Bit the bullet and claimed CM - mighty fall out

If he is genuinely going through the process of buying a property and getting a mortgage then yes this will indeed affect his borrowing (mortgage) capability so this will likely mean he can’t buy what he intended to buy, Hence the anger. That’s not your problem. Proceed via CMS, ignore all his ranty messages and silly behaviour, onwards!!!

I clicked the wrong vote, it should have been yanbu. Sorry.

Keep going mate, how can you be fucking up his plans?? Fuck him and keep all the messages that he sends you

I had this exact situation with my ex. High earner and wanted to give me what he though was appropriate (he said he thought it was a piss take that my wages were not considered too). I think he wanted to give circa £200 a month IIRC and he ended up having to me around £700. He hasn't spoken to me since, wouldn't attend our DD graduation this summer as he didn't want to sit next to me. Fuck him though it was me who has been left to raise our kids with him seeing them maybe once a week at best.

YANBU. Going through the CMS saves all sorts of unnecessary aggravation over the years until your DD ages out. If he messes around with paying then ask for them to do collect and pay. You get 4% less, but he has to pay 10% more as a bastard tax, which is highly satisfying. I'd just caution you not to rely on it though. My DC's father didn't pay maintenance for years and the CMS did naff all about it. He now pays just under £19 a month. Such riches

Absolutely shameful, do you feel better for saying that?

Regards earnings, HMRC have an easy access register to look at what's been paid as PAYE. You can register to see your own.

I had no idea until I was helping someone with a pay issue at work and they showed me their HMRC file..

I’m a little confused…

Are you saying he currently gives you £500 a month?
And the child is with him 3 days a week?

Did you seek legal advice to ascertain whether it is realistic to expect more via CMS. I don’t have any personal experience, but I wonder…

God but your mother is a truly disgusting sub human.
Pitying a man who orally raped her daughter.
A real low.

You poor pet. I actually think thats what you should be saying to her.

Did you ever think of reporting him?
Even if you don't want to be part of a prosecution, you could have his name on the police files.

I'm so sorry.

I don’t understand the bit about the equity from the house. Did he give you your fair share of the, presumably, marital home in the end?

Sounds as if you should limit contact with him to official channels and only to discuss access arrangements for DC.

Why do men go absolutely berserk when being held accountable for their responsibilities? My ex has done exactly the same. Has even gone as far as to tweak his self employed income to make it look like he earns a pittance after lording it up for the last few years at apparently how much money he was making and how important he was because of this lucrative business that he has supposedly built up!
He has gone mental at me for daring to go down this route and for not pulling out. So now, he has to prove his income every year and I am happy he has to go through that. It's the least he deserves. One day he'll fuck up and forget the bullshit web of lies he's weaved and get caught. I can't wait for that day.

Wow

It does not matter what he thinks. The law is the law. It's not like you have come up with a figure.

Just ignore. He is trying to manipulate you into dropping the claim by giving you the silent treatment. Do not agree to sort it out between yourselves. he has already proven incapable of that. Just go through CMS

So he has the kids for 3 days pw.
I can see both sides

Were you married op?

If so, did you sort the finances properly after you split up?

Otherwise, you were only entitled to whatever share of joint property you set ownership up as when you bought your house.

That said, yanbu to contact CMS, you should have done this from the start.

Read the OPs updates, I have no words for what I think about your post.

Edited

Find this post a bit garbled and odd to be honest. You say you did have an agreement at the beginning due to the house sale but it wasn't legal?

You will .need to tell the authorites and Solicitor everything now.

He sounda like a very emotionally and financially abusive man. And an arsenole.

Hope for rhe sake of your children you can get things sorted

Bear in mind that he's likely to refuse to help with anything else financially bc he's paying you for the kids and you should be grateful. It's sickening. As for your mum, I have no words.

I’m so sorry you’ve had such a terrible experience - it sounds traumatic.

In terms of the CM - you are doing the right thing.

In terms of relationships, stop looking for approval from your mum. You need to stop sharing all this with her, she’s not on your team.

Step away from your ex. Leave him to it. Disengage.

Have you had therapy at all? It might help you unpick why you’re looking for approval from your mum/ex and doubting yourself so much.

Good luck 🌺 .

You were bringing up his children. Did you even get anything added to a pension? I hope your lawyer has informed you of claiming against his pension.

Feel sorry for him because he needs to PAY FOR HIS OWN CHILD? Please stop listen to your mum. In claiming CM you are looking out for the best interest OF YOUR CHILD. Well done!!

Children cost, so if he doesn't have them 50/50 he has to pay for a certain amount of time.
I get really fucking sick of people, these shit males family members and even other women like your mother feeling sad for fathers having to pay for the children they have or trying to help him get away with not paying.

It's pathological tbh, blows my mind this sympathy for an adult male that created a child and facing his responsibilities.

Do you have them 50/50?.Shared custody rather than joint custody.
If so the rules on CM are much more flexible. Do you share cost of holidays and school clothes etc?
If you pay the majoritu of DC care then he is certainly eligible.
He seems very aggressive and bullying.
If he wont discuss in a mature way,you are doing the right thing.

Neither of those are showstoppers at all unfortunately.

He could organise childcare for the time he is at work.