To expect partner to accept job offer?

What was going on was that she was desperate for a man. Just as you say, she values having a boyfriend over everything else.

Just an incredibly vulnerable person who really needs help. It’s shocking how many women do this, all for the sake of having a man.

You say you're not desperate for a man, but look at the facts. You have lain down and let this man wipe his feet on you. You have funded his alcohol and other habits. You have come home after a night shift to a filthy house and unfed children and an unwalked dog and meekly put up with that and fixed it for him. You have allowed him to keep you awake all night when you have to get up at 5 am while he stays in bed until lunch time. And you are still asking whether you are unreasonable to expect him to accept a job.

It is literally impossible to draw any other conclusion than that you value having a boyfriend over everything else.

I really hope you come back to update us and say that he has gone, and that even if he finds a high paying job, apologises massively, and offers to pay 2,000 pounds per month and do most of the housework in future, you will still tell him to get lost. But the odds of that don't seem to be high, given what you have already accepted and exposed your children to.

Getting to the point of asking him to leave is a huge step forward. In your shoes, I would be getting some therapy fairly urgently in order to figure out why you have accepted this situation for you and your children for even a single day. Please don't allow any more men into their lives until you have worked out what was going on and made a strategy for avoiding this in the future. Good luck.

You need some help. You accepted him not paying £400 a month and that covered his entire share? Rent to you, share of bills AND groceries? He didn’t even split groceries separately with you? You paid for absolutely everything and he only gave £400?

Any woman who actually accepts that and loves that man in with her kids is absolutely desperate for a man, and incredibly vulnerable and in need of help.

Seek help. Tell someone.

This OP.

Also if he's only been paying you £400pm he ought to have savings to pay for his expenses and the £400 due to you!

Every penny spent on him is money you could spend on your kids. The ones he couldn't be bothered to feed with food you bought.

Glad you're telling him to go OP. I strongly suspect he'll offer to take a job and/ or lay on a good sob story. Don't be fooled. My sister married one like this who when asked to leave promised the world as he liked his lifestyle. It later transpired he had been cheating on her.

You and your kids deserve better. Imagine how much better off you'll be!

As is often the case, the first post nails it!

First, £400 is nothing at all if he’s not contributing to bills and food. But £0 is simply unacceptable. And not doing housework, getting up late… that’s just disrespectful, and what an appalling thing for your children to see.

You’re enabling him. But also, you’re choosing to support him over spending that money on your children.

Good for you, genuinely. He's bringing nothing to the table.

@bonfiretoffee88 Also, please immediately stop paying for anything for him, including food, phone, alcohol, etc.

@bonfiretoffee88 he sounds like a lazy child, not an adult partner.

He's massively taking the piss, and taking money and your time away from your dc.

My 19yo paid almost that to us for rent and food last year when she took a year out before uni. Hobbies, alcohol, etc, she paid for herself out of her earnings. She also had chores around the house, and still has chores when she's home from uni.

We put the money she paid us aside for her because we can, but if things had been a struggle we would have used it to survive.

Please get rid within the week, whether or not he suddenly finds a job!
Don't teach your dc this is what to expect from a relationship. Especially if you have any daughters.

Good luck.

Kick him out. He's using you. Bet his sister wont have him back either. Why isn't he still paying you. Even if he was unemployed for awhile a single man who has had it easy (and sounds like he has) should have savings.

Well done bonfiretoffee88 - definitely the right decision. It's insane that you've been paying for his hobby while he turns down job offers, sleeps til lunchtime then games and doesn't clean up after himself or pay you any board - to say he's behaving like a teenager living with his mum is an insult to teenagers!

Was going to say you're only being unreasonable by letting him stay! He has no reason to get a job whilst everything is being funded for. Time for an ultimatum that he gets off his backside and accepts any job to help contribute or it's time to go. You have your own children to take care of, you don't need another one!

I mean, YABU for enabling. Why isn’t be a partner who would do anything to continue supporting you and your shared family that he’s part of? I’m going to say he’s a cocklodger

I wouldn't let my nearly-adult DC do this never mind a man in a relationship! Please develop some self respect and tell him to leave. Don't set this example for your children

Good for you op.

He has no interest in an equal partnership he wants you to be his mother and skivvy. Even if he pulled a job out of his pocket now I would still let him go. He's shown you how little he respects you and also that you can't count on him to be dependable in any way. He'd only be doing it because you forced him to as opposed to because he knows its important and would likely resent you for it. The picking up after himself etc will never change.

If you want a pet that'll trash the house, eat loads and expect to be worshipped for merely existing in the same space as you, can't you get a cat?

Bin this one off back to the rock he crawled out from under (or the streets, I don't give a fuck one way or the other) and go back to a clean home, full fridge and no useless prick lounging on your sofa all day whilst you work.

This.
Every penny that you spend 'keeping' him. Imagine putting it in your childs savings.
Then get angry.
That expensive present you can't afford for Cbristmas, or that hobby your child wants to do, or that weekend away you wanted to treat the kids to but can't afford.. well you could probably do some of those things if he wasn't there using your electricity and washing powder, eating your food and wearing out your coach.

Good on you!! Please stand up for yourself!

good luck op

Omg ge moved in and wants to be one of your kids. What a loser. Yep he is a waste of space.
Sorry OP, this one thought he was onto a good thing, free food, free board, free sex and free housekeeping.
Absolute bellend.

Get him out and take your home back op!

He either takes a job or moves out simple

Yes, he can turn down as many jobs as he likes. However, he doesn't get to freeload on you. The longer he's in your home the more he's costing you. If you need a further push remind yourself that he's robbing your children. Everybody knows that prices have increased massively in the last 4 years, I doubt his sibling will take him back for £400 a month.

Yabu to do this
.also have to pay his bills for him (car, hobby,alcohol, phone).

He has chosen to turn down three jobs!
Because you step in and oay
He is not your child op

Stop funding him.
Send him to sibling or his mummy

I voted you are unreasonable because you need to be kicking this cocklodger out not finding conditions to let him stay. Also, not feeding your 9 y old if they were left in his care is abusive imo.

Cocklodger.

Let him buy his own food and cook for himself.