Is this strange or not?

It is to some extent. I'm sure your stat is correct but I'm also sure that 90% of men do not commit sex crimes against children.

It's actually really sad that we have to think like this. I used to take my nephews away on holiday once a year. I was single and had no kids so I offered to have my brother's kids for a week every year to help out with his and SIL's childcare arrangements. Nobody batted an eyelid as it was just an aunt spending time with her nephews. Sadly I think we have to be alert to these problems. It is a shame for all of the perfectly innocent men that they can't spend time with kids like women do without being accused of being an abuser.

It never came up to go on holiday because we didn't have the money, but honestly if the situation had arisen, I don't think anyone would have thought twice. I did go away with my dad to stay with family a few times, as they lived the other side of the country. Can't remember why mum didn't go - she must have been busy or ill or something.

Tbf, I didn't have any uncles growing up (none by blood, and my Aunties weren't married then).

You seem proud that the men in your life have no interest in the children they’re related to. I find that very sad and not normal.

I was replying to your comment that not many men even enjoy spending time with their own kids?! What has all this stuff got to do with that statement you made?

Bet they never took you out alone on holiday and shared the same bedroom overnight?
I don't get it, my point was, men hardly take interest in kids at the best of times. Not that they never do.
I'm trying to highlight, that's its unusual for an uncle to take his neice alone on holiday, and sleep in the same bedroom
That's all

Oh come on
No need to bury your head in the sand
Anything out of the ordinary should be suspect.
Taking a child to an hour or 2 of sports is normal behaviour
Taking a niece on overnight trips alone is not.
In this day and age where everything is mad, why live in denial?

In safeguarding we learn to recognise abnormal behaviour.
Hmm, an uncle takes his 9 year old nephew to a football club once a week, safeguarding risk? Low risk
An uncle takes his 11 year old neice on holiday, potentially to another country, alone, and sleeps for several nights in the same bedroom,
Safeguarding risk
Potentially very high

I have definitely seen this more with men that women, as you say.

I've been lucky though - my dad and grandads always played loads of games with me, took me out for the day with just them (not on holiday because we didn't have the money). We have always been close, but nothing untoward at all.

My OH really enjoys our two, and loves interacting with them. He's also a primary school teacher and enjoys teaching the kids in his class.

My brother adores his nephews and his own daughter - actually much more than my SIL tbh, who is a very dutiful and loving mother, but isn't interested in doing activities and playing with children in the same way.

My point is that just because some men are disinterested in children, that's by no means all of them; some love being around children as much (or more than) your average woman. Not because they're creeps, but because they find them funny, endearing, interesting or whatever.

Hi OP
i second this. It is not the therapist’s job to put these doubts into your head resulting in you feeling pressured to question your niece and having anxiety about the setup.

I think in this case to trust your instincts will be helpful. If the parents are happy to allow this arrangement then I hope that alleviates any worries you may have; ultimately the responsibility falls on them not you.

Open your eyes 🙄
My brother takes my son to football, spends 5 min here and there giving him high 5 🤣
But I can't even imagine why he would take my son on holiday alone!
Maybe when he has kids?
But alone?
I would think that's so strange.
I mean, for what? Couldn't find a freind his own age with his own interests is it?
i wouldn't even take any of my neices or nephews alone lol

And I bet that even you even in 'your circles'
Not 1 man would take their 11 year old neice on holiday alone and sleep in the same bedroom overnight, ask them maybe and find out 🤣
Anything thats out of the ordinary should be suspect!
That's all

Ewwwwww he takes your son to football??? That’s so WEIRD. Why would he DO that? Maybe report it.

Basically your view about men in general is very worrying and bears little resemblance to reality.

You say school is a job but there are thousands of other jobs that don’t involve spending day in and day out with children. So clearly the people who do it like spending time with children and find it enjoyable.

School is a job.
Spending 10 min here and there in family gathering is so short.
My brother spoils my kids for the 5 min he sees them and he takes my son to football.
That's it.
But to take a child on holiday alone?
That's what I call weird

Its strange.

Noway i would let any of my children go away 1on1 with an adult male male, relative or not.

I can see why you're concerned OP but I don't think you can jump to conclusions. I had an uncle who would have me and my siblings stay overnight and we'd have a special day out together the next day. He was very loving and not in the slightest bit creepy and I have nothing but happy, safe memories about these times. A couple of things that I think got us into this habit were that he's a bit older than my mum and we lost my grandpa when we were quite young so he sortof took on this role iyswim. Also he had one child of his own who he became estranged from as his ex wife was utterly bonkers and turned the child against him. He later married another woman and had stepchildren and step grandchildren who all clearly adored him.

