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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stay a night away from home?

193 replies

Halloweenhamster · 06/11/2025 12:24

I don’t think I am.

I have two dc, 17 and 12 and very very rarely have I spent a night away since they were born, only on a handful of occasions. I don’t drink much so I’ve usually driven however now and then I do like a drink - maybe once a year and not to excess but I wouldn’t even have one drink and risk driving.

It is ok if I’m out with local friends on these occasions as I can get a taxi / Uber back with them. However my friends from university want to meet in a nearish city in December. They are going out and then getting an air b n b - there’s only 5 of us and we rarely now get together like this as we are spread all over the uk. They then want to get brunch the following day and do a bit of Christmas shopping before we all head back.

I would like to stop in the air b n b, have a drink and spend some time with them. I can park at the air b n b. Otherwise I have to get the train in and then I’ll have to Uber back on my own - which will cost as much as the air b n b - or not drink and drive in and then drive back in the middle of the night.

DH is saying I am ‘not allowed’ to stay out and he doesn’t understand why I ‘suddenly want to to get drunk’ which is hypocritical as he is quite a heavy drinker! I don’t want to get drunk but I would like to relax, have a couple of drinks and then not worry about getting home. Plus I’d quite like the day with them the following day too.

AIBU? My dc aren’t even little anymore!

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 06/11/2025 18:15

They are going out and then getting an air b n b

Why are you saying 'they' not 'we' and then justifying half your post with alcohol-that's irrelevant.

DH-I'm going to spend the weekend with uni friends in an Airbnb on the weekend of the x, just to let you know.

Whether you drink or not drink, it's not important-you want to spend time with them that day and then overnight and the next day.

Why is he your boss?

Usernamenotav · 06/11/2025 17:58

The only way you'd be unreasonable is if you stayed married to this AH

MadeofCheeese · 06/11/2025 17:57

I honestly thought you were asking about leaving your children on their own and if their age was appropriate. Then you said "D" H was at home? WTAF? If I said I was going to spain for a week dh would be a bit miffed as we have a dog and toddler but absolutely would not bat an eye at 24-48 hours!

Onthemaintrunkline · 06/11/2025 17:55

‘Not allowed’, is very concerning, but added to this I’m wondering what else you are not allowed.

Purplebunnie · 06/11/2025 17:53

I used to go to the works Christmas party which often involved a night away. My DC were under 12 and DH encouraged me to go, he used to bring DC to pick me up from the hotel

Your "H" is totally unreasonable, he's quite capable of parenting his own DC for a change as I bet he's rarely done it. What a selfish prick

edited for typo

Mrspatmoresapprentice · 06/11/2025 17:52

“Not allowed”? Christ, I hope you laughed in his face! If my DH came out with that kind of shite, I’d think he was unwell!
You are of course perfectly “allowed”. He however has literally zero right to tell you what you can and cannot do. Tell him you weren’t asking, you were telling, this is what’s happening. End of. Go and enjoy yourself, and if he makes it difficult? You need to have a rethink about how your marriage is (or is not) working for you.

ClarasSisters · 06/11/2025 17:48

Not allowed?!

Go. And tell him not to be there when you get back. Controlling arse.

Daughterofthesea · 06/11/2025 17:48

ComfortFoodCafe · 06/11/2025 12:30

Go, who the fuck does he think he is telling you your not allowed? Tell that controlling prick to fuck off.

This 🙌

Aintnosunshinenowitsgone · 06/11/2025 17:39

My first question to him would be: why? What do you do when you go out that you think I'm going to be getting up to?

MindyMcready · 06/11/2025 17:36

AIBU to call your DH a massive fucking spunk stain?

GreatUserName · 06/11/2025 17:35

RecordBreakers · 06/11/2025 17:31

Since I last posted, the poll has changed from 100% to 99%.

Who on earth could think OP was BU ?
Any chance you might explain your reasoning ?

It might have been a fat finger moment
or
It could be OP's Dick Head

Bikergran · 06/11/2025 17:32

Has he always been a CF?

RecordBreakers · 06/11/2025 17:31

Since I last posted, the poll has changed from 100% to 99%.

