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Original poster

To think gentle parenting has made some kids unbearable to be around?

619 replies

KindButFirmFox · 05/11/2025 16:58

Boundaries aren’t oppression.
Sometimes “gentle” just looks like “ineffective”.

AIBU to think balance has been lost between empathy and discipline?

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Pricelessadvice · 16/11/2025 18:16

I can’t cope with my friend’s 7 year old. She has always been volatile so they have opted for a “keep the peace” approach but it has back-fired massively because they never tell her no. She is rude and takes control in every situation. Her parents just calm her down by changing things to suit her, or they bribe her with sweets and crisps. Very bright kid and parents don’t seem to think there’s any SEN at play.
She destroys things on purpose if she doesn’t get her own way, and if challenged throws a huge temper tantrum. She grabs things that aren’t hers, opens other people’s gifts and throws a tantrum if anyone asks her not to. My friend has a go at her family members if they attempt to step in and stop her child from messing with things that aren’t hers, so everyone now just lets her do it to keep the peace (friend is the family golden child and no-one dares upset her).
I cannot stand being around them as a result and I actually dread seeing them. I’m afraid that I find her to be the most unlikeable child.

Barnbrack · 14/11/2025 21:50

Thequeenandthesoldier · 13/11/2025 08:57

I didn't smack in temper though.

i smscked because I could not protect DC 2 from a potential head injury and negate I was feeding a newborn with my left hand. I couldn't physically stop with my right hand iyswim because I had my back to DC2 And zdzc 1 was right in front of her.

Anyway. DC1 doesn't remember and I never did it again with any of them

There are lots of ways to intervene without smacking. And the smacking serves no purpose it was merely a bad parenting decision in the heat of the moment

Thequeenandthesoldier · 13/11/2025 08:57

I didn't smack in temper though.

i smscked because I could not protect DC 2 from a potential head injury and negate I was feeding a newborn with my left hand. I couldn't physically stop with my right hand iyswim because I had my back to DC2 And zdzc 1 was right in front of her.

Anyway. DC1 doesn't remember and I never did it again with any of them

Barnbrack · 12/11/2025 20:37

The hitting helped noone so the best way to handle it would have been to not hit. That's step one. Bare minimum. Keep your temper.

Byekavita · 11/11/2025 10:55

Thequeenandthesoldier · 11/11/2025 10:33

You must let me know where you get your psychic vision from!

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I think you’ve misunderstood

You’re asking how others would have dealt with it

Presumably though… whatever the answer, you wouldn’t have smacked because it had bugger all impact

Thequeenandthesoldier · 11/11/2025 10:33

Chillichicks · 11/11/2025 09:50

Well she laughed at you
so with hindsight you presumably would not have smacked anyway because it achieved squat all 🤷‍♀️

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You must let me know where you get your psychic vision from!

Chillichicks · 11/11/2025 09:50

Thequeenandthesoldier · 11/11/2025 09:15

OK. I smacked my four year old once, not hard, on her calf.

We were sitting at the bottom of the stairs, trying to get ready to go out. Her newborn sister was being held in my left arm, breastfeeding and my 18 month old was bumping down the stairs on her bottom (very late walker, she didn't manage it until she was nearly two. Ironically now very sporty).

DD1 casually reached behind her, grabbed DD2 ankle and pulled her down the stairs, her head banging against each step as she did down.

So I smacked her. I honestly didn't know what else to do to make it so with my hands full.

I regretted it immediately and never smacked her or the others ever again. I still feel guilty.

DD just laughed.

What would have been the best way to handle this?

Well she laughed at you
so with hindsight you presumably would not have smacked anyway because it achieved squat all 🤷‍♀️

Thequeenandthesoldier · 11/11/2025 09:15

OK. I smacked my four year old once, not hard, on her calf.

We were sitting at the bottom of the stairs, trying to get ready to go out. Her newborn sister was being held in my left arm, breastfeeding and my 18 month old was bumping down the stairs on her bottom (very late walker, she didn't manage it until she was nearly two. Ironically now very sporty).

DD1 casually reached behind her, grabbed DD2 ankle and pulled her down the stairs, her head banging against each step as she did down.

So I smacked her. I honestly didn't know what else to do to make it so with my hands full.

I regretted it immediately and never smacked her or the others ever again. I still feel guilty.

DD just laughed.

What would have been the best way to handle this?

