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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think gentle parenting has made some kids unbearable to be around?

619 replies

KindButFirmFox · 05/11/2025 16:58

Boundaries aren’t oppression.
Sometimes “gentle” just looks like “ineffective”.

AIBU to think balance has been lost between empathy and discipline?

OP posts:
Barnbrack · 06/11/2025 19:38

Horsie · 06/11/2025 19:32

Maybe! It might shock them into better behaviour, no?

Nope. I can categorically state that when my sister went through a stage like that she just escalated and hit back. And we were hit. Smacked. Whatever you want to call it. A kid who acts like that has some kind of problem. In my sister's case and sons Casey ADHD and ASD. Although my sister's only been diagnosed this year at 38, at her work. As a mental health nurse. So no. It doesn't shock them into behaving better.

Chillithai · 06/11/2025 19:37

Barnbrack · 06/11/2025 19:36

That's still hitting, slapping an ass is a smack
That's hitting and slapping

Do you work @Horsie ?

Chillithai · 06/11/2025 19:36

Horsie · 06/11/2025 19:32

A slap is skin to skin, like slapping someone on the face. And it can be pretty hard and cause some damage. A smack/spank is a quick swat on the bum, on top of clothes, meant to shock rather than injure.

And this would completely change a child “uncontrollable” “keying a car” “doesn’t care about consequences”

a light pat on the botty

Barnbrack · 06/11/2025 19:36

Horsie · 06/11/2025 19:32

A slap is skin to skin, like slapping someone on the face. And it can be pretty hard and cause some damage. A smack/spank is a quick swat on the bum, on top of clothes, meant to shock rather than injure.

That's still hitting, slapping an ass is a smack
That's hitting and slapping

MarvellousMonsters · 06/11/2025 19:35

I can’t be arsed to do this again, it’s so tedious. Gentle parenting doesn’t spoil kids, it doesn’t mean never saying no, it doesn’t mean giving them everything they want and not giving boundaries. That’s Permissive parenting.

https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2019/06/03/how-to-be-a-gentle-not-permissive-parent/

How to be a Gentle – Not Permissive – Parent

I come across this misconception time and time again; that if you don’t make your child do something (in an authoritarian way), then they will never learn and will grow to be rude and feral. …

https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2019/06/03/how-to-be-a-gentle-not-permissive-parent/

Chillithai · 06/11/2025 19:35

Horsie · 06/11/2025 19:33

You're not interested in a fair discussion, all you're interested in is being annoying. Are you sure you haven't got hold of your mother's MN account?

You said ages ago you were flouncing

Chillithai · 06/11/2025 19:34

Horsie · 06/11/2025 19:32

Maybe! It might shock them into better behaviour, no?

So completely out the blue they become “uncontrollable” and key a car and “dont care about consequences”
smack mildly on the bottom
sorted
oh @Horsie

Horsie · 06/11/2025 19:33

Chillithai · 06/11/2025 19:28

Sweet Jesus

An even bigger sigh of relief

You're not interested in a fair discussion, all you're interested in is being annoying. Are you sure you haven't got hold of your mother's MN account?

Horsie · 06/11/2025 19:32

Chillithai · 06/11/2025 19:31

So @Horsie

your child “keys a car” and is “uncontrollable”
you smack their bottom, just the once
problem solved

😆

Edited

Maybe! It might shock them into better behaviour, no?

Horsie · 06/11/2025 19:32

Barnbrack · 06/11/2025 19:29

Then what makes you think you have the answer? Think about it now. What do you imagine you'd do? And a slap and a smack are the same.

A slap is skin to skin, like slapping someone on the face. And it can be pretty hard and cause some damage. A smack/spank is a quick swat on the bum, on top of clothes, meant to shock rather than injure.

Chillithai · 06/11/2025 19:31

So @Horsie

your child “keys a car” and is “uncontrollable”
you smack their bottom, just the once
problem solved

😆

Barnbrack · 06/11/2025 19:29

Horsie · 06/11/2025 19:28

I would never slap a child, no matter what, and I can't say I've thought about it that deeply.

Then what makes you think you have the answer? Think about it now. What do you imagine you'd do? And a slap and a smack are the same.

Chillithai · 06/11/2025 19:29

Horsie · 06/11/2025 19:28

I would never slap a child, no matter what, and I can't say I've thought about it that deeply.

What’s the difference between a smack and a slap?

Chillithai · 06/11/2025 19:28

Horsie · 06/11/2025 19:25

Yes, yes, you're right, I'd "thrash" them multiple times a day, and twice on Sundays!

Idiot.

Sweet Jesus

An even bigger sigh of relief

Horsie · 06/11/2025 19:28

Barnbrack · 06/11/2025 19:26

So what would YOU do with ongoing issues then? Or did you think one swift slap now and again would get them back in line?

I would never slap a child, no matter what, and I can't say I've thought about it that deeply.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 06/11/2025 19:28

I agree op.

Not everything should be child centric and a negotiation, I see this so much and the kids have way too much power.

Barnbrack · 06/11/2025 19:28

ohwoaw · 06/11/2025 19:26

It tends to be favoured by lazy/weak parents

Does it? How so? And how do you parent yourself?

ohwoaw · 06/11/2025 19:26

It tends to be favoured by lazy/weak parents

Barnbrack · 06/11/2025 19:26

Horsie · 06/11/2025 19:17

Of course I wouldn't be smacking them hourly!

So what would YOU do with ongoing issues then? Or did you think one swift slap now and again would get them back in line?

Horsie · 06/11/2025 19:25

Chillithai · 06/11/2025 19:19

But what you described isn’t “extreme circumstances”

it was a child with very very serious behavioural issues

so the “extreme circumstances” would be multiple times a day

you’d be thrashing them all day!

Yes, yes, you're right, I'd "thrash" them multiple times a day, and twice on Sundays!

Idiot.

Horsie · 06/11/2025 19:24

Chillithai · 06/11/2025 19:23

Sure you are

??

Chillithai · 06/11/2025 19:23

Horsie · 06/11/2025 19:22

We sort-of know. I'm a lovely auntie.

Sure you are

Horsie · 06/11/2025 19:22

Chillithai · 06/11/2025 19:21

well we will never know
And your theoretical child will thankfully
never be smacked

We sort-of know. I'm a lovely auntie.

Chillithai · 06/11/2025 19:22

Horsie · 06/11/2025 19:21

Well, then.

We are getting somewhere! Finally

Horsie · 06/11/2025 19:21

Chillithai · 06/11/2025 19:20

Yes, that is abundantly clear

Well, then.

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