn't mean getting your partner to give up their hobbies to help you with something you've voluntarily decided to do.

If this was a man struggling with a toddler, everyone would be saying "Don't you dare give up the gym - he can cope with his own child".

Wow! You can want to do something and find joy in it and still find it hard. He also has a child now. It doesn’t hurt to change a plan every now and then to parent.

She says herself this isn't the first time she's asked her DH to skip the gym because she's had a bad day, though.

If she wants to stay home, that means dealing with the shit days as well as the good ones.

Absolutely agree, absolutely annoying when women describe them self as ‘full time mummy’… as if parents who work abdicate their parental responsibilities when at work! 🤨

She had one stressful day with a toddler. It happens.

The OP is asking her husband, the father of ‘their’ child, to skip his hobby occasionally to help and support as she’s knackered and it’s been a tough day with ‘their’ child.

I see OP's husband going to the gym as part of his health maintenance, not a hobby. She wants him to forgo his health maintenance because she's stressed by the kid she chose to go part time so she could be home with. I think that's unreasonable. She also said in her OP that she has asked him to do this before. So this isn't a one off. And their child is in nursery already, just part time.

You know what's also really stressful? Being the main breadwinner and doing his fair share of parenting which OP said he does. If he goes down, what then?

So yes, if she can't handle staying home with their child, she should go back to full time and put their child in the nursery full time.

No, she wants him to come and take over because she's stressed after choosing to spend all day with her toddler instead of working and using childcare.

She's free to work full-time like her DH and use a nursery if she's struggling.

It’s not childcare it’s parenting!! You are asking him to come home from work to parent and spend time with his child!!

Is he not happy for you to be working part time? Is he finding being the main breadwinner stressful? Would he rather go part time and you be full time?

What discussions have you had around this arrangement?

What benefit? That the child gets to stay at home with a stressed mother?

Surely if the agreement is that you are off work those 2 days to look after your child, that doesn't mean only when he's having a good day?

This.

Maybe he needs more 1 on 1 time with child…

This.