I think all you can go by is the 'vibe test'. Talk to niece's parents if concerned and keep everything easy going and open with niece so she feels that she can talk to you

Well that says a
lot about the men in your life but all the men in my family and many more I know in my circle of friends and colleagues are very family orientated and enjoy spending time with their children and extended family.

It is too weird.

I think in some families it is common for childless aunts and uncles to take children on holidays with them. I have four adult children, two have partners but are childless by choice. They adore their nieces and nephews though and have taken them on holidays, the same as we have done as grandparents.

It creates treasured memories and gives the parents some relief when they're working and school holidays come around.

I understand your background playing a part in your concerns, but I certainly wouldn't be jumping to conclusions just because a single relative takes a child on holiday.

It is unusual but that doesn’t mean it’s automatically suspect.

You say the parents have little time for your niece and she’s an only child. You also say that he’s been closely involved since she was born, and that the niece also goes away to do stuff with her aunts.

Taken in isolation you might question why the uncle is so involved, but when you see the wider picture, it just comes across as an involved, extended family.

Maybe he’s always wanted kids and this is his opportunity to enjoy the best bits.

I also think sharing a family room has been fine so far - I wouldn’t want a 10 yr old in a separate room while overseas. But as she’s approaching puberty he’ll have to start thinking about separate rooms. Hopefully he’s already thought of that for the future.

Yes, it is very weird indeed.

You can expect the usual wotaboutdemenz pedo apologists to flood the thread though.

Yes, it is strange, and quite unusual. Most men in their forties don't want to spend 24/7 holiday time alone with a 7 to 11-year-old girl. Add into that the fact that he hasn't had a steady adult relationship in 15 years, has no children of his own, and takes no one else on the holidays, and it does set alarm bells ringing.

However, strange and seemingly suspicious doesn't mean that it is nefarious - it could be entirely innocent! That's where your personal knowledge of your brother, and your awareness of your niece's behaviour leading up to/after their holidays comes into play. It's very tricky, as you don't want to run the risk of permanently souring what is actually a positive relationship between your niece and her uncle.

I think probably the best thing to do is foster a close relationship with your niece, and let her know (in generalities, not regarding your brother) that she can always come to you and tell you anything, and you'll believe/support her.

My sons are adults and have not had children yet . They regularly take my granddaughter out for the day . She has a fabulous time and I think it’s really sad that people are so suspicious of good intentions.
As a child I spent time with my Uncle’s in Wales without my Mum ,happy times.

Eh? I went a girls' school, half our teachers were men. Only two were a bit ... creepy, and they weren't the ones who took us on field trips & such. Most of our teachers, male and female, enjoyed spending time with kids!

Plus, to state the obvious, there are plenty of enthusiastically involved dads, granddads, brothers and ... some uncles.

Couldn't agree more if I tried. Seriously batshit to the extreme.

My grandad used to take me on holidays, just the two of us. Many holidays. We slept in one room, separate beds, obv. I was a firstborn, so he took me alone, later with my brother. He was the best grandad in the world, I loved him so much. Miss him every single day. Nothing untoward ever happened, and if some charlatan of a 'therapist' dared to suggest otherwise, I'd rip her fucking head off.

He passed away, unfortunately. My parents weren't the best, so I'm very close to my brother, always been. He loves my DD, they played together since she was a toddler, he taught her to ride a bike, gifted her her first camera and got her into photography, taught her how to play guitar, many many other things. They're very close and DD is always very happy to see him, is comfortable, chatty and bubbly around him.

We travel a lot, me alone, DD and me, all three of us together, he alone, and them together. They've just been to Japan. I was supposed to go, but something very important came up at the last min. They came back, DD happy as larry, tons of pics, souvenirs, videos, they had a great time.

Wtf is the problem. Some of you need your heads examined, if you see pedophiles around every corner, in your own family even. Not OP, due to her experience. Yes, some men are pedophiles, some family members can be pedophiles. Doesn't mean all of them are, jesus christ. You must have extremely fucked up families if you cannot imagine close, loving, normal relationship between siblings and their children.

Don't get me started with 'tell the school'. But that's prob a British thing, thank god I'm not British. You seem to be unable to live without kowtowing to schools and letting them interfere in every aspect of your lives. So bizarre. They're a teaching institution. Your private lives are absolutely not their fucking business.

I have a single DB in his 40’s and a DD. I would find it extremely odd if he suggested taking her away on holiday alone. So would she. And I’d definitely, politely, say no thanks.

I think it's a bit weird for an adult man to want to spend an entire week alone with and sharing a bedroom with an 11 year old girl who is not their own child. An afternoon trip to the theatre, great and lovely, and maybe even a weekend away somewhere that's interesting to both of them, fine. But hanging around with an 11 year old for a whole week, most adults would find that boring and would rather go on holiday with friends, so what is he getting out of it?

If her parents are neglectful with their time she could be very vulnerable to someone paying her attention and being kind to her.