To stay a night away from home?

I think that’s the common reaction. OP, is this some kind of reverse where you’re typing about a friend’s situation or something? Because otherwise, I think a lot of us are finding it difficult to see how you could possibly think you’re being unreasonable. I imagine it’s because your husband (this is not a “D”H, unless the D stands for dickhead) has told you that you’re “not allowed.” Normal men in healthy relationships don’t say that; controlling men who are the causes in coercive relationships do.

Does he stay away from hiome ever?

I reread you post a few times and still don’t understand. He doesn’t want you to stay anywhere except with him, is that correct?

At the mention of "not allowed" i would've booked immediately.

This, 100%. You don’t have to ask his permission! You say you want to spend quality time with your girlfriends including a nice chat and staying up late. You will see him the next day. You tell him, you do not ask him. This is shocking to be honest.

Well I agree with everyone else, but I'd be asking him what he thinks the problem is. Presumably he thinks they (and you) will be out of control with the booze and a naked butler buffet. Doesn't he trust you? Anyway, I'd ask him, listen to him, reassure him, but make damn sure I go. Get your DC onside if necessary.

Definitely go! Enjoy yourself and don’t think about what your husband said again. Your husband is being controlling and that is not ok!

This 100% what a hypocritical twat! who the hell does he think he is?!!

I think this may be the least of your worries- is he a controlling prick in other aspects of your life? if so you have unanimously got support on this site, I hope that gives you the confidence to decide on your next steps.

Definitely go and make sure you put your phone on silent while you're there so he doesn't keep messaging you. Then ignore any messages you get from him. If there's an emergency, ask your 17 year old to make contact but just check your phone periodically for their texts.

Enjoy!

You’re in an abusive relationship.

What?? It’s not 1918, you don’t have to do what they tell you.

Say ‘Look I’m staying in the Air BnB, I’ve worked out it’s the 5th time I’ve been away in 17 years. If you don’t like it, go fuck yourself’.

I just would not tolerate this shit for a second.

Massive red flags from the DH here. Tbh reading the thread I was wondering if you were going to ask if it's ok to leave a 12 year old supervised by a 17 year old for a night, which is probably fine depending on them as individuals. But you've got a whole ass other adult there. It's completely fine for you to go out and stay out, concerning that your DH thinks it's an issue and that he thinks you need his permission.

@Halloweenhamster go and have a good time and tell your husband he is “not allowed” to tell you what to do.

I thought this was going to be a “can I leave my 17 and 12 year olds overnight alone” thread, then I got to the DH part and I am FLABBERGASTED 🤯

of course you’re allowed, don’t ask, just book it

He's your Husband not your Dad and you are a grown woman and not a child. My overnight bag would be packed along with a bottle of my favourite shots (pink in colour and very nice!!)

I would worry about what sort of example DH is showing their sons on how to respect and treat women. Mum also has to be an example for those boys, that her having fun independently doesn't equal her being a bad mother or wife.

You can, and absolutely 100% should go OP. As many PPs have said I thought you were going to ask if it was ok to leave the 12yro with the 17yro...

Omg I can’t imagine why your husband wouldn’t let you have a rare night away with friends!! What’s his reasons? Is he jealous/insecure? Definitely go!!

I feel for you, you sound lovely and a great mum. I am really concerned that your relationship is so controlling you are not allowed a night out with long term mates. I want to say “go and enjoy” but also fear what you may face from your partner if you do. I hope you find a safe solution filled with too much wine and loads of laughs with your friends.

Go!!! Enjoy it….then when you come back contemplate throwing the whole man in the bin!!

Controlling you saying you are not allowed while drinking heavily himself! Nah throw him out!

Yes.
This with knobs.

Side note, but WHY wouldn't you expect a 17 year old to be responsible for a 12 year old?

17 year old are more than old enough to be paid to babysit, and you can employ an 18 yo au-pair to be responsible for children in a foreign country when they barely speak the language 😂

It's frightening how ill-prepared some teenagers and young adult are to real life!

‘Not allowed’?!

I’d laugh in his face.

This is not okay. I hope you stand up for yourself in this

I thought this was going to be about leaving the kids alone at 12 and 17 overnight and was going to say YABU to expect the 17 year old to be responsible for the 12 year old - but then I see you have a DH!

Why on earth doesn't your DH want you to go? Can't he cope? Doesn't he trust you? Is it the cost? It sounds very strange.