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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think gentle parenting has made some kids unbearable to be around?

619 replies

KindButFirmFox · 05/11/2025 16:58

Boundaries aren’t oppression.
Sometimes “gentle” just looks like “ineffective”.

AIBU to think balance has been lost between empathy and discipline?

OP posts:
Moretomatos · 07/11/2025 13:16

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Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/11/2025 13:16

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She is 19

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/11/2025 13:15

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An agreement

Moretomatos · 07/11/2025 13:15

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Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/11/2025 13:14

RubySquid · 07/11/2025 13:03

And what schools offer much choice outside A levels?

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Is this at all relevant?

Moretomatos · 07/11/2025 13:13

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RubySquid · 07/11/2025 13:03

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/11/2025 13:02

I use school night to mean Sunday-Thursday for all ages as in " I don't drink on school nights" . But yes mine were a school I went to a F.E college for A- levels and had a very average experience, was glad both of mine were in school sixth forms.

And what schools offer much choice outside A levels?

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/11/2025 13:02

I use school night to mean Sunday-Thursday for all ages as in " I don't drink on school nights" . But yes mine were a school I went to a F.E college for A- levels and had a very average experience, was glad both of mine were in school sixth forms.

RubySquid · 07/11/2025 12:58

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/11/2025 12:52

Just googled it, it is 10pm for under 18s. Maybe it was 10 he finished. 4 years ago. But yes they both had jobs, clearly going to work isn't a night out. 11pm is late for a school night, but if not every night then maybe ok.

School night? Who said he was at school? He attended college which weren't the same hours. No way did he want another 2 years at 16 of being a " schoolkid"

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/11/2025 12:52

Just googled it, it is 10pm for under 18s. Maybe it was 10 he finished. 4 years ago. But yes they both had jobs, clearly going to work isn't a night out. 11pm is late for a school night, but if not every night then maybe ok.

RubySquid · 07/11/2025 12:48

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/11/2025 12:46

Yes DS worked at Wagamamas had to finish at 9 though whilst u18

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Strange My DS was working till 11 at McDonald's at 17. Have they changed the law in last 5 years?

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/11/2025 12:47

Dd did 10-4 in a cafe on a sunday.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/11/2025 12:46

RubySquid · 07/11/2025 12:06

Even too work ? Or were they not expected to have p/t jobs

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Yes DS worked at Wagamamas had to finish at 9 though whilst u18

RubySquid · 07/11/2025 12:07

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/11/2025 10:32

Don't be ridiculous of course they could go out, round to a friend's or to football pratice or whatever. No parties or pubs Mon-Thurs I think that is perfectly normal rule. Do your 16yos go clubbing on a monday night ?

Actually the under 18s nights a a club near me used to be on Monday nights

RubySquid · 07/11/2025 12:06

Grotcof · 07/11/2025 08:45

So a curfew of sorts on Monday to Thursday ie you can’t go out full stop!

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Even too work ? Or were they not expected to have p/t jobs

TheNameBig · 07/11/2025 11:03

What's the obsession with pubbing and clubbing? As a teetotaler I see no need

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/11/2025 10:59

Grotcof · 07/11/2025 10:35

My 16 year old doesn’t ever go clubbing 😵‍💫
Or to the pub… not many would these days anyway…. ID!

Edited

Dd was 17 4 weeks after starting sixth form and absolutely was in the pub. She had been to Reading the summer before so saying she couldn't was pretty pointless. DS is April birthday his L6 was massively impacted by Covid. But yes he went to the pub at bit in Y13,but for him it was mostly house parties.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/11/2025 10:48

Grotcof · 07/11/2025 10:35

And what time would you want them back from friend’s house on a Monday-Thursday?

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Maybe 9-10pm ?

Grotcof · 07/11/2025 10:35

My 16 year old doesn’t ever go clubbing 😵‍💫
Or to the pub… not many would these days anyway…. ID!

TheNameBig · 07/11/2025 10:35

As Indians there's no gentle parenting in this household.

Quite often I find people in the UK don't instil discipline from a young age.

No focus on academics. Drinking, smoking, sleeping around and all that stuff isn't seen as bad but is seen as "normal things we all did".

Grotcof · 07/11/2025 10:35

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/11/2025 10:32

Don't be ridiculous of course they could go out, round to a friend's or to football pratice or whatever. No parties or pubs Mon-Thurs I think that is perfectly normal rule. Do your 16yos go clubbing on a monday night ?

And what time would you want them back from friend’s house on a Monday-Thursday?

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/11/2025 10:32

Don't be ridiculous of course they could go out, round to a friend's or to football pratice or whatever. No parties or pubs Mon-Thurs I think that is perfectly normal rule. Do your 16yos go clubbing on a monday night ?

WhatNoRaisins · 07/11/2025 10:31

Honestly I got a bit lost when people started talking about robot dogs. I'm out.

Grotcof · 07/11/2025 09:45

So the childfree poster in favour of smacking for “wilful” children in “extreme circumstances” @Horsie has now changed her mind because she has realised she couldn’t smack her robot dog.

Or did I dream that?

Grotcof · 07/11/2025 08:45

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/11/2025 06:25

By sixth form they were trusted. We still had reasonable expectations.

  1. No nights out Mon- Thurs
  2. Room kept in reasonable state defined as being hooverable once a week
  3. Each had house hold chores: DS bins and hoovering, Dd children's bathroom ( cleaner left after Covid)
  4. To let us know if not coming home by a reasonable time ( 10pm).
  5. Clear plan for getting home ( with a caveat we would come and get them if needed)

In return for this they got a generous allowance, lifts home from parties (+ mates) most weekends, driving lessons( both) riding lessons ( Dd) lift to and from football twice weekly (DS). Ih and we allowed boy friend/ girl friend sleep overs at the weekend in Sixth form.

Seemed fair to us and them. They are now 19 & 21 they are doing well.

So a curfew of sorts on Monday to Thursday ie you can’t go out full stop!

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