Repsoff · 10/11/2025 18:23

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/11/2025 13:15

An agreement

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That’s a curfew @Neurodiversitydoctor
I agreed a time with my two teens by which I would like them home. They agreed to it. A curfew

AutumnnotFall · 09/11/2025 08:40

Pricelessadvice · 07/11/2025 19:08

Erm, it’s a TV program.

I’m not some sort of terrible peeping Tom 😂

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Haha, head peeking around the door with phone, lurking at the window. I can see it now, come on, fess up! 😂

Pricelessadvice · 07/11/2025 19:08

Addtosignup · 07/11/2025 13:49

No one can watch GPs behind closed doors” due to patient confidentiality @Pricelessadvice 🤔

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Erm, it’s a TV program.

I’m not some sort of terrible peeping Tom 😂

GehenSieweiter · 07/11/2025 17:04

TheNameBig · 07/11/2025 16:58

I said before. I don't want my children sleeping around.

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It's their business who they sleep with though, as long as they're safe and not taking advantage/being taken advantage of.

TheNameBig · 07/11/2025 16:58

GehenSieweiter · 07/11/2025 16:42

To be like what exactly?

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I said before. I don't want my children sleeping around.

GehenSieweiter · 07/11/2025 16:42

TheNameBig · 07/11/2025 16:41

I wouldn't use that word but I wouldn't want my DSs or my DDs to be like that.

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To be like what exactly?

Duvetdramas · 07/11/2025 16:42

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TheNameBig · 07/11/2025 16:41

GehenSieweiter · 07/11/2025 16:35

Some parts of 'the rest of the world' see 'their girls' as second class citizens.
Also, 'slag' is a vile word.

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I wouldn't use that word but I wouldn't want my DSs or my DDs to be like that.

GehenSieweiter · 07/11/2025 16:35

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Some parts of 'the rest of the world' see 'their girls' as second class citizens.
Also, 'slag' is a vile word.

Caroline909 · 07/11/2025 16:30

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GehenSieweiter · 07/11/2025 16:25

TheNameBig · 07/11/2025 10:35

As Indians there's no gentle parenting in this household.

Quite often I find people in the UK don't instil discipline from a young age.

No focus on academics. Drinking, smoking, sleeping around and all that stuff isn't seen as bad but is seen as "normal things we all did".

Sleeping around? It's not 1952.

Caroline909 · 07/11/2025 15:56

It's not even gentle parenting it's like the absence of parenting. I've basically become strangers with a gf I've had forever over this because she never tells her spoilt kids to stop being little buggers. They will steal my LOs rattles, stomp around throwing food, wipe hands on walls etc and she just laughs I'm like.....????? She couldn't get childcare for a friend's baby shower and her son was running around pulling hair and getting throwing stuff at us when we wanted a photo and laughing and she said NOTHING. Nothing. Like you don't need to hit him you just need to say stop it

RubySquid · 07/11/2025 15:15

Addtosignup · 07/11/2025 13:49

No one can watch GPs behind closed doors” due to patient confidentiality @Pricelessadvice 🤔

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It's a bloody tv programme

Addtosignup · 07/11/2025 13:49

Pricelessadvice · 07/11/2025 13:36

Ive been watching GPs behind closed doors this week and on a couple of episodes, there have been mums taking feral children in who climb all over the GPs chair, play with the equipment, start messing with the computer… all while the useless mother sits there saying “please get off the doctors chair Alfred. We don’t behave like that Alfred.” All the while, the child is completely ignoring them and the doctor looks mildly harassed.

I wouldn’t have dared behave like that at a doctors office! It’s absolutely shocking and it’s no wonder there are so many rude, entitled kids out there.

Those parents ought to be ashamed of their lack of parenting.

No one can watch GPs behind closed doors” due to patient confidentiality @Pricelessadvice 🤔

Pricelessadvice · 07/11/2025 13:36

Ive been watching GPs behind closed doors this week and on a couple of episodes, there have been mums taking feral children in who climb all over the GPs chair, play with the equipment, start messing with the computer… all while the useless mother sits there saying “please get off the doctors chair Alfred. We don’t behave like that Alfred.” All the while, the child is completely ignoring them and the doctor looks mildly harassed.

I wouldn’t have dared behave like that at a doctors office! It’s absolutely shocking and it’s no wonder there are so many rude, entitled kids out there.

Those parents ought to be ashamed of their lack of parenting.

Moretomatos · 07/11/2025 13:17

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Moretomatos · 07/11/2025 13:17

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