To expect partner to accept job offer?

C'mon OP. You know he has to go.

ETA: that will teach me to RTFT. Good luck - do you have someone who can help him exit your life if he gets a bit reactive?

Sorry, but he is not a lodger, if you are putting a roof over his head at the expense of your children’s privacy the absolute least he should do is go halves with the house expenses.

No job and no help in the house? Stop the tactful conversations, he starts doing as much work in the houseAND starts contributing to the expenses or…

that’s the beauty of not being married, it won’t be messy, put his Xbox and stuff in bin bags by the door and change the locks. If that sounds difficult open your eyes and remember this: The money you are spending on this leach is money you take away from your children, so grow a spine and let him go, somebody has to put those children financial needs first (he is not, obviously)

He is taking the food from the mouths of your children and not contributing. And this is being allowed to happen. End the relationship and put him out. He is not active in the relationship he is living off money that should be for your children. He is thinking of what he wants not what you need. That is unfair on your children.

Cocklodger klaxon! Get him tae fuck, your poor kids.

Edited to say I see you are. Your life is about to get so much better.

Think about how much money you earn per month, and how hard you work for it, and then consider how much of that is diverted from your kids to this 'prize' of a man. Kick him out and change the locks. Don't trust someone that feckless with the contents of your house, especially when they know your shift patterns. I knew a woman years ago who had kicked her partner out for cheating, and when she got back from work the house was cleaned out. Every bit of furniture, all her kids toys and tech. There are some awful people out there. It is your job as a Mum to stop them getting into your house and mooching off you. Some men of this calibre target single mothers because they think they can get away with more leeching.

Of course he needs to accept the job. I’d give him an ultimatum job or leave

What on earth am I reading? 400 quid for his food, board and lodgings and all he eats is meat?
He doesn't work and games all day, disrupts your sleep, does no chores?? I don't know where to start. Get rid and get some therapy, even if he gets a job.

£400 a month? I assume that included bills too, since you mentioned they went up. I can't honestly say I wouldn't like to live on £400 a month with someone else doing all my shitwork while I piss about on consoles, but I also couldn't blame anyone who told me not to take the piss and chucked me out. Well done, OP.

Why do you have to pay for his alcohol, hobby and phone. And where in the UK does someone get a fifty percent share of a reasonable sized home for £400 a month. And zero bills. And a built in cleaner?

If his sibling was charging that they must have been a mouse living in a hole in a wall in a disused building. Or he's lying. Or sibling kicked him out for failing to adequately pay his way.

Tell him he can move out of he doesn't get a job and the rent's gone up to a grand. And no food, phone, hobby or anything else is being paid for by you any longer.

Honestly he'll be thinking you've got the word Mug tattooed on your forehead in glow in the dark ink if you don't put your foot down severely.

You buy him alcohol…? Why? If he wants things he needs to take the job to pay for it.

This.

I had a relative in a war-torn country whose husband was an accountant. They had to move - lost most of their possessions. He got another job as an accountant. In the meantime, she worked as a childminder. (She had a degree, but there was no work available commensurate with her qualifications.)

Her husband lost his job. He refused to take just any job...It had to be accountancy. My relative worked until she and her husband could claim a state pension. I sent money to help her out a few times - I'm fairly certain that her husband had a gambling habit. Then she found out that she had cancer. Died in her late 60s. Her useless husband is still alive.

Okay, that's an extreme example...but life's too short to support a waster.

OP, I am raging on your behalf. Please read him the riot act - you have been more than accommodating. Him not wanting to split bills because the kids are there half the month would have given me the ick alone - he’s behaving like an extra child. You deserve so much better xx

I have seen people like him described as ‘Cocklodgers’ . I think that he has turned into one!

Even without the job situation, he’s massively disrespectful to you by leaving the house in a tip while you’re slaving away. And disrupting your sleep.
It’s certainly not love. you don’t need this neck beard in your life. Does he add any value at all?
Kick this guy to the kerb and stop paying for anything for him in the meantime.

Sooo he doesnt help with bills, doesnt help with the kids or the housework and your now paying his bills?? What on earth??

STOP paying his bills for one. If he wants his car/hobbies/phone than he needs to take a bloody job. They can be hard to come by who does he think he is turning them down?? His thinking is why get a job when your enabling this behaviour?? Also he either helps around the house or he finds somewhere else to live.

Set your boundaries OP and stick to them. He is currently bringing NOTHING to the table

Are you really asking this?

Throw him back. What an idle piece of work.

Let’s hope the sibling hasn’t wised up and let out his room! But even if they have he needs to go. He is costing you money OP, and does not even have the nous to realise that when you are leaching off someone you try to keep them sweet by helping out for example by cleaning, cooking, doing the washing, feeding the children, respecting their space, none of which he seems capable of. He has had a good run of two years, he needs to find another sucker.

Am sorry, you call him your partner but at the moment he is being anything but. Job and pull his weight or it's time to leave...

Edited: sorry, I echoed post above which I didn't see.

Trying to work out why anyone would describe a man like this as a partner.

throw this one back! he is a cocklodger!

He needs to move out. ASAP. He's taking advantage of you.

I wouldn't care what he did about his job. Because he'd be doing from somewhere a long way away from me. Your problems with this one won't be solved by him getting another job, unless it's as a guinea pig in a personality transplant trial.

Well done OP, he is literally taking money away from your children. He is acting like a fucking teenager and you're his Mum, I mean the £400 board was a piss take in the first place and he's not even doing that. It would give me the irredeemable ick and even if he begged to take any job if I threatened to kick him out wouldn't be enough after months of laziness, neglecting the kids and just not fucking adding any value. Xx

Best of luck in the future OP xx

Is he any good for you at all?

Given he has been paying just £400 a month for food, rent and bills, why doesn't he have lots of savings to fall back on? He's taking the piss. Show him the door.