Final straw - friend always pitying me for being single

Hi op only you can decide this if you enjoy her company keep her if not dump her. If you stay friends make it clear she embarrassed you and you are not being put through that again. Just tell her straight I’m happy single and if I want sex or a relationship I’m capable of sorting this myself . Tell her you may be sex positive whatever that is but she pushing her self into your life and not in a positive way.

I would be backing way off this “friend” OP.

im single with no plans to do much about it, and only one person ever asks. Every time I have news she always jumps in to guess it’s a man, she is actually a nice person but it’s not a nice feeling.

but in addition, poor 18 year old in the spa, most of us have had the other way around scenario of being cornered by older men (not saying you are old but from the context I assumed older!) and “jokingly” propositioned and it’s a horrible, belittling and scary thing. Especially if literally cornered in a sauna etc!

Lunatic. She sounds embarrassingly basic and you sound lovely and grounded OP

She’s not your friend. Nothing more to say.

This. Some people really can't believe it understand happily singledom. Even if it's coming from a good place, it's incredibly patronising and snacks of "Mummy knows best darling".

As for your "friend's" behaviour at the spa, that was downright rude and nasty. Id have been mortified. Maybe it's her way of trying to feel superior? Happy people don't do this.

I honestly think I'd be keeping my distance ...

I can’t believe these replies. Of course it’s embarrassing and off but to end the friendship over one instance of bad behaviour is pretty OTT!! Don’t we all do shit that we’re embarrassed about from time to time?! I would be more miffed about having a friend who was so rigid and unforgiving.

Possibly this, maybe before you end the friendship.

That's terrible form from a mate. It does say more about her than you though.

'Sex positive' doesn't mean 'talking about sex all time' or 'embarrassing other people about sex' or 'trying to push people into a sex life they're not interested in'.

I'm definitely sex-positive and I don't a) tell other people they should be having sex, b) talk about sex with people who aren't interested in discussing it, c) embarrass people by mentioning it or d) overshare with randoms. The whole point of sex-positivity is not to judge/shame others for their consensual sexual interests and behaviour - if she's disrespecting your wish to be single and embarrassing you by trying to set up sexual encounters for you against your wishes, she really isn't sex-positive at all.

Awful behaviour from your so called friend. It’s people who can’t imagine anyone being fulfilled without a partner that I pity, how dull their lives must be.
Do you think she’s coming from a place of misplaced concern, or enjoying feeling “better than”?

Having done similar when I was unhappily married, I think she probably wanted male attention herself and was using your situation to facilitate that.
Tbh id forgive, she is probably just unhappy and a bit jealous of your freedom.

Those "smug married" types make horrible friends.

I had a friend from age 13 - we grew up spending the night at one another's homes, roomed together at uni, I was MOH in both of her weddings, she referred to my dad as her "second father" and so on.

Then, 20 years into our friendship, during which I had also helped her enormously, both with logistics and financially as she exited her ruinous first marriage, drove her for a termination when she didn't want to tell the sperm donor, etc. etc., she was musing aloud about wanting to give a "formal dinner party." With people wearing evening dress, etc.

I was perenially single and she actually said "It's a pity you don't have a boyfriend so I won't be able to invite you, as this is for couples only..."

My entire view of the friendship shifted in an instant. There is no way I would have excluded her from such a party just for being single. What I thought would be a lifelong friendship pretty much ended there.

I didn't say anything but just withdrew and became unavailable. She moved a few hundred miles away (for her husband's work) and became a lifelong SAHM. About five years ago she moved back to the area and I got a card my birthday week; I thought it might be a birthday card but it was just an announcement of her new address with some canned verbiage like "we are looking forward to connecting with old friends." Bah.

I ran into her sister about three years ago, much to my horror; the sister said ex-friend was in the process of divorcing the second husband. Shrug. She asked me about the rift (now 20+years duration) and I said we weren't as close as I thought. Told her the dinner party anecdote and the sister (also a lifelong single woman) said "I'm embarrassed to be related to her."

Life is too short to suffer intolerable people like her. She isn't a friend.

I'm also very happily single. If someone had done this to me, I wouldn't want to be friends with them any more.

Sex positive does not mean forcing others to listen to or discuss sex all the time.

Your friend sounds like an immature, unboundaried pain in the arse.

If you feel like giving her the benefit of the doubt I would message her back telling her how unacceptable her behaviour was and she is to never mention your relationship status unless you do.

Personally I wouldn't have the patience to wait for her to mature and I'd probably tell her she crossed a line and not to contact me again.

I wouldn’t be able to get over that, despite the apology. That’s terrible behaviour, alcohol is no excuse.

God, she sounds awful. .

She's either a) decided she knows better than you do what's actually best for you and is interfering on that basis against your wishes or b) deliberately embarrassing you just because she gets a kick out of it.

Either of those things make her a total prick, so yeah, I'd ditch her. I loathe people who behave like that.

Your friend does not pity you. She envies you! I would seriously re-evaluate the relationship.

Jesus! You call her a FRIEND? Unbelievable!

That must have been awful for you. She’s a hellava lightweight if she’s acting like this after 2 glasses of fizz.

She apologized, so I would be tempted to give her the benefit of the doubt, especially if she had been drinking. But I would be very very clear with her that you will not tolerate anything like this again.

Start doing the same thing to her. Ask her incessantly when she's going to leave her husband, is she ready to admit that the divorce is inevitable? When you're out in public together, accost random strangers and tell them your friend's getting divorced and needs some encouragement. Her husband's really got to go, don't they agree? Can you believe she's still married?? TOALLY missing out! Wouldn't they like to convince her to leave her husband? She'll "get it" when the rude, clueless , unwanted interfering is at HER expense.

‘can you believe she’s single and can’t find a man’

I wouldn't say this (can't find a man) about my worst enemy (and I hated that cunt) let alone a friend.

She revels in and relishes putting you down.

End this friendship and never see her again.

So she tried to embarrass you whilst smashing down your boundaries? Not a friend is she.