Who on earth could think OP was BU ?
Any chance you might explain your reasoning ?

quietlycontent · 06/11/2025 17:26

It actually has nothing to do with drinking and everything to do with you having a life of your own. Please go and enjoy some personal time with your friends

Jenkibuble · 06/11/2025 17:17

Halloweenhamster · 06/11/2025 12:24

I don’t think I am.

I have two dc, 17 and 12 and very very rarely have I spent a night away since they were born, only on a handful of occasions. I don’t drink much so I’ve usually driven however now and then I do like a drink - maybe once a year and not to excess but I wouldn’t even have one drink and risk driving.

It is ok if I’m out with local friends on these occasions as I can get a taxi / Uber back with them. However my friends from university want to meet in a nearish city in December. They are going out and then getting an air b n b - there’s only 5 of us and we rarely now get together like this as we are spread all over the uk. They then want to get brunch the following day and do a bit of Christmas shopping before we all head back.

I would like to stop in the air b n b, have a drink and spend some time with them. I can park at the air b n b. Otherwise I have to get the train in and then I’ll have to Uber back on my own - which will cost as much as the air b n b - or not drink and drive in and then drive back in the middle of the night.

DH is saying I am ‘not allowed’ to stay out and he doesn’t understand why I ‘suddenly want to to get drunk’ which is hypocritical as he is quite a heavy drinker! I don’t want to get drunk but I would like to relax, have a couple of drinks and then not worry about getting home. Plus I’d quite like the day with them the following day too.

AIBU? My dc aren’t even little anymore!

He used the word 'allowed ' ?

WOW

Go for more than one night !

SkaterGrrrrl · 06/11/2025 17:01

16 years I've been on this website, and that's the first ever 100% YANBU I have ever seen.

usedtobeaylis · 06/11/2025 16:59

Franpie · 06/11/2025 16:58

Oh my god, up until the final paragraph I thought your OP was about leaving them alone overnight!

Jesus, it’s not up to your DH whether you stay overnight with friends or not.

And for the record, I was going to say that I think it’s fine to leave the 17 and 12 year old home alone!

Same!

usedtobeaylis · 06/11/2025 16:58

Is he the reason you don't go out very often?

Franpie · 06/11/2025 16:58

Oh my god, up until the final paragraph I thought your OP was about leaving them alone overnight!

Jesus, it’s not up to your DH whether you stay overnight with friends or not.

And for the record, I was going to say that I think it’s fine to leave the 17 and 12 year old home alone!

user1492809438 · 06/11/2025 16:58

"Not allowed"..... I'd be booking a week. Who does he think he is?

BexThree · 06/11/2025 16:55

Conniebygaslight · 06/11/2025 13:11

I thought you were a single mum and were wondering if it was Ok to leave your 17 and 12 year old alone. I wouldn't have thought that was OK tbh but to read your (D)H is there and 'not allowing' you is bloody awful.
Have a great time OP

I totally agree.

RecordBreakers · 06/11/2025 16:55

I started reading the opening post, and presumed you were going to ask if it were okay to leave a 17 and 12 year old on their own overnight. (Glad you're not).

I can't get my head round the idea that my dh would ever try to tell me I'm "not allowed" to do something, let alone anything as lovely as this sounds.
He'd check his diary to make sure he wasn't away the same time and tell me to have a nice time.

PastaAllaNorma · 06/11/2025 16:55

How did you come to accept he could dictate what you do? Was it a boiled frog scenario, where it ramped up so gradually you didn't realise you were being controlled?

I check with DP and he checks with me for any scheduling clashes, but never in a million years would we expect to be "allowed" or "not allowed" to do things. You're a grown woman with agency of your own.

As a side note, I have two nights away on my own every year since my first child was 2, just to have a little headspace. It was DP's suggestion. Does me the world of good.

Julimia · 06/11/2025 16:52

Go for it. Stay ovenight. Do the shopping etc. Not allowed?? Just who does he think he is???

Doubledenim305 · 06/11/2025 16:41

Sillysoggyspaniel · 06/11/2025 15:56

Don't often see 100% agreement from over 650 votes. Your DH is a (D)Dickhead.

Never seen 💯 vote on MN.
That says it all.
I agree with all the comments. Very very odd behaviour from DH.